Jesus Needs New PR

Jesus Needs New PR

I am stuck on JESUS® cuz JESUS® is stuck on me…

Do you ever have those moments when you just want Jesus to come and make it all better? I do. But now I don’t need to ask him to make it all better, I just reach into my medicine cabinet and pull out one of my Jesus adhesive bandages and he sticks to my cuts, bumps, and bruises all day long. And if wearing Jesus on your scraped elbow isn’t enough, each bandage comes with an added drop of antibiotic, so your hurties don’t become infected. Now that’s something to sing about.

I think the crucifixion would have had a much different conclusion if Jesus had been carrying one of his own adhesive bandages.

Sent to me by @theTRu

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posted March 31, 2010 at 12:45 pm

i actually got this as a white elephant gift a couple of years ago. the “free toy inside” is a creeptastic, lazy-eyed Jesus bust complete with arms raised like hes carrying something a little too high. its sits beside me at work and makes me feel uncomfortable throughout the day.

wish i had a pic to share…

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posted March 31, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Ha! You trademarked Jesus :)

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Fallon Brooks

posted March 31, 2010 at 12:52 pm

I have some of these in my office!!!! The free toy inside is a hilarious little Jesus pencil topper. A friend got it for me as a gag gift. Unfortunately, healing powers are sold separately.

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posted March 31, 2010 at 2:17 pm

And remember to wash those sins away with “Blood of Jesus”® soap! Now available at your favorite Christian store. And Wal-Mart

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posted March 31, 2010 at 5:20 pm

I think I would have gone with “By his strips we are healed.”

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Stacy From Louisville

posted March 31, 2010 at 5:25 pm

This one time I had a hangnail in my flip the bird finger. It got infected. Turned into gangrene. I was on a morphine pump and couldn’t use the finger at all. I had to figure out a new way to tell people they’d pissed me off. I had to go deep inside myself, you know, and channel my inner angry elder’s wife. The doctors said there was no hope. Somebody called in a priest for last rites – and I’m not even Catholic! That’s when a nurse in prosperity Gospel scrubs rushed to my side. She applied a Jesus band-aid as she sang the little knows chorus, “Lord Give Me A Lexus Cause I’m Doin’ SOmethin’ Good”. Instantly – my hangnail, gangrene and all, vanished. It was a miracle. But when I went to a Benny Hinn gathering weeks later they wouldn’t let me on stage…but out of the corner of my eye I saw a 2011 Lexus speed past. Man, doesn’t everything come full circle?

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Religion Gone Crazy

posted April 1, 2010 at 8:53 pm

I have to say you’re good at continuing the modern day PR and consumerism of Jesus that you said would be better off reversed.

I think it should be an abomination to the religious to see Jesus’ image placed on a “product” such as this or anything else that is not considered holy or sacred. I mean come on, stop using Jesus to sell things we don’t need. Just another marketing ploy, and a bad one at that!

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    Matthew Paul Turner

    posted April 1, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    I completely agree. (They weren’t my idea.)


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      Religion Gone Crazy

      posted April 1, 2010 at 11:39 pm

      They weren’t your idea but you also made the choice to post them, right? 😉

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        Matthew Paul Turner

        posted April 2, 2010 at 7:25 am

        Yes. But only because they’re hilarious (and a little pathetic).

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          Religion Gone Crazy

          posted April 2, 2010 at 8:42 am

          Well I must admit it is good to see you can laugh at your own crazy religion, but at the same time, you’re being hypocritical like most religious people when saying one thing (Jesus needs new PR) and doing another (posting Jesus band-aids). 😛

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