Jesus Needs New PR

First of all, who the heck is Patrick J. Buchanan?!

And secondly, is Pat Buchanan still relevant?

Maybe he’s relevant to the 62 people who watch MSBNC on a regular basis.

But to the rest of us?

Obviously, somebody must think his words/opinions matter, because the man sells a boatload of books…

I tend to think of Pat as 1999′s Mike Huckabee, you know, a somewhat nice Christian conservative man who, because he wasn’t popular enough to win the Republican nomination for president, decided to go off his medications and start his own TV show…

All that to say… Pat’s back with a new book! And like most of Pat’s books, this one is chock full of fear-filled conservative prose, 496 pages of Pat’s melodramatic political angst which supports Pat’s latest good news: America is committing suicide.

Rumor has it, the book comes with its very own noose and detailed instructions on how to use it…

Lucky for us, The Drudge Report scored an early copy and offered its readers an early sampling of some (maybe all?) of the chapters…

My favorites?!

Chapter Two: The End of Christian America (Yep, he goes there…)

According to the Drudge Report…

If [Christopher] Dawson is correct, the drive to de-Christianize America, to purge Christianity from the public square, public schools and public life, will prove culturally and socially suicidal for the nation.

The last consequence of a dying Christianity is a dying people. Not one post-Christian nation has a birth rate sufficient to keep it alive….The death of European Christianity means the disappearance of the European tribe, a prospect visible in the demographic statistics of every Western nation.

Chapter Three: The Crisis of Catholicism (Is America’s Catholicism no longer considered a part of “Christian America”?)

Half a century on, the disaster is manifest. The robust and confident Church of 1958 no longer exists. Catholic colleges and universities remain Catholic in name only. Parochial schools and high schools are closing as rapidly as they opened in the 1950s. The numbers of nuns, priests and seminarians have fallen dramatically. Mass attendance is a third of what it was. From the former Speaker of the House to the Vice President, Catholic politicians openly support abortion on demand.

And you know, it probably doesn’t help that Pope Benedict looks like a gargoyle. Seriously, put some bat wings on the man and he’d make a perfect ornament to decorate a cathedral or flower garden…

And then there’s…

Chapter Four 

Oh, God help chapter four…

Are you ready for this?

You’re not ready for this…

The End of White America

Wait. Isn’t that the title of a show in Branson?

Anyway, Pat just LOVES his white people. He loves white people so much that he spends an entire chapter wondering what America will do without them/us.

This chapter sounds like it could have been titled “The End of America,” since Pat seems to think that, without whites, America will hang itself (or become one big drug-selling rap group gang).

[W]hite America is an endangered species. By 2020, whites over 65 will out-number those 17 and under. Deaths will exceed births. The white population will begin to shrink and, should present birth rates persist, slowly disappear.

Canada has lots of white people. Maybe Pat could move there.

But then Pat writes…

Mexico is moving north.

What?! La palmadita es un bastardo de mierda.

But if Pat’s right, let’s hope Mexico brings with it some tequila so we can finish this chapter…

Ethnically, linguistically and culturally, the verdict of 1848 is being over-turned. Will this Mexican nation within a nation advance the goals of the Constitution -- to “insure domestic tranquility” and ‘make us a more perfect union’? Or have we imperiled our union? (Page 134)

Pat returns to his favorite color white in Chapter Nine: The White Party

Sounds absolutely thrilling! Make sure you bring crosses and matches to all of Pat’s book signings…




Click here for Drudge’s full post…

According to Suicide of a Superpower‘s back cover copy…

America is disintegrating.

The “one Nation under God, indivisible” of the Pledge of Allegiance is passing away. In a few decades, that America will be gone forever. In its place will arise a country unrecognizable to our parents.

Cue Full House‘s moral-of-the-story theme music…

This is the thrust of Pat Buchanan’s Suicide of a Superpower.

Pat’s thrust?

See what I mean? Melodramatic. And slightly icky.

Drudge’s final quote from the book comes from Chapter Eleven: The Last Chance, where Pat writes…

We are trying to create a nation that has never before existed, of all the races, tribes, cultures and creeds of Earth, where all are equal. In this utopian drive for the perfect society of our dreams we are killing the real country we inherited -- the best and greatest country on earth.

Wait. Did he just call America, you know, the country he thinks is sitting in the passenger seat of a car that’s in a garage with the door closed and the engine running, the GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH? Silly PATriot.

Just in case you’re interested: Patpocalypse releases on Tuesday.

In his new book, Pat Buchanan predicts America’s suicide is a post from: Jesus Needs New PR


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