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Jesus Needs New PR


Will the Tea Party take an official stance on masturbation?

Christine O’Donnell’s big Republican win in Delaware shocked a lot of people.

She’s conservative.

She’s feisty.

She loves Jesus.

But before becoming a Republican senatorial candidate, Ms. O’Donnell was passionate about something very different: Not masturbating.

Watch what she told MTV in 1996.

Thoughts?

(Found at MSNBC)



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dave

posted September 15, 2010 at 5:16 pm


big surprise that this was aired on msnbc.



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    Matthew Paul Turner

    posted September 15, 2010 at 5:19 pm


    I’m sure other stations will pick it up…



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anon

posted September 15, 2010 at 5:20 pm


Is it wrong if I masturbate to pictures of Christine O’Donnell?



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    Joe Crenshaw

    posted September 15, 2010 at 5:24 pm


    Ohhhh!!!!!!! I am sure her and Palin have their “hands on” fans.



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    Charlie's Church of Christ

    posted September 15, 2010 at 6:03 pm


    that joke was set up like a fastball down the middle to Babe Ruth



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Megan

posted September 15, 2010 at 5:22 pm


My favorite part is hearing Joan Osborne’s “One of Us” in the backgroud, haha.



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Joe Crenshaw

posted September 15, 2010 at 5:24 pm


I guess she doesn’t have hands on experience . . .

I heard the Tea Partiers are against “self love” unless it’s too pictures of J. Edgar Hoover. :)

I guess she didn’t like the song, “I touch myself”

There are some more jokes in there but they are not appropriate for psuedo members of the clergy like myself.



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Joel Bradshaw

posted September 15, 2010 at 5:29 pm


I knew I recognized that backing track in the first part! That’s Joan Osborne’s “One of Us”. Classic!



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    Joel Bradshaw

    posted September 15, 2010 at 5:33 pm


    Also, the lyrics are pretty fantastic. “What if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us…nobody callin’ on the phone, ‘cept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome”. Sing it, Joan!



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jody

posted September 15, 2010 at 5:35 pm


Of all things to speak out about…she chose masturbation? Thanks for getting that life saving word out Christine. I am sure lots of lives will be better as a result of your masturbation “true love waits?” stance. Great way to paint the church as a fun loving and realistic group of folks.



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    Joe Crenshaw

    posted September 15, 2010 at 5:36 pm


    Masturbation is a better alternative than fornication and adultery . . if you don’t believe me ask Kobe Bryant and Bill Clinton.



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Travis Mamone

posted September 15, 2010 at 6:14 pm


Oh my gosh, I remember that episode! Made me NOT want to be a Christian.



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Christopher

posted September 15, 2010 at 8:08 pm


Gorillas masturbate. Just sayin’



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RobM

posted September 15, 2010 at 8:26 pm


I’m not sure it’s fair to use that against her now, but it does demonstrate she takes pretty fundamentalist/moralistic approach to politics. I really hope she loses (along with the other tea partiers) if for no other reason just to delegitimize Sarah Palin. Don’t like many of her (either Christine or Sarah’s) policies either.



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Wes

posted September 15, 2010 at 8:58 pm


I would say that politics in general is a fairly masturbatory enterprise.



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Wes

posted September 15, 2010 at 9:04 pm


Aaaaannnnddd The Daily Show just covered this topic. nice.



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Recovering Alumni

posted September 15, 2010 at 9:28 pm


This could have easily been an SNL sketch. Sad when the Christians are beyond satire.



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Ken Mabry

posted September 15, 2010 at 9:44 pm


Easy for a woman to say.



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    ttm

    posted September 16, 2010 at 9:23 am


    Why? Do you think women don’t “you know what”?



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Ken Mabry

posted September 15, 2010 at 9:44 pm


But she is kinda’ cute!…Hmmmm….excuse me.



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Mike

posted September 15, 2010 at 10:56 pm


And I’m thinking that O’Donnell’s push to become master of her domain might have gone better had she allowed Rachel Maddow to be the public face of the “keep yer paws off yer package” movement!



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Darrell

posted September 16, 2010 at 7:47 am


She’s how old in that video?

Thank God none of us ever did or said anything stupid when we were young. :)

(Be even more thankful there isn’t tape of it.)



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    Matthew Paul Turner

    posted September 16, 2010 at 7:51 am


    You’re talking about masturbation, right?



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Carole Turner

posted September 16, 2010 at 9:10 am


I don’t have a problem with any of her reasoning, I have a problem with MTV and that people then and now watch it for life lessons. Such stinkin garbage. Sorry, but she was stupid for going on there more then anything else.



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Carole Turner

posted September 16, 2010 at 9:23 am


oh but I want to add, listening to her now, what she says while running for office, I totally disagree with her platform, the Tea party politics gets on my last nerve.

