Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Don’t Reduce Your Price!

Stores have markdown sales in order to move inventory or get rid of products that aren’t selling. It’s good business sense to do it at appropriate times. But the practice is self-defeating if you reduce your own value. Whether it’s for business or pleasure, many of us give ourselves away in ways that create feelings of being less worthy of receiving compensation or good treatment.

We devalue ourselves in many situations, and then wonder why we’re never happy. Hello! How can you attract happy situations if you sell your value short? When I was a DoorMat, I had a dirt-cheap exchange rate:


* I put off asking for more money when I had a job because I thought my boss might get angry.
* I did work that only people in much higher positions did—and did it well—but kept quiet after I mentioned I should be paid more and got laughter.
* I did all sorts of nice things for each guy I was involved with, even when they did little for me besides crumbs of sweetness alternating with disrespectful behavior.
* I wrote and spoke for free because I didn’t value my gift enough to give it monetary value.
* I did favors whenever asked, even though there was rarely help when I needed it.
* I loaned money that never got repaid, yet continued loaning more to the same people.


DoorMats wait to be walked on and give themselves away. They take crumbs instead of expecting to get the whole enchilada. That makes you settle for less. Most people are at least somewhat insecure. When you have even a little self-doubt, guilt about not helping someone, or a lack of confidence, it’s easier to hesitate to give yourself value or not recognize it in the first place. That’s what fuels living in Doormatville!

When you focus on your value, it’s harder to let people take advantage of you or your skills. You CAN get into the habit of viewing yourself as a valuable person by paying attention to how you handle yourself in situation where people take advantage of you.


If you don’t value YOU, why should anyone else?

People get cues from you. If you walk into a room slumped, not making eye contact, and speak without conviction, you’ve lost respect at the gate. Looking insecure helps people assume they can take what they want. Acting like you have no value attracts the buzzards, who see you as road kill to nibble on. When you act like you’re a somebody—and you are a somebody—SURPISE! People treat you like a somebody.

If you want to be happy and whole, find your value and make it a high one!

Self-value begins in your head. Even if you don’t feel super good about yourself, you can begin to do things to build yourself up:


* Repeat affirmations such a: “I approve of myself right now.” “I have great value.” “I deserve to get paid for my skills.” Find more of your own!
* Look in the mirror regularly and say, “I love you.” Point at yourself and say, “YOU’VE got great value!”
* List all your good qualities and ask friends for suggestions if you need more. Read it a lot to bolster your confidence.
* Practice walking with good posture. It helps you feel better about yourself and makes a better impression.
* Become more conscious of how you de-value yourself-worth. Nobody does that for you! It’s YOUR choice!
* Hang a sign prominently with your version of, “I intend to get what I deserve and that’s A LOT!” If you see it often enough, you’ll start to believe it.

Remind yourself that God wants you to have abundance and to be treated well!


No one has to believe your value at first but YOU. Once you accept it, others will too. It will show in how you carry yourself and your attitude. Many women validate themselves by the man they’re with. Many men by how much money they make. But your value begins with accepting yourself as a person. Otherwise you’ll take a lot of crap from a romantic partner if you’re scared of being alone or from a boss if getting a new job feels scary or your mother if you feel you have to let her dump on you since she’s your mother. NOT! As I said, that’s the express track to DoorMatville.

Start slow and find ways to be more loving to you. One baby step at a time is all it takes to get to a place of value. If you have serious issues, get a therapist to work through them with you. Then become more conscious of your value, incorporate it into your demeanor and expect to get back what you’re worth! When you truly expect it, you’ll get a lot more goodies! If this recovering DoorMat who thought she was fat and ugly and useless could become an extremely valuable person, you can too!

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  • Amanda M. Gladden

    These are fantastic tips. Thank you for posting this.

  • Jen at Semantically driven

    So true, yet so hard to do.

  • Anastasia Kile

    Your post is wonderful. How we see ourselves truly determines how others treat us. It’s so easy for us to allow others to determine how much we are worth, but the real answer to self-worth is found within ourselves.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks for your kind words! It’s so true that your only truth is the one you believe. So why not make it a valuable one! : )

  • Patricia Singleton

    Thanks for writing and sharing this article. It is a conversation that I keep having with my sister who goes from one bad relationship to another.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    This is a common patter with women Patricia. I used to go from one bad relationship to another and address this in detail in my book All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise.

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