Jesus Needs New PR

There’s so much to say about 2010; the whos, the whats, the shenanigans

So let’s look back one more time and remember the year in “Dr. Seuss” rhyme

We all felt the earthquake in Porta au Prince, and then dear old Pat Robertson made us all wince

By declaring poor Haiti had made a pact with the devil; how low can Pat go hit a whole nutha level

Dr. Dobson retired

Or perhaps he expired

Or maybe James knew that even God had grown tired

Of hearing his mix

Of advice/politics

And I guess he decided to find a new shtick…

Now that Dobson was gone and Pat declared crazy, I’m sure some fundies thought their future looked hazy

But up from the depths of “godless” Seattle, AT-PastorMark emerged aching for battle

In a cage against “buds”? (Does he just wear a toga?) Or against the demons of hell who created Avatar and yoga

And though he jams to Jay Z and shouts the word “pissed,” I still think that Mark is “fundamentalist”

When Nashville got flooded, the Church became super; and look who was interviewed by Anderson Cooper

Francis Chan sold more books

Tobymac rapped more hooks

And at Rick’s church on Easter, Jonas Bros. showed off their good looks

Speaking of Rick, he finally found Twitter and took to it just like a cat takes to litter

America’s Pastor tweeted wise and tweeted sweet, but then all hell broke loose over one little Tweet

Tim Tebow wooed the ladies

And THIS HERE is shady

And THIS MAN no doubt will be single at 80

Jon Acuff released Stuff Christians Like; and @Flowerdust rode across country on bike

Regarding Anne Jackson, we know she’s an author; but please, for God’s sake, don’t call her “a blogger

Jesus burned to the ground in the Buckeye State and “God’s Judgment” was given a another due date

There was that Florida man with Yosemite Sam’s stache who threatened to turn the Koran into ash

Palin and Gosselin were called ‘Sisters in Christ’; but then who left the “family”? Author Anne Rice!

And like years before, Jesus got spotted, his face and his body imperfectly dotted

On pots and on stumps and pecked into trees, his name frightfully printed on ugly black tees

Jennifer Knapp emerged from the closet, and on Stephen Baldwin’s behalf, a site begged for depo$it$

And speaking of Baldwin, do you remember THIS? One more thing that reformed housewives resist!

Joyce Meyer ate cookies

Is THIS GUY a wookiee?

And Ed Young filmed THIS while wearing a hoodie

When BP spilled oil

This prophet’s pants became soiled

And social justice made Glenn Beck’s blood start to boil

Steven Furtick’s Sun stood Still (whenever he wills?)

And in Texas this week Santa was killed (Oh, and atheists beat Christians in a Q&A drill!)

2010 brought the perfect church cheer; it also brought Newt Gingrich’s movie of fear!

Rachel Held Evans wrote about monkeys, and for the sake of Jesus, some Christians got funky

David Platt got Radical

Tithing turned fanatical

And some of the Jesus Junk we made was really quite tragical

Jason Boyett wrote about doubt

And Oral Roberts’ grandson came out

Some things that happened we don’t know what they were about

And for better and worse, I think you’ll agree; when things go south I thank God there’s plan B (or Plan B?)

But here’s what I know, it’s easy to poke fun; but changing the tide is easier said then done

All of us are capable of bringing hell or bringing heaven; so here’s to hoping for peaceful 2011

What slice of 2010’s Christian culture will YOU remember the most?!

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