Watching the Daily Show episode now, good stuff. Republicans are all moral in word but in deed their candidates like David Vitter-not going to jail for buying prostitutes but instead winning reelection and Carl Paladino-porn emails, Newt Gingrich-adultry, several marriages, etc. I could go on and on, their deeds, their lives, say something totally different.

That’s why I’m a registered Independent.



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David

posted September 16, 2010 at 9:46 am


I hope she wins. Apparently intelligence, education, and political experience isn’t enough to get the job done.



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ttm

posted September 16, 2010 at 9:51 am


So many thoughts on this one. Some of what I would say has already been said in your comment threads during “Sex Week” almost a year ago the day.

The anchorwoman who said “… you know whatting while they were alone” cracked me up.

I would ask that youth pastor where the Bible specifically says any sexual act outside the realm of marriage is wrong. When I say specifically I mean chapter, verse and those exact words.

I would ask Ms. O’Donnell whether she can verify that masturbation cannot occur without lust.

From a purely logical standpoint, I would think that encouraging masturbation would result in fewer instances of sexual intercourse, thereby reducing the numbers of people with unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Other than abstinence (which is admirable and ideal but statistics show unlikely), what WILL reduce AIDS, STDS and unintended pregnancies? Condoms will, but they seem to have a worse reputation among Christians than masturbation.

Just one last comment: I think it’s hilarious that the whole tone of the O.M.F.G. (outrageous masturbation focus group who, by the way, are speaking of sex in mixed company so they must not be fundamental Baptists)is that masturbation is a–gasp!–selfish act and then the clip ends with Ms. O’Donnell saying “If he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?” I guess it’s not selfish to think that you will be only answer your spouse’s every need?

I wonder if she’s changed her opinions in the last 14 years. Can’t wait for the follow up interviews…



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    Ryan

    posted September 16, 2010 at 5:44 pm


    Your mistake here TTM is approaching the debate from a logical starting point. What you really need to do is write a book that’s FOR masturbation and bury it for a few thousand years. After that the book suddenly gets the answers to all of life’s questions and becomes infallible. Or something like that.



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      John

      posted September 19, 2010 at 1:16 am


      Yeah, the formula (archaic literary work+shoddy historical analysis=religious holy text) works too! I’m working on a future holy text now.

      By the time I’ve buried it and it is dug up again in 3,000 years or so, this generation (and many of the potential ones following it) will have blown itself up in a final crescendo of seemingly never-ending violence. And there will be few records of us left, so the ancestors of the few survivors ages later might wholeheartedly believe in the infallibility of what I have tentatively titled, “The Great A$$-Wipe in the Sky.”



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Noelle

posted September 16, 2010 at 10:07 am


Am I the only one who noticed this was from 1996? She’s got the spiral perm and everything going. She is a child in that video, regurgitating childish I-heard-it-at-youth-group rhetoric.

Is there stuff you said or did when you were a kid that you wouldn’t hold to or want people hearing and seeing now? Has anyone cared to ask her what she thinks now? Will she be respected if she has grown up views now? Does she have to defend this position?



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    David

    posted September 16, 2010 at 10:17 am


    Agreed – politics seems to be more about unimportant things. After all, she’s only running to take gaff-a-day Biden’s old job.



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    HolyRollerNovocaine

    posted September 20, 2010 at 6:14 pm


    It’s from 1996, yet they all seem to have hair from 1986!



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nazani14

posted September 17, 2010 at 9:14 pm


Love the congealed-blood lipstick on the lasses!
The problem is not so much that she made these remarks, it’s that she’s never admitted that it was a prissy, self-righteous thing to say. Her employment and financial history is waaay more relevant.



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Allan

posted June 10, 2011 at 7:07 pm


I have noticed that both the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (of which I am a member) and the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod have quietly remove masturbation from the list of sins against chastity in their teaching material. Neither of these churches is known to be extremely liberal. Perhaps the rest of the religious right should get more in touch with reality.



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Bruce Abbey

posted September 28, 2011 at 9:17 pm


The view on this “topic” up here from one of your Canadian society neighbours to the North, and we are waaay more liberal for the post part than your terribly repressed right wing selves:

( And properly so, we have a health care system that truly cares for all our citizens. I have a feeling that the true Jesus would approve of that — healing the sick, feeding the poor etc.
Obama tried for you guys but America screwed it up — had to include the private profit factor in that healing!)

I think it was really hilarious to post this adolescent virgin girl’s totally pre-pubescent nonsensical fantasy view on human sexuality on your website.

As for Christine O’Donnell at that point in 1996 … What a naive fairy tale stupid presumptuous goody two shoes little spoiled-rotten, over indulged little Republican princess doll icon for no realistic human insight whatsoever is this self anointed hypocritical right wing selfish nonsense and idiotic guilt trip sort of ideology!

Christine knows nothing here of human sexuality but is a brainwashed cipher for a stupid bigoted lying hateful religious fantasy that above all judges and bullies and targets anyone with different perceptions of the universe.

