So this last week was a hard one.
I started by 15th (?!?) round of chemo a week ago yesterday, finished it this past Tuesday and have been pretty much laid out since Monday.
It isn’t that I’ve been sick – we seem to have gotten control of that part of things… thankfully. It is that I have been exhausted, or as a friend said, “bad tired.” It was an exhaustion so thorough and complete that it defined the world. Nothing else mattered too much just because I was too tired to care about it.
After 13 months of chemo I’ve come to understand certain things about it. One of those things is the cloudiness and depression that come with the drugs. It starts as very high clouds on the first day of the cycle and gets cloudier and cloudier with each passing day until, by day 5, I feel enveloped in dark and foreboding clouds. It then goes on for another day or two until, suddenly, it lifts.
Today, happily, it has lifted. And I am making my way back.