Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Can You Really Live by the Grace of Passion?

Can You Really Live by the Grace of Passion?

Absolutely YES! I read a post last week at Tom Volkar’s blog, Delightful Work, called Work as Play? It opened with the question, “Have you yet found work that is so delightful that you’d do it for free?” Like me, Tom is his own boss. Also like me, he loves and values the total freedom of self-determination. Then he confessed that there’s nothing he currently does that he’d do for free. But being your own boss is definitely a blessing in itself. It can allow for passions in other areas.

I commented that I’m someone who found her passion and only do what I love.

I rarely meet people who feel the way about their work as I do about mine and know how hard it is to be in this place of satisfaction. A majority of people just work for the money. I heard two guys chatting while we all waited on line in the bank. When asked how he was, the first said, “you know, eating, sleeping and working—the great American dream—hal ha!” The other nodded in agreement.

And here I thought the great American dream was to have opportunities. I’m taking advantage of my version! After being a DoorMat with no self-determination, I’m determined to hold onto my power—because I CAN!

These guys discussed how anxiously they looked forward to being able to take retirement. They weren’t much over 40 years old and they were looking forward to retiring so they wouldn’t have to work anymore! Ah… that was the pinnacle of joy in their eyes. I felt sad for them that they didn’t seem to have things to look forward to tomorrow. So many people are in routines that they call life. But that isn’t living—it’s passing time.

Even if someone left me a huge trust fund, I’d never stop writing. Never! I can’t imagine not writing.

When I was a Doormat, I did everything that was expected of me. It felt more like being in a comatose state than like living—getting through today so I could get to tomorrow. Yet tomorrow I’d do the same thing. I became a teacher because I was told that’s what I should do. It developed into another routine as I stifled my need for passionate outlets. After leaving my husband, I continued teaching for a while, as I was prepared for nothing else. It was a time of soul searching.

Then I discovered the power of having faith. As someone who was always a non-believer, feeling a strong spiritual support blew me away. And impelled me to follow my heart.

I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in pursuit of ways to avoid living. When I finally decided to wake up, I was beyond the point of being scared. Still, I didn’t just glide from point A—unhappily teaching—to points B-Z and beyond—having a career that feels like a blessing each day. As Tom said, creating a life of self-determination isn’t easy. I didn’t just become a successful author. I built up to it.

Preparation and desire can help you find a path to satisfaction from how you make a living. Many authors have day jobs, so leaving mine was sort of scary. I say sort of, since I took steps before I cut off my other sources of income. I didn’t quit a job since I’ve actually never had a permanent one. For years I’ve been commitment phobic about my time. I have no problem committing with the right guy.

But my time—that’s the most valuable commodity in my eyes.

After many years of living in DoorMatville, my time became precious. I was tired of feeling committed to doing whatever others wanted. It was time to live and breathe on my own terms, so I didn’t want obligations—unless they were ones I truly desired—to limit what I could do. I was teaching, but as a substitute once I got divorced. While I earned less in money and benefits, I gained more in freedom. When the opportunity arose to travel, I could just say I wasn’t available to work for two weeks, and off I’d go. I love being free to do what I want, when I want, how I want.

Subbing was easy. I could have worked every day if I chose to. But one day, after thinking about how much I didn’t want to continue to do it, I realized I was ready to make the leap. At the end of the school year, I’d get a renewal form to fill out to teach the following year. It was a simple page that I just had to sign, put it in the envelope they sent, and mail. So easy. And, so easy to continue in my rut.

I decided I was ready to be happy! To rock and roll with life! So I burned the renewal and never looked back.

Working for yourself can be tough, and I admire that Tom has been able to do that. I’d never written anything for money and was just beginning to teach some workshops on the music industry and self-empowerment. There was no clear vision of how I’d earn a living. But by that time, my faith was VERY strong and I was living according to the law of attraction. I knew I had to make room in my life. I could have renewed the license, put it in a draw and just not teach. But, that showed doubt, and I don’t doubt God’s support! I knew when I showed I’m ready for it, the guide would come. My circumstance just worked out after that.

