Jesus Needs New PR

Jesus Needs New PR

My Ode to 2010’s Christian Culture (the good bad & Driscoll)

There’s so much to say about 2010; the whos, the whats, the shenanigans

So let’s look back one more time and remember the year in “Dr. Seuss” rhyme


We all felt the earthquake in Porta au Prince, and then dear old Pat Robertson made us all wince

By declaring poor Haiti had made a pact with the devil; how low can Pat go hit a whole nutha level

Dr. Dobson retired

Or perhaps he expired

Or maybe James knew that even God had grown tired

Of hearing his mix

Of advice/politics

And I guess he decided to find a new shtick…

Now that Dobson was gone and Pat declared crazy, I’m sure some fundies thought their future looked hazy


But up from the depths of “godless” Seattle, AT-PastorMark emerged aching for battle

In a cage against “buds”? (Does he just wear a toga?) Or against the demons of hell who created Avatar and yoga


And though he jams to Jay Z and shouts the word “pissed,” I still think that Mark is “fundamentalist”

When Nashville got flooded, the Church became super; and look who was interviewed by Anderson Cooper

Francis Chan sold more books

Tobymac rapped more hooks

And at Rick’s church on Easter, Jonas Bros. showed off their good looks


Speaking of Rick, he finally found Twitter and took to it just like a cat takes to litter

America’s Pastor tweeted wise and tweeted sweet, but then all hell broke loose over one little Tweet

Tim Tebow wooed the ladies

And THIS HERE is shady

And THIS MAN no doubt will be single at 80


Jon Acuff released Stuff Christians Like; and @Flowerdust rode across country on bike

Regarding Anne Jackson, we know she’s an author; but please, for God’s sake, don’t call her “a blogger


Jesus burned to the ground in the Buckeye State and “God’s Judgment” was given a another due date

There was that Florida man with Yosemite Sam’s stache who threatened to turn the Koran into ash


Palin and Gosselin were called ‘Sisters in Christ’; but then who left the “family”? Author Anne Rice!

And like years before, Jesus got spotted, his face and his body imperfectly dotted

On pots and on stumps and pecked into trees, his name frightfully printed on ugly black tees


Jennifer Knapp emerged from the closet, and on Stephen Baldwin’s behalf, a site begged for depo$it$

And speaking of Baldwin, do you remember THIS? One more thing that reformed housewives resist!

Joyce Meyer ate cookies

Is THIS GUY a wookiee?


And Ed Young filmed THIS while wearing a hoodie

When BP spilled oil

This prophet’s pants became soiled

And social justice made Glenn Beck’s blood start to boil


Steven Furtick’s Sun stood Still (whenever he wills?)

And in Texas this week Santa was killed (Oh, and atheists beat Christians in a Q&A drill!)

2010 brought the perfect church cheer; it also brought Newt Gingrich’s movie of fear!


Rachel Held Evans wrote about monkeys, and for the sake of Jesus, some Christians got funky

David Platt got Radical

Tithing turned fanatical

And some of the Jesus Junk we made was really quite tragical


Jason Boyett wrote about doubt

And Oral Roberts’ grandson came out

Some things that happened we don’t know what they were about

And for better and worse, I think you’ll agree; when things go south I thank God there’s plan B (or Plan B?)

But here’s what I know, it’s easy to poke fun; but changing the tide is easier said then done

All of us are capable of bringing hell or bringing heaven; so here’s to hoping for peaceful 2011

What slice of 2010’s Christian culture will YOU remember the most?!

Comments read comments(27)
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posted December 21, 2010 at 1:45 pm

I’m trying to forget most of it. Except, maybe, the books that were published this year!

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posted December 21, 2010 at 1:45 pm

That’s awesome!

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Amy A.

posted December 21, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Um…amazing! Haha

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posted December 21, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Wookiee is spelled with two e’s. Yeah, I’m a geek.

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    Matthew Paul Turner

    posted December 21, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    But without the “i” right?


    And thank you!

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      posted December 21, 2010 at 2:39 pm

      No, the “i” is def. in there.

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Recovering Alumni

posted December 21, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Well, I’ll probably remember this video of discipleship by way of vomiting most:

But Mark Driscoll’s anti-woman rants are a close 2nd…

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Julie Anne Fidler

posted December 21, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Awesomeness! I loved your post about Joyce Meyer.

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posted December 21, 2010 at 2:31 pm


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Rocco Capra

posted December 21, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Well done.

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posted December 21, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Matthew, you are so damn clever; I can’t pick just one! Your blog is one of MY best finds of 2010. Merry Christmas! Or Happy holidays! Or whatever!

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posted December 21, 2010 at 3:09 pm

The part of fundy culture that has made the largest impression on me this (and last) year was their attempts to derail the science and social studies standards here in Texas.

Lying for Jesus is still lying.

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posted December 21, 2010 at 3:18 pm

entertaining and informative that’s what i think! :)

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Charlie's Church of Christ

posted December 21, 2010 at 3:32 pm

i bet that took you all weekend long to cook up MPT! :)

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posted December 21, 2010 at 3:42 pm

Nice! Thank you for sharing!

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posted December 21, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Very nice rhyming there Matthew

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posted December 21, 2010 at 6:11 pm

I’ve missed a lot of these :(. Have to keep up better with mpt next year <3

I watched the Ed Young video…in the comments some had wondered if he was taken out of context. I've heard that same "gospel" preached many many times. I know people who give & live at church 24/7 who struggle (of course I don't know *what* they're giving but they put something in each week so maybe they're "robbers" as Ed says and that's the reason) & those who barely attend seemingly be blessed (say seemingly as the majority of folks are most likely up to their eyeballs in debt).

Also one of the comments was about reading what the Bible says and not just taking what the Preacher Man says. When I moved here to TX I was shocked by how many people didn't bring Bibles to church. The churches had handouts and project the verses on the big screen. And most kinda glossed over it. They'll flash up Book Chapter:Verse & blab on about something that you have no clue how it allegedly relates to that verse. They can tell you that verse says whatever they want and 99% wouldn't have a clue.

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JIm Parker

posted December 21, 2010 at 8:13 pm

I believe that sums up 2010. May everyone have a blessed 2011. From Texas where Global Warming has begun. 84 degrees on 12/20. Only 2 years left until 12/12/12, the end of the world according to The History Channel. :-)

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posted December 21, 2010 at 8:24 pm

Oh I forgot about the Pants Man :p. Maybe that one guy can give him some tips when he finds that woman :p

Shoot! The Cindy video is off youtube because the account is banned. I missed that crazy :(. Apparently I’ve been under a rock, don’t remember hearing that Oral Roberts died!

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posted December 21, 2010 at 11:57 pm

and I heard Matthew exclaim ‘ere he drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night”

not exactly Seuss…but close.

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posted December 22, 2010 at 11:05 am

pretty neat rhyme

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posted December 22, 2010 at 1:54 pm

i mean really, matthew. this blog has become my all-time favorite. i’m still trying to figure out how to get in my daily yoga and remain a christian and i think i’ve figured it out—i just wear a rosary while i do it. genius, right? pastor mark… bah humbug.

really looking forward to what you’ve got coming up in 2011!


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posted December 22, 2010 at 9:01 pm

Watching Oral Robert’s grandson read the letter he wrote to his uncle has me in tears. I don’t think I can stop. It makes me think of the true story which was turned into a movie called Prayers for Bobby. I’m speechless and humbled. Thank you for sharing that video Matt.

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