J Walking

Kim and I are starting to be a bit concerned about our prospective baby boy (codename: Jumbo) due in June. Consider last night at 3:00am. I’m sleeping. Kim is sleeping. Somewhere in my subconscious I hear quiet words said, “Dear God, what are you doing?” There is some squirming then more words, “Quiet down, quiet down, it is OK, it is OK.” There is more squirming. I am sort of awake and query my wife as to the problem.

“It is Jumbo, I flipped to my right side after being on my left all night and he is staging a breakout.”

I place my hand on her growing middle and promptly have my hand pounded. These aren’t feathery taps or gentle brushes. This is a hockey rumble – elbows and fists and feet and knees and probably a head but. Livvy never did this. And it kept going – bang, smash, boom, thwack.

Kim speculated that he didn’t like being flipped after being situated in one position for most of the night – made possible because of our tempurpedic bed that “distributes weight evenly thus allowing you stay in one position all night long” (the bed is another subject for another day – there are distinct disadvantages to it pertaining to amorous endeavors – bottom line? The bed sucks a prone person into a pit. Enough said.)

Nah, we speculated at 3:09am, that wouldn’t make sense. That much fury over being flipped? Aren’t in utero babies fairly emotionally placid? Do they even have emotions? Silly, we said. And on he rumbled. Kim couldn’t sleep. My hand was bruised. Her liver hurt. Ok, I exaggerate a bit.

At 3:16am we wonder if maybe he is ticked and she should flip over. She does. Two more smacks and he is still. Later in the night she moves first to her back and then gently back to her right side. She tricked him.

This morning we look at our darling and serene little 20-month-old daughter and wonder what this boy will bring. We envision flying objects and great destruction and are concerned for the safety and health of our dog (although she is 110 pounds and runs quickly) and for ourselves. What an adventure this dude may be.

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