Once my safety net was cut, opportunities opened. Even in quiet financial times, I keep the faith. I’m on a happy path and don’t ever want to get off it. If you choose to make changes, do it slowly. Take the time to explore your options. Decide what’s most important to you. Next week I’ll post some specific tips for getting out of a work rut. For now, think about how happy you are—or aren’t. Then decide what it’s worth to look forward to work instead of looking forward to it being over.

In his blog Tom also asked, “Could the most delightful work possibly be the freedom to not work at all?

I don’t think that would work for most people. There are many stories about people who win the lottery, quit work, and blow the money because it doesn’t make them happy. It’s important to have fulfilling work to live in order to live with satisfaction and contentment. My plan for when I win the lottery ? is to invest some for a guaranteed income to pay my bills and use the rest to help others. I’d continue to write, speak, and counsel people, without having to get paid. Even if I became a gazillionaire, there’s no way I’d stop doing what I do now!

I know I’m a very blessed chick! My passion for writing is so strong that I couldn’t live without it.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;



  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09202025681626818958 Golf Fitness Swing Trainer

    It’s great to see all your passion come out in your blog posts. Looks like from the picture you were enjoying a beautiful day in Idaho.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    You’re so right about the photo Mike. How did you recognize it? Two years ago I put together a music book tour and drove around the whole country solo for 3 months, speaking at colleges, etc. One of my dreams was to go to Couer d’Alene, ID, so I purposely arranged for my tour to go through there and found a bookstore to host an event. That’s part of I live my passions–making my dreams come true while making a living!

  • http://delightfulwork.com/ Tom Volkar

    Wow, Daylle, so inspiring, you’ve covered so much that I want to comment on but I’ll limit myself to these two points.1). “So many people are in routines that they call life. But that isn’t living—it’s passing time.” I once heard this referred to as living in the margins of ones life. It’s up to those of us who believe that work can bring us alive to continue to shout about our experiences so that others may see what’s possible. Unfortunately these same kind of folks often lament by saying, “same old, same old” when they run into one another. Talk about the kiss of death. It’s our responsibility as full livers of life us to ask them to consider the possibility that work can be fulfilling.2). I said..“Could the most delightful work possibly be the freedom to not work at all?” Then you said..”I don’t think that would work for most people.” Perhaps not for most people but at least for those who live an examined life. It will work for the readers of our blogs. I believe that it all depends on what you value and if freedom is number one for you then enjoying that freedom is the work that makes you sing. Even if it’s not much work at all.This is a very interesting discussion and I appreciate your writing in keeping it going. I have to admit that deep in my gut there is a tiny flame that says I could walk away from all of the income streams that pay my bills and still be okay. Writing like yours fans that flame. Thank you.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    I’m glad to fan your flame Tom! Following your passion, whether for work or play, is the most joyous way to live. We can’t get back time we waste living by rote. I’d actually rather do what I do for free since I wouldn’t have to deal with editors. I’m actually putting it out to find a benefactor to give me what I need to self-publish my book How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, and I plan to give it away. Whether for free and money, I’ll continue to do what I do and wake up smiling every day!~

  • Anonymous

    Passion driven life is the best and I’m trying to find my way there. Thanks for the encouragement!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08511202451873470280 Rachel Fleischman, MSW, LCSW

    I love witnessing your courage and ability to create the life that your soul wants you to have. I am learning that I can do work that I absolutely love, and get paid to do it as well. Who knew?Now that I have found the work that makes me sing, I want to share this joy with everyone I meet!I love your clear tip on incrementality Tom. We need to move in steps, to experience one change at a time, so that we can assimilate all the newness in our lives.I hope to see you in the danceWay to go Tom!http://www.dancingyourbliss.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks for stopping by Rachel, and for your kind words! Doing what you love for a living is a priceless blessing!Daylle

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.