Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Many of my clients wistfully say a version of, “I just wish [THIS] would happen or work out.” Or “If only someone would help me.” I’ve got news for you boys and girls! These thoughts will just keep you in DreamLand. Just like Santa, the wish fairy doesn’t exist!

I lived in a state of wishful thinking when I was a DoorMat. I yearned for what others had without doing anything further and kept hoping that my wish fairy would miraculously appear and make my dreams would come true. Back then my wishful thinking as big as anyone else’s. I’d fantasize about having the perfect man and play out how I’d feel if I could ever find a way to leave my teaching job, which I hated. I wonder what it was like to look in the mirror without hating what I saw. Yet nothing materialized.

I waited. And waited. And felt angry and frustrated.

It felt like I was destined to be unhappy. Where was that wish fairy I kept wishing for!!?! Many of us are subconsciously in fairy tale mode. Waiting, wishing, getting angry and frustrated when the wish fairy never visits. TV and movies have the happy endings we all believe should just come. I waited for the wish fairy for years.

Until I realized I that I had to be my own wish fairy.

Ahhhh… I woke up a little. Wishing was getting me nowhere but frustrated. It was up to me to make my wishes come true. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself kept me in a wishing rut and made everything seem more unattainable. When my wish fairy didn’t wave her magic wand, I’d get discouraged, which made it even harder for me to take action. I finally understood that I needed to wave my own magic wand to make things happen!

And I did!

Life gets better when you take control of your own outcomes. First, figure out exactly what you really want. It’s harder to make your wishes come true if you don’t know exactly what they are. Often we think broadly, instead of honing in on what’s really desired. Your magic wand is the action you take to make your dreams become real life experiences! Dreaming in bed is nice if you like fantasy. I prefer reality—seeing my dreams materialize into my experiences.

Do you want to have your own “magic wand”? You can, if you turn wishes into intentions.
“I wish I could have a career I enjoy” can be “I intend to find a career that makes me happy.”
“I hope to find a romantic partner” can be “There’s a good person in my future and I intend to find him/her.”

Be specific in your wishes:
“I want more money” is vague. “I want to expand my income from doing (THIS) or (THAT)” shows your direction.
“I want to be able to relax more” can be “I intend to make more free time after work for running or …..”

One GREAT tool for honing my wishes into doable objectives was reading Wishcraft by Barbara Sher. It’s not a spiritual way to manifest. Instead, she talks about how to make concrete plans for turning your wishes into reality. I’m delighted to share that I just found this book available as a FREE download at I highly recommend you read it if you want to be your own wish fairy. Figure out exactly what you want and affirm it with details to own your own magic wish wand.

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