Jesus Creed

Years ago perhaps America’s finest sportswriter, Tom Boswell, wrote an essay on why baseball was better than football and, if I remember, the first reason was “Marching Bands” and the second reason was “Marching bands at halftime.” I loved the piece. (OK, it’s a cheap shot at marching bands but you have to give it to Boswell.) So, today, I want to give a few reasons why golf is better than soccer and you chime in if would like to add to other reasons. But, before that I have to mention something else:
My awesome, yards-adding, fairway shrinking and straight-hitting driver. It is called a Sumo 2 Driver. I can’t believe how far I’m hitting the ball; I think I’ve gained 20 yards. I’ve been to points on a golf course I’ve never seen before. Anyone else have one of these? What do you think? I know it’s a bit pricey but I buy a driver about every ten years.
Reasons why golf is better than soccer and I welcome yours too:
1. In golf you score anywhere from 70 or so to 100; in soccer you are lucky if you get 2 and sometimes get 0.
2. In golf your opponent is a friend; soccer players try to injure their opponents.
3. In golf you play on grass with hills and sand and trees and water.
4. In golf you can have a conversation with a friend; soccer players cuss at their opponents.
5. Fans at golf tournaments behave.
6. Golfers don’t cheat. (Think Milan.)
7. In golf you wear nice clothes; in soccer you wear weird colors with weird designs.
8. Golf shoes look cool; soccer shoes don’t.
9. If you tie in golf, you play “golf” until someone wins; if you tie in soccer, you play the kids game of kicking against a goalie until someone feels cheated.
10. You can play golf until you die; if you play soccer when you are thirty you feel old.
11. In golf time stands still; in soccer there is a timer.
12. Tiger Woods vs. the guy who head-butted the opponent.
13. No one in golf intentionally knocks the ball out of the field of play.
14. Words like mashie, niblick, guttapercha, and brassie.
Finally, in golf you say “nice shot” or “nice golf shot” to your opponent; in soccer the goalie acts like someone is cheating when the other team scores.

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