J Walking

J Walking

The hard week

So this last week was a hard one.
I started by 15th (?!?) round of chemo a week ago yesterday, finished it this past Tuesday and have been pretty much laid out since Monday.
It isn’t that I’ve been sick – we seem to have gotten control of that part of things… thankfully. It is that I have been exhausted, or as a friend said, “bad tired.” It was an exhaustion so thorough and complete that it defined the world. Nothing else mattered too much just because I was too tired to care about it.
After 13 months of chemo I’ve come to understand certain things about it. One of those things is the cloudiness and depression that come with the drugs. It starts as very high clouds on the first day of the cycle and gets cloudier and cloudier with each passing day until, by day 5, I feel enveloped in dark and foreboding clouds. It then goes on for another day or two until, suddenly, it lifts.
Today, happily, it has lifted. And I am making my way back.
Hello again.

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posted February 2, 2008 at 1:34 pm

David, I often wonder if wisdom can come anywhere except in the clouds. What process is it that takes place in these times that changes us so?
Glad they’ve lifted – have good weekend.

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Larry Parker

posted February 2, 2008 at 2:38 pm

Your fellow blogger Therese Borchard has wonderful resources regarding depression, including depression caused by/related to another major illness.

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posted February 2, 2008 at 3:48 pm

Glad you’re back, friend. Feel free to post a note so we can hold you up in prayer.
Oh, and sorry for the hijacking.

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posted February 2, 2008 at 5:00 pm

You’re in our thoughts and prayers, David. Welcome back! We talked amongst ourselves while you were gone :)

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Trish Ryan

posted February 2, 2008 at 6:02 pm

Welcome back!
Here’s to a great, cloud-free weekend for you and your family :)

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posted February 2, 2008 at 6:56 pm

Was wondering if you were doing ok, David, and prayed accordingly. In your absence I was finally able to evangelize most of the regulars here and get them back to the KJV.

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posted February 2, 2008 at 7:46 pm

David…glad to hear you’re back and that you can see the end of this tunnel.
BTW – I’m advocating the Geneva Bible..olde English ROCKS!

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c kitty

posted February 2, 2008 at 11:54 pm

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about chemo. It does help others. I’m on a 6 cycle program, 4 down 2 to go, and had been feeling very impatient and just plain cranky about having to do this at least two more times. To do it 15 times is downright heroic! Sometimes I have to remind myself to thank the Lord that this treatment is available to us, rather than complain about the process and all the lovely side effects. Here’s something I did to try to get outside of it all,. I tried to imagine what a comedian , like a Bob Newhart, could do with the absurdity of the endlesss cycles of medication and side-effects. Try it next time you’re in the fog.

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posted February 3, 2008 at 12:13 am

Never had it myself, but my 5 year old had 18 months of chemo followed by 10 months more followed by radiation and major surgery. I would much rather have taken it myself. She’s 23 next week which means it has been 18 years since her diagnosis. She says she doesn’t even remember that time except for all the neat presents. and meeting the Football team – oh yeah and getting a dog. I love your idea of reacting to it like Bob Newhart.
“Now let me get this straight, you’re going to put a reservoir “where”. And this little vial is supposed to bring up my white cells, this one my red cells and this one my platlets? Now why would you give me this big stack of emesis basins. I won’t need more than one – will I. Oh, it would be so jolly.
Hope you’re ok c kitty.

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Brian Horan

posted February 3, 2008 at 12:49 am

I don’t know or understand what you’re going through. I wish you the best.

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posted February 3, 2008 at 1:03 am

It’s true, David. I’ve foresworn NRSV. I don’t know if the thumb torture was entirely necessary, Canucklehead.

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Marcia Erickson

posted February 3, 2008 at 11:11 am

I’m speechless David…I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I think of you often my brother and friend!

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posted February 3, 2008 at 1:55 pm

(((David and the Kuo family)))
I will pray that you will recover to be better than before.

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