Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat



I hear people proudly talk about the revenge they’re getting on someone. Is achieving it something to be considered SUCCESS? Going after revenge is usually destructive. The behavior that revenge motivates is unhealthy. You might feel successful at hurting someone. Think about if that‘s the kind of SUCCESS you want to own.

Tricia Walsh-Smith has gotten a lot of media attention for insulting her husband about what he’s not giving her after their divorce in her YouTube videos. She must feel a distorted version of satisfaction as she fumes and sputters trying to get her revenge. Many people, women and men, seek revenge when they think someone has done them wrong. They look to hurt, lash out at or embarrass someone who disappointed or hurt them.

Negative revenge is NOT sweet. It’s a harmful action that hurts YOU, as much as or more than the one you want to get even with.

Shame on Tricia Walsh-Smith! Her YouTube video airs her husband’s dirty laundry. She married a guy 25 years older, who she says never wanted sex. It didn’t seem to matter until she found Viagra and condoms, which indicates he went elsewhere for gratification. Hello!! Tricia needs to take responsibility! She asked for a marriage that would probably fall apart. I’d guess her motive for marrying him was financial security.

Was being a kept woman enough for her before she found he was cheating? Now he wants her gone and she’s angry she has to move out of her apartment, etc., according to the terms of the pre-nup she signed. On the video, she whines about losing her gorgeous home.

What does telling it all on YouTube accomplish? Embarrassing him? I think she should feel more embarrassed! It’s an advertisement for all the world to see that she’s a scorned woman.

Marrying to be taken care of creates many of the bitter women that look to get even with the man they hooked for whatever they needed at the time. Marrying a very attractive MUCH younger woman can also create a bitter situation for the guy later on. Revenge SUCKS! I’m sorry to be so graphic but, nurturing your anger to get revenge against your ex, or anyone else, brings nothing but more unhappiness and is counterproductive for being happy.

In your pursuit of punishment for the person who’s done you wrong, you punish yourself too! How? Going after revenge:

* Keeps anger at the person burning. Anger doesn’t feel good! Metaphysicians see the mind as creating all illness, which is my own philosophy, and believe anger creates cancer. It definitely causes common physical ailments, like stomach upsets, headaches, poor sleep, etc. Instead of moving on, it stays with you, driving you to make decisions that seek to hurt someone.

* Sustains a state of stress. Always looking for ways to get back at someone keeps you on edge—looking for the right time to attack; mulling what they did over and over in your head; plotting ways to get even when you should be sleeping.

* Maintains a goal of hurting someone. Looking for revenge is usually a plan to make someone pay for what they did. So instead of happy thoughts, yours are about what nasty, mean or devious deed you can do to the person.

* Blocks forgiveness. You can’t move on from anger if you don’t forgive. Forgiving is for YOU, not the other person. You don’t have to forgive them directly. But you can forgive in your heart, if you stop trying to get revenge.

* Feels lousy in general. I think of it as have a big GRRRRR…. going on inside all the time. Seeking revenge can be a full time mindset that keeps what the person did to you running through your head over and over. You talk about it to whoever will listen. You might even get superficial pleasure at the thought of what you’ll do to get even. But it just keeps that big GRRRRR….alive and kicking your positive outlook to the curb as you wallow in negative retaliation.

* Attracts negatives to YOU. Since revenge is a negative action, the Law of Attraction brings it right back to ya! The more revenge is on your mind, the more the thoughts will attract more stuff you might feel need to get revenge for. Letting it go leaves room to attract happier situations!

If you want true personal SUCCESS, let behavior that bothers you go. Find ways to deal with the results of what someone does instead of expending energy looking for ways to get even. Tricia Walsh-Smith needs to find a good investment broker to help her make the most of the half million she’ll get each year in her divorce settlement. Poor thing! And, she needs to find a new apartment. Making revenge videos won’t garner her the sympathy she wants.

Revenge is NOT positive SUCCESS. It is an accomplishment but one that bites you, which to me isn’t SUCCESS.

When you let go of a need for revenge, you can also let go of anger. Find ways to do something good for yourself with that energy behind your anger. That’s SUCCESS you can be proud of! It will come back to you with more positive things.

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