“Spirituality means that the way you live, move, and have your being comes forth out of the depth of Spirit, out of the resonant depths of life, instead of anything compartmentalized — or mechanistic or cerebral. It’s not determined from the outside. It’s an inner fire and passion.”  — Sister Helen Prejean, IN SWEET COMPANY: CONVERSATIONS WITH EXTRAORDINARY WOMEN ABOUT LIVING A SPIRITUAL LIFE

When I was a very little girl, ill with some long forgotten childhood malady, I lay on my parents’ bed trembling with fever, dreaming I was a Model T Ford clamoring out of control on a deserted country road. I was certain I would never be able to still myself and rest.

My father sat on the edge of the bed. I cried and told him my dream. All the routine sick-child rituals failed to calm me. Unsure of what to do next, he gathered me in his arms and began to croon “Toora Loora Loora,” an old Irish lullaby. I quickly, gratefully, fell asleep.

In the years that followed …

… I frequently looked for that same sense of comfort and security I felt in my father’s arms. Like many people — like many women — I believed my fulfillment rested with someone or something outside myself. I trusted my conspicuous talents and skills. I knew I could comfort others. I knew I could endure. But I was not convinced I could effectively guide or console myself. So, I grit my teeth, mustered my forces, and set about exposing the false gods that kept me bound. I began to feel more capable, more Self-assured.

What surprised me most about this quest was that, in the end, it led me to God. I did not grow up in a spiritual environment. It never occurred to me that the spiritual life could be practical and deeply satisfying, that what I was seeking was a dynamic “interior life.” But there I was, 28 years old and flush with the joy of spiritual awakening. My journey continues — on a minute-to-minute basis. But now, I still my trembling heart with an inner lullaby.

When I began writing IN SWEET COMPANY I was, thus, very curious about whether the women I was speaking with had a spiritual emergence similar to my own — or to the other women in the book. Were there commonalties of thought and behavior that transcended age, race, ethnicity, profession, and individual spiritual practice? It was not my intention to reduce the spiritual life to a formula or to diminish the uniqueness of each woman’s journey. I just wanted to know what made women’s spirituality, well, women’s spirituality.

Rather than make a list of what I thought these commonalities could be, I simply allowed them to emerge. Halfway through the book, I realized there were things about the women I was talking with that made them easy to spot, as if they all had bright red hair. Each time I noticed something, I wrote it down and stuffed it in a file folder. Though not very scientific, my “research” fascinated me.  

The list that follows in no way represents the end-all / be-all of a woman’s spiritual life. A woman’s spirituality flows out of her relationship with her personal conception of God. It’s heartfelt; expansive and inclusive; always growing and deepening. It is not limited to or by a list. My “findings” were too fluid to fall under traditional headings such as “courage” or “compassion.” What is remarkable — beautiful, actually — is that each woman manifests these traits in a way that is unique to her.

Here’s what I observed in the women of IN SWEET COMPANY:

1) They feel their feelings and acknowledge their humanity because they see their flaws and mistakes as stepping stones to spiritual transformation. They do not, however, wallow in their feelings. They accept there are things they may never understand, may never be able to change, and work at becoming comfortable with with mystery, with letting things unfold and with letting go. This vulnerability and faith fosters humility, authenticity, and compassion. They are not holier than thou or judgmental: They’re the real deal. Having walked in their own shoes, they are able to walk in ours. Their faith is their greatest source of strength.  

2) They are rip-roaring bold. They speak and stand in their truth. They are not afraid of change. They wonder about things; do not take things at face value; do not take “no” for an answer. They take calculated risks and push the edge of the envelope. They consciously face their own darkness so they can move to a higher level of functioning. They accept responsibility rather than blame others for their problems. Their willingness to explore is their greatest source of knowledge.  

3) They see connections. They view life as a unified whole; see relationships rather than separateness, similarities rather than differences. They honor the diversity of human experience. They are emotionally and intellectually generous; share themselves easily with others and help others succeed. They link their success and accomplishments to the Greater Good. They deepen their love. This kinship is their greatest source of passion and joy.

4) They have a personal, intimate, interactive relationship with Spirit that feeds and permeates and unites every aspect of their life that they consistently cultivate. They court silence and stillness in meditation, in prayer, in Nature, in solitary time. They take care of themselves because they know this expands their ability to serve others and feel God’s presence. Their interior life is their greatest source of love.
 
I look at this list, assess where I am in relation to where I want to be, and see it as a recipe for my own growth. Food for thought, oui?