Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Backlash

Recently an anonymous subscriber wrote a scathing comment on my post about Grudges. Anon is unsubscribing, viewing me as being sneaky and vindictive. People who change their people pleasing ways often get chided or mislabeled by others. As I grew into an empowered woman, many names were hurled at me by people I said no to or who I stopped allowing to walk all over me.

Selfish and bitch/bastard are commonly used to manipulate people into retuning to their more giving ways.

Depending on their situations, people have varied perspectives about situations, and words. I’ve been called a bitch for taking care of myself so many times that my first workshop was called, Be a Better Bitch/Bastard. A better bitch/bastard gets called a bitch/bastard by someone who is frustrated about not getting their way or you speak up for yourself or set any other boundaries for what you give or do for others (NOTE: I’m wearing my Better Bitch and Proud of it t-shirt in the pic. I have a few left for $15, shipping included in the US).

Name-calling is often used as a weapon to get you to give in or as an outlet for disagreement.

I subscribe to the sticks & stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me—unless I let them mentality. Words can sting or hurt you a lot if you accept them as your truth. I wasn’t a bitch when I was accused of being one. Nor was I selfish for wanting my desires filled too instead of just always going along with where others wanted to eat, what they wanted to do, etc.

As long as you KNOW you’re NOT what a person accuses you of being in words, you’re not. Names only have validity if you agree.

This blog is about my experiences and what worked for me and my clients. I KNOW that I’m not sneaky and vindictive as Anon called me. Of course he or she is entitled to personal opinions. I respect that not everyone will like or agree with me. But it isn’t my truth. Anon gave examples of why I am those words. I’m pretty sure I know which ones they are. This is how I see it.

* In my post called Miserably Skinny I wrote that I told someone to shut up when she asked challenged my food choice. This person was always critical of my body and picked on me for ordering a burger and fries, I told her not to tell me how to eat. But when the food came, she began a lecture that in the past ruined my pleasure (and I rarely have a burger and fries and wanted to enjoy it fully!). So I told her to shut up. I’d warned her several times to keep her criticism to herself. I didn’t need advice from someone who was skinny but miserable. And despite what Anon thinks, I’d do it again to someone who doesn’t stop her verbal jabs after being told more than once that it’s unacceptable and she had no right to speak to me like that.

* The other example was from my post on Grudges. Anon said I got a kick out of something bad happening to the worker in my building who began loudly stripping floors in the apartment bedroom right above me before 8AM on a Saturday, which by the way is illegal in NY. I could have reported him to the building manager or filed a complaint with the city, which would have created trouble for him with his job. Instead I released any recourse to the Universe and let God take care of it. Right after that, our building manager denied him the time off he wanted during the holidays.

I’d much rather let God sort it out instead of me looking to hurt someone.

I didn’t get a kick out of something bad happening to him or wish him evil. But I did get a kick out of the Law of Attraction returning it to him. And I did say I got a kick out of him thinking that I was giving him a holiday gift when it was an envelope with a note explaining (nicely!) how I was leaving it to God to deal with it. He’d done other inconsiderate things but this was intolerable. I didn’t detail it in my post but he knew I was getting physically ill from all the construction noise that began before 7 AM every weekday morning. Some of you may remember that I live facing the building that had the awful crane accident 2 years ago.

This guy and I discussed how unnerving it was. He had a problem just working with constant drilling and banging and knew how much I valued being able to catch up on sleep on weekends. My doorman said he warned the guy not to work so early but he had plans for the day and only cared about finishing early. So I thought he got an appropriate result of his actions!

Leaving grudges in God’s hands is the best recourse against someone who does you wrong.

Anon said the energy radiating from my words is ugly. Oh well. Anon has chosen to unsubscribe and that’s his/her choice. I wish him/her a blessed life. I have no idea of what caused his/her perspective and it doesn’t matter. I know who I am, which really is what matters. Be careful about letting word jabs hurt you or your joy. Always remember that names can never hurt you unless you let them. I no longer let them. I know if I do wrong or put out bad energy, it will surely come back to me. Meanwhile, my life continues to grow with delight!

When you own your right to not adopt what someone else thinks of you as true, you can guide your life down a path of YOUR choice!

Do your best to do the right thing and also understand that you and people around you may see things differently and that’s okay. Don’t let others rattle your path. Everyone has issues that push their buttons when they see or hear or read certain things. I still do. It’s important to remember that their issues aren’t yours. So I’ll continue to write my blog as I choose and people can read or not read it as they choose. Getting upset about someone else’s name calling ain’t worth the bad energy attached to it. Bless them with a good spirit and move on!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17402313591883588781 EverythingMorocco

    Bravo for you, Daylle. It's true that what goes around, comes around. All you have to do is wait and stop feeling you have to control the situation or react negatively to what somebody else creates. You explained it nicely. Thank you!

  • Gina

    Daylle, I thought what you said about grudges was great! I have had a hard time forgiving my ex-husband and your post motivated me to want to write a letter to him outlining all my grudges and then burning it! I need to forgive him just for me and let God sort it out and your post made me see that! I love your posts and save them so I can re-read them all the time time. This post was also great in that you reminded me that he also only called me a bitch when I chose to stand up for myself and not let him walk all over me! So bravo to me, and bravo to you! Keep writing like you do, it keeps me motivated and I'm sure others too!

  • RobinWA

    This post touched something in me and I'm gonna print it out and reread it often. Thanks for this and all your terrific posts!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks a bunch Morocco! : ) The Universe does do the work for us if we let it.Good for you Gina! Glad my writing helps you!You're very welcome Robin! Every person I help with my writing is a blessing for me!

  • Anonymous

    I have been reading your column for months now, but this one I simply HAD TO COMMENT on. I love your column. It makes me happy and it always seems to come right when I need a good reminder.I discovered your column in December after yet another failed relationship confused me. By January, three men in my life hung up on me. Hung up on me! Why, because I was no longer their doormat. It was funny to observe how they couldn't handle the change in me. Of those three, two are now better friendships and the one I lost may never return, but that's his issue not mine. Life is so much easier when you're not a doormat because you don't have to carry the weight of what other people think and you can be honest, be loving, be compassionate and be real with the people in your life. And anyone who doesn't want that from me can move along. So…keep writing your wonderful reminders. I devour your column and am so grateful to have found it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09582130935902458396 Lynne

    Hey there Daylle,I think it's wonderful that you even get real people commenting on your blog. Most of the people I get are spammers…lol.:)Recently I was criticized for a painting I did in oil. Something about values of different colors I was using. I was hurt at first, but I decided to look at his paintings and found them garish and really strange colors (to me). To each his own. I think it has a lot to do with our vibration at the moment we read the criticism.I also learned a lot from his criticism about concepts in art. The Internet is a lousy place for feedback anyway. Too bad we can't all meet face to face. I would love that much better.Cheers!Lynne

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    I'm glad my posts make you happy Anon! And you know I believe that things come at the right time for a reason. : ) Nothing is accidental. Some people don't like a self-empowered person who says no. I say oh well! Thanks for sharing!True Lynne, and people can say anything they want more easily when they're not face to face with you. But more important, you can't please everyone. Accepting that was one of the best things I've done.

  • Pinkybow

    My mom always used to tell me to let God take care of people when someone did me wrong. I wished I could witness God giving it back to some people. But I do try to follow that principle.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03908434939811925462 grywlfjla1

    I love this blog because it reminds me to be grateful and think of good things. It helps me deal with my husband's ex.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Your mom is a smart lady Pinkybow!Glad the blog helps you grywlfjla1!

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