This self promoting little pharisee (which she clearly still is today) is typical of the Dominionist power seeking Christian haters wrapping themselves in the mantle of supposed “love” while condemning people they deem to be less worthy less pure, less chosen than themselves ( in their deep deep Christianistic insecurity.) Shame, shame on all the intolerant hate driven arrogant false so called “Christians” like Christine O’Donnell, ambitious for fame, influence, power, money, and control-freak domination poising themselves to be the moral judges and sanctimonious enforcers, Spanish Inquisition style, no doubt, of some future fascistic theocratic American nightmare society.

Grow up right wingers and truth deniers! Your religiosity is a parody of what it purports to proclaim.

I think a little intellectual masturbation of a more creative and open nature is long overdue in your closed circuit self-brain- washing discourse amongst yourselves “God’s chosen (hypocrits, that is.)” Jesus would find it difficult to stomach the whole sorry lot of you!!!

And sorry too that human sexuality is so difficult for most of you “born agains” to embrace and celebrate without these huge humongous hang-ups.

Well look at all the violence in America, the guns everywhere, the psychos with guns — a lot of that has to do with sexual repression through so called Christian “mores”. But it is much more than just that. It is the economic selfishness of evangelicals in America. You people are poster children for the problem, not for enlightened solutions.

I am so overwhelmingly fortunate to have been born in a country where a more enlightened civil discourse has evolved over time.

But hey, may true enlightenment gradually wash over America, and the dream of Martin Luther King come eventually to pass.

As for the tea party people, so full of themselves, heaven forbid that they should ever have to pay an extra nickle in taxes — for that would probably lead to greater civilisation and some way out of the current jungle. Taxes provide people services that make society more civil and harmonious. Granted they should be well allocated and return value but America spends their taxes on war and the military machine.

“Don’t make love, (not even self-love), make war!” Far more manly that masturbating, just go out and kill a few people that you disapprove of, that your pastors are thundering against from their pulpits with their inevitable feet of clay.

But guess what, sex remains very popular in this world of ours, even gay sex, for that matter. Some people would rather love than kill. But sexually hung up people are all twisted and screwed up, and for the most part they are Christian indoctrinated and damaged.

Also amusing in the video is the notion that sex can only be free of lust inside of marriage. That is hilarious. God forbid that lust should ever take place on the planet!

There are so many “dead” marriages out there that a little lust could be a very healthy thing to come along, and indeed that what sex is about, it is the lust part of affection and tenderness, and when they all go together that is very empowering whether to male or to female.

Oh and by the way any gay couple in Canada can marry if they feel it, and so can regular heterosexual people! Marriage equality, we have it here and that is beautiful. Tolerance, diversity and good will towards others. (Not everyone of course, there are some nutjob haters up here to.

It is interesting that in our French speaking province of Quebec, formerly a bastion of repressive catholicism, “Marriage” per se is extremely unpopular. The couples live in glorious sin without feeling the need for a big showy ceremony, and they raise their children just the same, and love them just the same. But yes, if they feel so moved, they can get married if they want to. Being married in Canada is not a stigma, it’s just not “de rigeur”, not a sign that you are a better person.

Any sort of family grouping is pretty acceptable up here, it is that you love someone that counts. Now I myself was old fashioned and got married back in the day, and my children all have chosen significant others and are happy and productive. But no one so far is in any big hurry to tie the knot. We did not brainwash our kids in this sort of thing and I am so happy we did not.

They all respect people for whom they are as a person.

As for the Christian religion that was thrust upon me so long ago, well … I am not selfish enough to think I somehow deserve “everlasting life”. That is a very selfish and immature and insecure way of thinking about one’s life. I will live on in my children’s thoughts and affections for a time and my body will replenish the earth to make way for the future generations.

And getting back to masturbation, when you don’t have a willing partner to “lust” with tenderly, then I do recommend lusting with yourself — the physical and emotional release of sexual tensions makes you a much nicer person all round for others to interact with, you tend to be happier, wittier and more generous in all your dealings. Long ago I personally knew all about indoctrined Christian guilt over such self pleasuring, and I am thrilled to tell Christine O’Donnell that I got over all that nonsense. Also I’d like her to know that probably her husband had some of these needs well before he had to wait all those years to get hitched to her, and although he’s probably a rich guy and all, I hope they are happy with each other by now, and hopefully will learn to be more generous and tolerant towards others as time goes on and less self absorbed and ideological about life.

But would I ever vote for dear Christine … never in a million light years, even if I were eligible. Actually today I actually did vote for the relatively enlightened government of Ontario, which is making priority of health education and trying to better the environment through green energy initiatives. You do have lots of good folk down there in the U.S. who are also trying to advance these necessary changes in the way we shepard the planet’s resources to protect ecosystems vital to our kid’s futures.

Cheers, and good luck America. And don’t worry if you masturbate when you need some release and no one is there to make love to you. It will get better.



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