Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Carrie Bradshaw Finally Got it Right!


Like many people, I watched Sex and the City and related to the Carrie Bradshaw character. She waffled between self-empowered and struggles with men. Her obsession with Big showed her vulnerability. That’s why I was so delighted with her last statement on the final episode:

“The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you YOU love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

A majority of people don’t have a good relationship with themselves. We have relationships with money, romantic partners, friends, even stuff we buy. These days, some people have better relationships with their tech toys—computers, Blackberrys, iPhones, etc.—than they have with people, no less themselves. Just today a woman said she stopped dating a guy who practically lived on line. Even his sex life was “satisfied” on porn sites. We’re becoming a society of intimacy disconnect.

YOU often come in last when relationships come to mind. Yet a relationship with yourself is most important. It sets a good foundation for all other relationships. I used to be who others wanted me to be. I bought into the hype of chasing what’s touted as a must have or must be. Nobody told me that I was important. It was all about everyone else.

Then I discovered the blessing of loving myself. The rest of my lovely life fell into place after that!

What does self-loving mean? Showing yourself kindness. Making an effort to do things that are comforting or enjoyable. Taking good care of your health is loving. So is treating yourself to a splurge. The more you treat yourself in ways that make you feel good, the more loving you feel toward YOU. This isn’t about self-absorption. It’s about a conscientious effort to take care of you. That’s self-love and it brings all sorts of goodies!

How many times do you go to a mirror and say “I love you?” Are you spoutin’ zeroes? I do it easily now. Falling in love with YOU means going beyond how you look, your age and how much money you make to appreciate the person YOU ARE and the values YOU’VE chosen. I’ll be giving tips for doing this in future posts. For now, become conscious of how loving—or not—you are to YOU.

I’ll repeat this quote:
“The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you YOU love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

When you—male or female—have a loving relationship with yourself, and value who you are as a unique individual who’s worthy of love and happiness, it’s harder to settle for a romantic partner who isn’t right for you. That really is just fabulous because it helps you wait to meet someone who does love you for the right reasons.

Since I loved Sex and the City so much, I was delighted to have the opportunity to be a guest on Candace Bushnell’s (creator of Sex and the City) radio show on Sirius. I’ve done many appearances but never did I do a whole hour live with a glass of wine that was never allowed to get low. We laughed, screamed and debated topics about relationships and being empowered. Since I’ve learned to love and appreciate me, blessings like this manifest regularly! That’s Candace and I in the photo.



  • Anonymous

    very nice & important for people (espcially women!) to see & read with their own eyes!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    I agree. Thanks for your input! : )

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