Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Life isn’t in black and white. You choose how to color what you see and do. Your life is as colorful as YOU allow it to be. Just like a child brings a coloring book page to life with crayons, your thoughts color your world. I’ve talked about how we can create new habits to replace those that aren’t serving you in a positive way. You can break habits of letting other people program how you view your life and then create a habit of having a more positive perception.

You can create the good habit of coloring your world with bright hues!

Did you ever adjust the color of a TV set? You turn the dial one way and the colors get brighter and more vibrant. Go the other direction and it gets washed out or not there. That’s what perception does to you thoughts! YOU control the dials. Perception allows you to choose your reality; to color it positive or negative. For example:

* You can CHOOSE to see a glass half empty or CHOOSE to see it half full. Which sounds better? You know the answer, yet many people choose half empty, which makes it sound bad. My half full glass always looks good! The glass has no more or less based on the perception you choose. So why not choose half full???

* You can CHOOSE to believe that you’re not good for much because you had a parent who told you that. Or, you can bypass that belief and CHOOSE to do a lot of good! You are the person that your perception allows you to be. Why not be one who SUCCEEDS???

* You can CHOOSE to feel fat because the media says that anyone with more meat than an airbrushed model is fat. Or you can CHOOSE to not compare yourself to anyone and see the beauty of who you are. I felt like a porker for years because not being perfectly thin made my self-perception one of being fat. Now I view me in my own eyes and I’ve gotten a beautiful, soft shapely body without losing weight!

* You can CHOOSE to believe that abuse you get from a romantic partner is your fault because you’re not perfect, or you did something that you don’t understand but he or she says you did. Or, you can CHOOSE to accept that some people have issues that have nothing to do with you, and you should NOT stay with someone who hurts you over and over, since no one can be perfect. And leave fast!

Whose perception rules you? Mom’s? The media’s? Your romantic partner’s? When I was a DoorMat I gave way too much importance to what others thought and not enough—or nothing—to my own view. Ha! I rarely had a view of my own since I was too busy agreeing with everyone else’s. It made me think I was more secure, but that was also a perception. Deep down I knew my security was only as good as my butt kissing. That in itself felt lousy! But I was too scared of losing the people who controlled my perception to change. Now my vision is clear and my security is solid, because I get it from ME, not my erroneous perception of others being there for me.

Create your own perception! How you see yourself and project it commands respect or footprints. Be careful about how you blow up situations that reinforce low self-esteem. Watch for your own distorted perceptions.

• That extra five pounds makes you fat.
• The five-minute incident ruins your day.
• One mistake makes you a screw-up.
• One boyfriend who hurt you makes you a poor judge of men.
• One girlfriend who took advantage of you makes you a pushover.
• You don’t know something so you’re stupid in general.

Enough already! Don’t be your own worst enemy. You can CHOOSE to control this. Don’t blow flaws or problems out of proportion. I remember the pain of seeing only what I hated in the mirror. I never saw my pretty face. For years I was fat and ugly, yet, I was far from that. But a few extra pounds drastically altered my perception. Now, even with some flab, I’m a very pretty, hot chick! Perception is YOUR choice. Do you distort yours as excuses to not risk moves to stand up for you?

* “I’ve never gotten respect. I’m no good!” The past is history. Now is what counts. It doesn’t matter how some people treated you before. You know better now and can show with actions that you expect decent treatment.

* “I can never finish anything. I’ll never get anywhere.” Just because you haven’t finished things before, you’re not hopeless. Take baby steps to complete a project and prove that never finishing isn’t your M.O. anymore!

* “I’m not a cook so I’ll make a lousy meal.” You’re not what you haven’t done. You can follow directions, can’t you? One step a time. Someone once told me I made awful coffee. It was one time but I believed I was incapable of make something worth drinking. When my friend pushed me to try again with her watching, I did it all by myself, and everyone enjoyed it!

* “I should be further along in my career so I’m a loser.” Says who? Individuals work on different timelines. Not advancing enough doesn’t make you a loser unless you choose to be. Learn more skills to be a mover, not loser! Appreciate what you have done instead of dwelling on what you haven’t.

* “People don’t like me.” Paranoia will destroy ya. Do you expect rejection and emit an air of self-protection? Act friendly and expect friendliness. You truly do get back what you give out.

Pay attention to what beliefs you have that nurture a negative perception. Look for ways to reinforce a more positive one. That leads to SUCCESS. Just because you’ve believed something for a long time, doesn’t mean it’s true or that you must continue living up, or down, to that perception. Remind yourself that your perception is YOUR choice, so make it yourself! Then focus on coloring your world a brighter shade of happiness! This recovering DoorMat can attest that it feels like the biggest high you can get!

Pay attention to how you see situations and consciously choose to be fair to you. Have a very blessed weekend, full of colorful, positive perceptions.

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