Jesus Needs New PR

"This was my Christmas card to Americans one year." -Jesus

"So what are we doing today? A trim? Maybe a few highlights... you need a change, girl." -Jesus

"Yeah, like that, but move your head a little closer to my feet. Okay, now scrub. Harder. And don't forget to clean between my toes. Ah. Ah, that feels good." -Jesus

"This is Mark Driscoll's fault." -Jesus

"Let's rip our clothes off and play Marco Polo. What do you say? You in? It'll be fun. Marcoooo. Okay, we don't have to." -Jesus

"So I shave my chest, what's the big deal? Lots of guys do it. You don't want me looking un-kept when I die for the sins of the world, do you?" -Jesus

"Oh, little bluebird, I appreciate the support, but you're in the wrong story! This isn't Cinderella's story... Yes, I know you have sewing skills and bake delicious pies. But I don't have time for pie right now. Besides, Cinderella is expecting you to help with the vacuuming.." -Jesus

"I don't care what the other 99 say--I enjoy hugging, holding, skipping, and playing hide-and-go-seek with you more than any other lamb." -Jesus

"Oh, Jesus. I can't go out with you tomorrow night. We have our Beth Moore Bible study at church." -Girl

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