Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Guilt & the Law of Attraction

I’ve been writing about guilt and how it hurts our lives. It gives other people power over your life and happiness. Often your choice to assuming guilt is a lose/lose situation.

You lose if you give in to what the person makes you feel guilty about, such as canceling your plans to help them, loaning money you don’t want to (and know you probably won’t get back), giving a referral about someone you don’t really trust, etc. Guilt makes you do things you don’t want to. That makes you unhappy.

You lose if you don’t give in to what the person wants from you if you let guilt take over. That too makes you unhappy.

The Law of Attraction means you get back what you put out. If you put out that you’re accepting a mindset that brings unhappiness, you attract more unhappiness, probably in the form of more guilt. Why do that??! It brings nothing good. The people who make you feel guilty aren’t satisfied with one time. Guilt can be an ongoing process:

* Mom may moan about how much she needs you to call and visit her more, do things her way, raise your kids according to her standards, dress differently, attend functions you hate and a gazillion other demands on your time, beliefs or desires that you don’t want. It gets worse if she pulls the “woe is me” card. But it won’t change with you feeling guilt, which tells the Universe you need to be punished, even if you’re not sure why. So you continue to be punished with more guilt, or letting it make you give in to Mom when you don’t want to.

* Your romantic partner may blame you for his abuse, for her not wanting sex, or for all their ills. “If you didn’t____, I wouldn’t be in such bad shape.” Fear of losing love or companionship or sex makes us assume the guilt they throw. It’s so wrong! That tells the Universe your partner is justified in making you feel at fault, so the guilt, and unhappiness continue to come to you.

* Your boss thinks you should work all the time—late during the week and even on some weekends. If you don’t go along you’re not dedicated to the company. So you feel guilty for wanting to spend more time with your family, or just getting enough sleep. And guilt sets in like a black cloud over your life. When you work longer, anger is generated. If you leave on time, you’re guilty. Lose/lose. Guilt tells the Universe that you believe you should work more. So they cycle continues—working more than is fair to ask for or feeling guilty during your time off. The Universe supports your belief that you should work more to please your boss by creating more “opportunities” to work longer hours.

* Your friend always counts on you to drop her kids off informal babysitting or to fix his car—even though it limits your free time and isn’t reciprocated. If you say no, you’re made out to be a bad friend. She complains you’re screwing up her meeting, since she can’t bring her kids. He digs that you know how to fix cars and he doesn’t so you should help him. Until you squash your guilt by accepting that just because you can do something, you don’t have to—and, people can be hired to baby sit or fix a car or whatever else you’re needed for—the Universe will keep sending you more requests.

Guilt tells the universe that you’re wrong, so you attract more of that. The more that’s requested of you, the more guilt—a vicious guilty cycle that only YOU can break. The ONLY thing that can break that cycle is setting boundaries, which creates a different dynamic! Making your needs important changes the energy you put out and attracts more positive goodies.

If you don’t want to do something, don’t, and tell yourself it’s okay! Put out the message that you’re taking care of you.

If the actions you deem in your best interest get accusations of guilt, affirm that you’re doing nothing wrong.

We attract what we put out. Walking around with guilt brings more of the stuff that creates guilt. Saying no WITHOUT guilt shows you know that it’s okay to make your own decisions about what’s right and wrong. That attracts more acceptance, and folks will get used to the new and improved, guilt-free YOU! The people who continue to hurl guilt bullets should feel guilty about their unfair expectations of what you can give.

When you own the belief that you’re entitled to decide what’s right for you, even if others disagree, you’ll have the Law of Attraction on your side to support keeping guilt out of your head. It lightens up the darkness of your life that guilt creates.

So let the light of guilt-free shine! The Law of Attraction will shine good stuff back to make you feel even better.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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  • http://www.adriancarrpiano.com Adrian

    Great installment on guilt. I know, I am a recovering guilt generator. I don’t even need anyone else in the equation. Whatever I would do, it would never be good enough, and my 20/20 hindsight was always there. It’s a great recipe to suck the joy out of all actions and decisions. And ultimately it rendered me not wanting to do anything. Thanks for letting me share, it’s part of my ongoing recovery.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks Adrian! I know all about living in guilt and glad you’re recovering!

  • Pat Miran

    I’ve never thought about guilt this way but it makes a lot of sense. I will try to change my thinking so I stop attracting more guilt. Thanks!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    The good news is you can Pat! Thanks for letting me know.

  • Anonymous

    amazing topic..i never viewed guilt this way?! but isnt change really necessary to live under a roof…? what in a situation where a person from whom i expect some behavioural changes keeps throwing blame and guilt on me for all the insensitive behaviour from his/her part?! i deny i resist…then he/she goes back to the bad behaviour ?!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    The ONLY one you can change is YOU and YOUR response to another person. And, YOUR response to someone trying to make you feel guilty.

  • julesmoz

    That throws some of my relationship problems into sharp relief! Not only will this help me, it will also help them, I’m sure. Thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks for letting me know it helped you!

  • Anonymous

    Something bad happened recently. I was accused of cheating and lying in my relationships. I agreed to my fault in the episode, but that has been interpreted to put the entire blame on me. I am resilient to the blame and I’m being called insensitive and uncaring by those close to me. The taunts never stop and it becomes hard for me to restrain my anger, though I haven’t really let it out. I have taken responsibility of this incident since it all started because of me, but it seems they want to see me crumble before them to understand that it affects me. Your words have reaffirmed my stand, but I don’t know how to share it with them as they feel I’m always preaching to escape responsibility. I cry, but I don’t like to make an exhibition of it. I’ve apologized, but it doesn’t qualify as anything to them. I’ve shared my fears and feelings very honestly and I am been taunted further. I know that they are hurt but, I believe they do not understand the impact of the guilt on me that they’re throwing at me.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    It’s best not to continue to defend yourself if it’s not getting through. If you know you’re not wrong, try to leave it be and find ways to avoid the people who continue to hurt you.

  • http://aandrusiak.livejournal.com/ aandrusiak

    Thank you so much for demonstration guilt situations. I will now learn to say NO wothout guilt.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Glad the post helped you! : ) You have a RIGHT to say NO. It feels so good when you do it without guilt.

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