Even if I could lure him away from that gorgeous French woman, it turns out that Johnny Depp and I would not have a hot romance, or even a deep soul connection. Sigh.
And me and Charlie Sheen? A total disaster–with almost no passion. Whew!
How do I know this? From a nifty new toy: theastrologer.com/matchme
You enter in your birthday, gender, and the gender you’re seeking, and it not only tells you which celebrities you’d be a good astrological match with, but it breaks down the degrees of harmony and tension in six areas: soul connection, communication, romance, passion, shared values, and commitment. You’ll get a slew of matches to peruse (alphabetical, by first name)–and lose hours better spent … doing I’m not sure what. Because what could be more worthwhile than finding out if you and Drew would be a hit? Or if you and Marilyn Manson would really connect? This brings a whole new dimension to those “celebrities-you’re allowed-to-do” lists some couples keep.

It turns out that Christian Bale, Colin Farrell, and Ewan MacGregor–all Brits, interestingly enough–might be the dudes for me. It’s no shock that Keanu and I would have tons of tension–I’d be like, “You are so wooden,” and he’d Vulcan Death Grip me, and it’d be over.
But me and Mr. Clooney have a shot–lots of passion and shared values harmony–so he’s moved up my list (sorry, Johnny). Now, I’m off to see my boyfriend’s matches. Maybe he and that Evangeline Lily he’s always swooning about would loathe each other. Fingers (and stars) crossed!