In Sweet Company

In Sweet Company


“We must be more sensitive to how our actions affect others if we are to survive as a species.” — Miriam Polster, IN SWEET COMPANY: CONVERSATIONS WITH EXTRAORDINARY WOMEN ABOUT LIVING A SPIRITUAL LIFE

For the past 21 months, I’ve been engaged in a righteous battle with an adult bully. it was as if all the bullies I’d ever encountered throughout time threw a pinch of their own particular brand of dastardly expertise into a pot, stirred it up, and took form. “Tyranta” was a skilled liar, petty, mean-spirited, critical to the point of harassment, vindictive, and so on and so forth. She consistently tried to cut off my head in order to make herself feel tall.

I didn’t see this about her when we first met, partly because she was trying to charm me into a business negotiation, partly because I never, in a million years, envisioned such a person would find their way into my sphere of influence. As events unfolded, I naively believed that if I calmly responded to her allegations and gave her an accurate account of events she would come round.


It didn’t take long before I got sucked into the drama —  I became annoyed, irritated, indignant, fried. I spent an extraordinary amount of time and energy churning and sighing and trying not to churn or sigh. I rolled my eyes in exasperation. I moaned. I did not want to fight. How could something like this happen to me?

When I asked the “right” question, the “What was the lesson I could learn from this experience?” question, the “What was God trying to teach me?” question, Truth made a path to me. In the great economy of God, there were many truths to learn from this experience.

They include:

I could not change her behavior no matter what I said or did. I could, however, change myself.
I must not underestimate her wiliness or expect she will play by anyone’s rules.
I must not take her comments or behavior personally.
I must maintain my peace and integrity.
I must not make this experience my whole life.
I must take care of myself during this stressful time.
I must protect myself and others she could hurt in the future.
I must not remain silent.
I must reach out and get support.
I must thoroughly document my experience.
I must devote time and energy to mounting and presenting a case in the courts, one based on concrete facts, not emotions.
Once it is over, I must let it all go and move on, live a meaningful life.


Tyranta had come into my life to teach me how to operate more fully in the world. And I am grateful for this.

In the end, we had our day in court. I told the Truth. I was prepared, present, strong, cogent and calm. Tyranta was caught in a half dozen lies, was silenced by the bailiff on four separate occasions. She left the courtroom in a huff.

I write this now, before the decision has been rendered. I did the best I could, beyond what I was previously able or thought possible. I hope the judge will rule in my favor. Mostly I also hope my feelings about the outcome will not be dependent on a decision by an external authority.

For additional information on dealing with adult bullies, please visit:

Your thoughts?

Comments read comments(1)
post a comment

posted May 29, 2011 at 11:41 am

Good post! I have met a few “Tyrantias” myself. I wish I had asked the “What is God teaching me?” question rather than taking myself at “her” evaluation. I eventually learned that when I don’t learn from one person, God sends me another just like her — only a bit worse. And sometimes I get “review people.” ;^) It changes our perspective when we see people, not as attackers, but as lessons from God and as forgiveness practice. I’m thankful He gives grace to do what we cannot!

report abuse

Post a Comment

By submitting these comments, I agree to the terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to and may be used by in accordance with the agreements.

Previous Posts

In Sweet Company
Writing to an invisible audience, sweeping your heart out into a boundless Universe not knowing who is listening to it beat or whether the thump will be embraced or cast aside, is a courageous act. Fortunately for me, at some point during the ...

posted 11:49:59am Aug. 29, 2012 | read full post »

More Blogs To Enjoy!!!
Thank you for visiting In Sweet Company. This blog is no longer being updated. Please enjoy the archives. Here are some other blogs you may also enjoy: Red Letters with Tom Davis Recent prayer post on Prayables Most Recent Inspiration ...

posted 2:07:03pm Aug. 02, 2012 | read full post »

Hardwired for Compassion
... we grow in our understanding of God as we come to understand our own stories more fully. -- Rabbi Laura Geller, IN SWEET COMPANY: CONVERSATIONS WITH EXTRAORDINARY WOMEN ABOUT LIVING A SPIRITUAL LIFE Recently a small group of kindred ...

posted 11:50:47am Jun. 27, 2012 | read full post »

Daddy's Girl
“... for me, spiritual practice is making the bed, defrosting dinner, and so on. It’s not magical or removed; it’s about how I discover and reveal myself as I do things that are ordinary.” -- Miriam Polster, IN SWEET COMPANY: ...

posted 5:35:03pm Jun. 06, 2012 | read full post »

Courting the Divine Mother
“Getting in touch with [this feminine, receptive side of our nature] can be a life-transforming experience because what we’re really talking about when we talk about receptivity is how we can be open to growing and evolving into more ...

posted 12:03:32pm May. 09, 2012 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.