“Ultimately, anything God wants you to do does not mean neglect of self; it fosters the development or expansion of your true Self, your soul.” — Sri Daya Mata, IN SWEET COMPANY: CONVERSATIONS WITH EXTRAORDINARY WOMEN ABOUT LIVING A SPIRITUAL LIFE

Moving right along. They say you have to be careful about what you wish for, or in my case, what you write about. Puttin’ it out there is an invitation. Writing and thinking about perseverance these last few days, here’s what RSVP’d to me.

To set the stage: When we moved to Northern California last summer, we leased a lovely home with a view of the Bay. Pine trees are our neighbors. Ice blue clouds swallow The City whole and wrap 70 miles of coastline in a featherweight embrace on a regular basis. When the night sky lights up, you swear your heart will burst from the beauty of it. It was, we thought, the perfect place to get our bearings, to mellow after a difficult move. Who knew our panorama would include the opportunity to put everything we had ever learned about perseverance, about holding to “right purpose,” to the test?

“Not I,” said the Little Red Hen. “Not I.”  

Suffice it to say our landlord-tenant relations quickly became fodder for a reality show. Personalities collided. Communication garbled. Expectations withered. And so it has gone for twelve incredulous months.

I am someone who looks for the best in people. I take others at their word. I believe in kindness. When our lease agreement began to shapeshift, I didn’t understand what was happening. “Surely if I clearly explain our position,” I thought, “this whole thing will be put to rest.” So I responded to protracted accusations with protracted color-coded responses that shed light on bullet points of false claims. Bubbles were burst: “Best Landlord on the Planet” (hers), “Intelligible Words Heal Wounds,” (mine). We grew to feel unheard, then bullied, then outraged.

Though I practiced my stress-management techniques, we got sucked into the drama. I dug in my heels. The ante got upped. And upped again. I was exhausted. I was angry I did not see this coming, angry my expectations of a sylvan retreat were dashed. I ruminated. This was not the “me” I like to be.

Finally, we called in our lawyer. Everyone needs an attorney like Andrew P. Greenfield, Esq. in their corner. (lawapg@yahoo.com) He’s spent an embarrassing number of hours teaching us the law so we could determine how to best proceed. Everyone also needs a friend like Andy, someone to help them laugh at the human condition and get a bird’s eye view of reality. Andy is a “legal eagle” in every sense of the phrase.

The next time things ramped up I was able to reflect on what the Universe was trying to teach me in this situation. I’ve divined (pun intended) a corollary to my “Universe as Teacher” approach I call, with all due respect, “The Great Economy of God,” that any single experience can provide multiple “growth opportunities” for them in the thick of it as well as for them on the periphery. Said “growth opportunities” are varied — different for everyone and manifold in number. God is way too busy and way too clever to orchestrate something like our landlord-tenant scenario just so I can learn to keep Andy in my back pocket. Here’s my list of Lessons to be learned:
 
Dump the rose-colored glasses, honey!
Relinquish the expectation others will change when you tell the truth.
Stand in my Truth. Deep-six the need to prove my innocence.
Forgive yourself for getting into this situation in the first place.
Chuck reactiveness, defensiveness, criticism, and outrage.
Do not accept being the scapegoat, being bullied, accused or blamed.
Be firm but kind.
Move forward despite exasperation and exhaustion.
Do not get sucked into the drama.
Maintain your intention to see the best in others.
Take care of yourself during extreme stress.

And so it goes.

Once I began to name this stuff, to see the opportunities for my own growth, my perspective began to change. Because I want to retain my dignity and my peace — to not let anyone rob me of my joy — I choose to consciously cool my jets. Outrage can promote clear-seeing; help you discover what you will not stand for. Prolonged outrage is a waste of time and energy.
I still have a long way to go with all this. I continually resist the temptation to give up or give in. We call upon Andy’s gravitas to help us draw our line in the sand. We also allow feelings of compassion for the other to enter our hearts. But we stand our ground.
I read something once about the enemy being a friend in disguise, someone who helps you know yourself more fully. Our landlord has been a “friend” who enrolled me in a Ph.D. program in perseverance. I am tired, but I am grateful.

Your thoughts?