Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Law of Attraction in Action: Tolerance

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for * LOA logo2.jpgThis is post 98 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.

When we’re DoorMats, our need to please everyone makes us tolerate almost all the bad behavior people throw at us. As we strive to feel empowered, our tolerance can go out the window. When anger makes you stop being on people pleaser autopilot, you may feel like you shouldn’t tolerate anything you don’t like.

Intolerance of other people’s flaws tells the Universe that you only seek perfection in your world, which is impossible.

If you wonder why you’re losing friends, that could be the reason. If you can’t tolerate the flaws of people you care about, why should they tolerate yours? I know how it feels to want to eliminate annoying behavior once you’ve woken up and decided to leave DoorMatville. After tolerating so much hurtful or annoying stuff for so long, I felt a need to take a stand on everything.

Then I remembered I didn’t want to go to extremes, as I said in my post Be the Cream in an Oreo.

So I learned to set reasonable boundaries on what was unacceptable–like putting me down, selfishly demanding more time than I wanted to give, being mean, trying to borrow money when they already owe me from before, or anything that hurts or makes me unhappy. Those are unacceptable. Really unacceptable! Buh-bye kind of stuff! If what someone does regularly creates serious negatives emotions in you, it must be stopped, no matter what excuse the person gives you.

Then there are things that are annoying but not meant to hurt you–habits you don’t like, idiosyncrasies, doing something differently than you do, etc.

These shouldn’t be deal breakers. Leaving clothing on the floor can be addressed if you speak nicely and let him know. You can explain to her that she keeps you on the phone too long and you want to keep calls shorter in the future. So he folds the laundry in a different way than you think is the right way or she cracks her knuckles or he refuses to ask directions yet always gets you lost or she always underestimates how much something will cost. Or any of the gazillion other annoying qualities someone might have.

Distinguish between unacceptable and annoying behaviors and be more tolerant of what annoys you.

Don’t expect perfection in others if you can’t be perfect yourself. Since perfection is impossible to achieve all the time, you’ll find yourself attracting frustration about why you can’t meet people who fit your new standards of doing everything the way you think life should be. Tolerance is a key to all good relationships, whether it’s with a romantic partner, friend, co-worker, parent, child, neighbor, etc.

Good relationships with the people in your life is one of the best sources of pleasure and good health. Butting heads often is the opposite.

Showing tolerance to others attracts a better ability to be accepting of your own flaws or annoying qualities. The more you accept others, the greater the chance that you’ll accept yourself. Tolerance attracts tolerance. Having it makes you a better person! Setting boundaries on what behavior you will and won’t accept–using a tolerant attitude–will attract more self-love and relaxed relationships. Not getting bent out of shape over every little annoying thing will attract more happiness.

See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series here.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.



  • Paula Masterman

    Some great guidance here, thank you. I have been working on changing it further…for me, it’s about acceptance, not tolerance. Tolerance still has the air of judgment. I prefer to see the divine spark in all of us, especially those that can make my teeth set on edge (the cracking knuckles or gum, for example :) )
    Step at a time, day at a time, I’m a work in progress ~
    Take care,
    Paula

  • Connie

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with knowing what annoys you and what doesn’t, and tolerating what does in a person that is otherwise kind, compassionate and a generally good person. I often wonder if we don’t go too far in trying to accept people that we loose sight of our right to have differences.

  • Lorrie Stewart

    “SELF-DISCOVERY,leads us to SELF-LOVE”

  • http://www.acmastering.com Adrian Carr

    Excellent topic – Another great post – thanks. You’ve been really inspired and even more generous than usual lately with the topics and postings!
    Lessoning the seeds of anger in my life is one of my biggies – it’s easy to get myself all worked up. Tolerance, acceptance, knowing what’s abuse and what’s personal differences, not taking personally the differences of opinion, habit etc, this is all good work on each of our paths.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    True Paula. Tolerance can be acceptance or judgmental but sometimes it’s just allowing someone you care about to be themselves, acknowledging you don’t like the habit but will not judge them poorly for it.
    Tolerance does acknowledge the differences Connie, instead of trying to change the person or writing them off because they do something you don’t like.
    True Lorrie!
    Thanks for your kind words Adrian! You’ve come a long way! : )

  • Roz

    It’s amazing how the law of attraction works. The last two days my patience has been pushed to the point of my wanting to just flip out (as I used to do in the past)! This post comes as a blessing just when I needed it, when I felt I couldn’t possibly endure another day. Thank you so much for helping me distinguish between annoying and unacceptable behaviors. I will use this knowledge to have more patience and loving kindness, and also to acknowledge that I too have qualities that can be just as annoying to other people.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Glad this helped you Roz! Life gets better when you can tolerate what isn’t unacceptable.

  • Pingback: Law of Attraction in Action Series - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.