Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: CHOOSE, Don’t Wait To Be Chosen

This is post 35 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

The other day there was a discussion on a writers’ board I participate in about getting a literary agent. The person had interest from one who reps her friend. She was surprised since this agent doesn’t usually rep her type of book. Yet she was willing to give her the exclusive for several weeks to read her book proposal and felt guilty about letting other agents see it until agent #1 decided if she wanted to represent her. She gave this agent the power to rep the book if she wanted it, though she’d never even met her or knew if she was the right one for her book. She asked if she should send the proposal to other agents or wait for agent #1’s answer. My reply was:


CHOOSE. Don’t wait to be chosen!

Settling for what you can get instead of waiting for or going after the best possibility rarely helps you. Too often we put our fate and choices into someone else’s hands, without even thinking about it. It was automatic for me when I lived in DoorMatville. I settled for whatever I got. I continued being a teacher, which I never wanted to do in the first place but it gave me a job so I stayed. Yet I felt unfulfilled and longed for a creative career that felt satisfying. When I became single, I settled for the men who liked me and stayed, instead of begin selective. Back then I felt lost without a man. So I settled for whoever I could keep.

But I learned that when you settle, you give up your power to choose. You take what’s offered, or easily gotten, or handy, instead of waiting for the best choice.


Many of us learn to settle growing up. We settle for the help that’s offered, because it’s there, instead of seeking out the best assistance. We settle for a job because it’s offered and stay because it’s easier. Many people settle for a romantic partner when they feel desperate for one, or at least overly anxious to partner up. Women who believe they need a man to complete them often stick with a guy who isn’t a good fit or is abusive, just to have someone. Low self-esteem can make you take what you get instead of having the confidence to choose what you’d actually like.

CHOOSE. Don’t wait to be chosen! Settling tells the Universe that you’ll take what you get and not try for more. The Law of Attraction will support that by not attracting more opportunities.


Settling usually leaves you unfulfilled. At first it feels secure. But at some point the dissatisfaction will hit you hard. I’ve settled for agents who did nothing for me and for boyfriends who took without giving much. Settling leads to looking back with regret. Unfortunately, the more you settle, the more chance it will reinforce this as your usual behavior, so you’ll continue to settle. The Law of Attraction listens to this message. Remember, you get back what you put out.

CHOOSE. Don’t wait to be chosen! Maureen Dowd said, “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”

As I write this, I realized that I’ve stayed signed to someone at a speaker’s bureau who does nothing for me. It took me time to find her and I’ve stayed with her because it’s such a pain to shop for one. But now I realize that I’ll never have the representation I need if I stay with her. So, this week I shall end our liaison. Close one door and another 2 open! I’ll make sure the Universe hears me loud and clear so the Law of Attraction can work with me to attract the RIGHT speaking agent!


Don’t automatically say yes to opportunities. Think about if they’re right for you. Ask yourself:

* “Do I want to be with this person or would I rather have someone with more qualities that I value?” The truth will eventually get to you. Whether it’s friendship or romance, it’s better to end it now, before you’re in deeper and have more invested in the person.

* “Is this person the right one to represent me in my career or for a legal issue or to handle my PR or speak on my behalf in a business situation?” Just having someone to rep you for your business situation is far from a guarantee that he or she will do a good job. If you gut says it’s not right, listen!


* “Did I agree to hire someone because I assumed I should or I’m too scared to wait for someone better?” Settling isn’t the antidote to fear or insecurity. It’s taking the path of least resistance. But it also gets you the least in terms of attracting the results you’d really like.

CHOOSE, Don’t wait to be chosen! Settling isn’t making a choice. It’s having the choice made for you. It says you don’t think you can do better, so the Law of Attraction doesn’t bring you better.

When you close a door, it leaves room for another one, or more, to open. Value yourself enough to know you should allow yourself to have choices. Choose the best people for your world. Close the doors to settling so the Law of Attraction can open more to choose from.


CHOOSE, Don’t wait to be chosen!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter';

  • Diane

    I do have a tendency to settle for what comes first, and don’t try to see if there’s more to be gotten. It’s just become my way but perhaps I need to pay ore attention. I don’t like the idea of settling.

  • Miki

    Daylle,Hi again! I love the LOA series you’ve put together – you cover topics that are life lessons for everyone, not just people who practice loa or believe in it’s ability to change our lives.Choice – I love this word. We all have free will to choose. Right on!!! When we don’t choose we settle and our lower expectations are met with lower results. What a fresh approach!Well done … again Daylle

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Glad you see the light Diane!Thanks for your very kind words Miki! I’m glad you find my LOA series enlightening. I’m so happy when I can educate folks on how to improve their lives.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    I like the idea of it being MY choice. Taking the easy way out is settling. So that means I’ve been settling and in the context, I don’t like it! I’m glad I wrote this.

  • Pingback: Law of Attraction in Action Series - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

  • Danielle

    This is a great article, but I chose not to settle for 2 job offers and that was over 3 months ago and I haven’t found a job still, so what does that say? I chose not to settle and I’m still looking?

    • GoRetroPam

      Don’t give up, and don’t settle. I was out of work for two years and just started working at the exact type of job with the type of company I had in mind. I had a list in my head of the most important qualities I wanted in a job and I took a moment each day to feel what it would feel like to work at such a place and do fulfilling work. My employment even came with some unforeseen perks that weren’t in my list. I am SO thankful that I didn’t settle for one job I was offered but didn’t want for a variety of reasons, and that I was never offered the other positions I interviewed for. It really does help to focus on what you absolutely want, feel the feelings, and know that the universe will deliver it to you. It all happened so easily and quickly, too, the way it should…less than a month after I submitted my resume I had an offer.

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank ...

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to ...

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks ...

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to ...

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when ...

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.