Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


It Would be Over Now Anyway

coffeecup005.jpgHave you ever dropped a donut you were enjoying or knocked over a drink or arrived somewhere that had just closed or leave late and miss part of a game you had tickets for? When that happened to me in my DoorMat days, I’d dream about what I missed out on and beat myself up all day for my part in missing out on something I’d have enjoyed. When we don’t love ourselves, we look for excuses to feel bad. Then I realized something that helped change that:

Pleasure from moments of having goodies or possessions or experiences are fleeting.

We often make a huge deal out of something that might be one small frame in our lives. Very few small things are worth lamenting over. Pay attention to your immediate response when you do something that causes you to miss out on something you wanted. Do you feel anger at yourself? Put yourself down? Hold onto your disappointment long after?

Self-love includes forgiving YOU for mistakes, and letting go of it fast.

I found a great technique for not holding onto negative emotions about something missed. It’s okay to feel disappointed right after. But it only hurts if you to make yourself feel worse about it. Each time you rebuke yourself, another notch of your self-esteem dies. That’s how I stayed in DoorMatville for so long. If you like living there, keep beating yourself up!

If you want to be happy, learn to look back and say, “It would have been over anyway!

When you live in the moment, what happened earlier is history. Over. Finito. And taking that to another level, you’d have been finished with whatever you missed out on by now. Today I found this helpful. Someone asked me to accompany them to an office in Manhattan and wait in the car while she took care of some business. I agreed and picked up a cup of my favorite coffee that I had bought to keep me and my magazine company.

Just after I parked, I went to rearrange my stuff and knocked over my coffee. Every drop spilled. My goal of having a peaceful cup of my favorite coffee was gone. I was disappointed and frustrated as I mopped it up. Fortunately my friend was quick so I didn’t have to wait without coffee for too long. On the way home I began to think of my coffee with sadness. Then I reminded myself that if I hadn’t spilled it I’d have finished it by then anyway. So in my now it didn’t matter!

Remembering I’d have finished the coffee made it not matter that I didn’t get to drink it.

Having the coffee would have made no difference in how I felt in general. I’d have had the pleasure of sipping it and forgotten about it once it was done. I use this same mentality when I pass on something unhealthy or a fattening dessert in a restaurant. I love myself enough to have willpower against eating things that aren’t good for me. When dinner is done, I remind myself that had I had the splurges they’d be finished anyway.

Live in NOW as much as you can. Leave your mistakes in the past. They’re over.

You’re good NOW. Whatever you missed out of is irrelevant to having a better life NOW. I got another cup of coffee. Yes, I’d rather have had it in the car but it doesn’t matter anymore since I’d have finished it long before. When I pass on dessert I strongly wanted, later I also acknowledge that if I’d had it the pleasure would have been long over so it doesn’t matter that I didn’t have it, except for the joy that I saved calories.

Treating yourself kindly nourishes self-love.

Dwelling on how you dropped your ice cream cone, missed the beginning of a movie, spilled your drink, etc., feeds unhappiness and keeps self-love out of reach. When I was a DoorMat I chose unhappiness. It was what I knew and was comfortable with. Now I know that you must make a choice to change the cycle of reinforcing why you don’t deserve love. Being conscious of your response to things you do that make you feel disappointed and letting mistakes go is a loving habit you can get into.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.



  • http://www.the-self-esteem-shop.com Shyronn Crider

    One of the first things, like you said, is learning to love ourself. Whatever we love, we put value in, and treat it accordingly. Why then do we have such a hard time loving ourself? I resonated with your statement~you are good NOW! That is quite powerful. Learning to be happy now, in the state we are in, is so very important in developing self esteem, self love, and self empowerment. Keep up the encouragement!!

  • http://www.xdmweb.com/ bet365

    how are you!This was a really brilliant topic!
    I come from china, I was luck to discover your topic in yahoo
    Also I obtain much in your Topics really thanks very much i will come later

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks Shyronn! You’re so right!
    I appreciate your kind words bet365. Glad you found me! : )

Previous Posts

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely
Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. I’d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was feeling—SHUT UP! I’d g

posted 12:01:09pm Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

A Wake Up Call
Can you easily recognize when it’s time to make changes in your life?  I’m thrilled to have Dr. Dain Heer as my guest today to give you suggestions for waking your consciousness. He travels all over the world facilitating advanced classes, workshops and seminars on Access Consciousness® and a

posted 12:01:58pm Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: Assuming the Worst
This is post 280 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. When you’re going through a problem it’s easy to get worked up in a negative direction

posted 12:01:25pm Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Can’t vs. Don’t Want To
We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it’s done unconsciously. But it’s important to be aware of excuses you make for not

posted 12:01:08pm Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Are You a Needy People Magnet?
Do you find yourself surrounded by people who need you for something? Do you tend to end up with romantic partners who need fixing? It’s common, especially for DoorMats who have people pleasing as part of their M.O.  I did when I was a DoorMat. These needy folks would bring me down with their dem

posted 12:01:49pm Apr. 11, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.