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Jesus Needs New PR

Really? The hottest? No. It’s not. It’s not the hottest.

It might be holy. And pleasing to God. And non-Miley. And perfect for hayrides or sing-a-longs.

But the hottest? It’s not. But I think that’s the point, right? It’s not supposed to be the hottest. Right? I thought it was like that.

Do women who pursue modesty really want it to be the hottest? Do they want to spread that message between their boobs?

This confuses. Btw, what exactly are unpresentable parts?

Do dudes have unpresentable parts, too?

Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain…

I don’t know about you, but I love that old Gospel song. I call it my Amazing American Grace.

As a Christ-centered Patriot redeemed by the red, white, and blue blood of the Lamb, the only holiday non-Christmas that I love more than the Fourth of July is Thanksgiving! (<-You know, the day that we commemorate The New Israelites landing several hundred miles North of the New Promise Land! And what a day of rejoicing that should be.)

I love America’s birthday! There’s nothing quite like celebrating the sacrament of eating fried chicken and drinking cold Coca-Cola in remembrance of my country tis of thee. And this year, I’m so excited because AMERICA’S BIRTHDAY BASH and NASHVILLE’S CORNERSTONE CHURCH are joining armed forces to present an experience that you will NEVER FORGET: “No More Bull”

Now, you’re probably wondering…

What is “No More Bull”?!

Well, it’s sort of like the best part of MEMORIAL DAY and the best part of GOOD FRIDAY combined with just the right amount of Branson, Missouri! It’s like “America Dying on the Cross for Our Sins” the musical (with bull-fighting and in-door pyrotechnics**!)

**The largest in-door pyrotechnics demonstration in the state of Tennessee!

Here, watch this video for more information! Because I bet you think I’m kidding, right? I’m not!

In addition to food, indoor bull-riding, and an indoor fireworks display, convict-turned-pastor Maury Davis will be preaching his sermon called “No More Bull!”

Get it? Get it? No more bull? It’s ironic because bulls will actually be worshiping with us in the sanctuary.

So, come celebrate America washing away your sins WITH US!

4th of July Rodeo Commercial from Cornerstone Church on Vimeo.

Independence Day Services – No More Bull

Wednesday, June 30, at 7 PM,  Thursday, July 1, at 7 PM, Friday, July 2, at 7 PM   Saturday, July 3, at 5 PM,  Sunday, July 4, at 10 AM

And just in case you’re not convinced, here’s another video that might just get you to ask Uncle Sam into your heart…

**DISCLAIMER**MATTHEW PAUL TURNER will not be attending Cornerstone Church’s ‘No More Bull’ American Church Service. He only pretended to be attending for the purpose of this post.

Tennessee has had a few entertaining political ads, but the ads here have been nothing compared to the ones running in Alabama!

First, remember this guy? He’s from Alabama.

And sure, his ad is humorous with a priceless ending…

…but that ad does not come close to comparing to these creative political gems from congressional candidate Rick Barber! He’s Alabama’s Tea Party activist. And he’s promising to take YOUR fight to Washington D.C.!

According to Rick’s website, he’s a product of the South. He spent his childhood in Arlington, Texas in a modest home with a Christian upbringing.

And in this first ad, Rick drops a bomb of angst and crinkled eyebrows on Islamic JEE-HAWD.

In this next ad, Rick meets with three influential dead Americans and asks them to join his campaign!

And lastly, in this ad Rick tells Abraham Lincoln what’s what!

Watching these ads, I’m inclined to believe that…

1) Rick was/is a Promise Keeper (Does Promise Keepers still exist?)
2) Rick hates maple trees because they make him think of Canada
3) Rick’s wife, when Rick’s not looking, rolls her eyes at him
4) Rick really thinks that, if Ben Franklin were alive, they would be leading a church small group together
5) Rick eats beef jerky

Video #3 found at Christian Nightmares

Ugh. I used this same exact “argument” in my freshman US History class once. My teacher was an atheist and I didn’t know. It wasn’t pretty. He was much smarter than I was, and didn’t care that I thought he was going to burn for eternity in hell. Since he didn’t care, telling him that in the middle of class wasn’t nearly as much fun as it could have been.

Wow. So embarrassed.

I feel sorry for the kid.

Found @ Stuff Fundies Like