Idol Chatter

Idol Chatter


There’s Something About “Fluid”

posted by esther kustanowitz

There’s something about the word fluid, and it’s not something good. It conjures up Ben Stiller and untraditional “hair gel”; or Bill Clinton and a Navy Gap dress; or in its least offensive incarnation, “lighter fluid.” But when you add the word “Madonna” to the word “fluid,” you know it’s gonna be trouble.

But since mentions of Madonna these days are usually tempered by the word “Kabbalah,” the newest result to this equation is:

Madonna+Kabbalah+fluid=nuclear waste disposal.

Of course. MSNBC reports:

The singer and her hubby, director Guy Ritchie, have been “lobbying the government and nuclear industry over a scheme to clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah fluid,” according to London’s Sunday Times. The power couple has approached various British government agencies, urging the detoxing powers of a “mystical” liquid developed by the mystical offshoot of Judaism, which is currently trendy among some celebs.

One London official called the Material Girl’s scientific methodology “bollocks.” Frankly, I’m no scientist, but I think that pronouncement errs on the side of being overly kind and respectful. I was just in Safed, Israel–the home of real Kabbalah–less than two weeks before Katyusha rockets fell on the region, and there was no evidence of a science research facility producing a magical liquid that cleans up radioactive waste. Maybe it was hidden between the candle factory and the handmade-jewelry vendors. However, I remember hearing that Kabbalah mystics were in the midst of working on a product called Shimmer, which is both a floor wax and a dessert topping.

Perhaps because this “fluid” story is so out there, more Madge news–with this item far less controversial or wacky–also recently hit the media. Now that she has her kids Lola and Rocco, she says, she understands how important it is to help the orphans of the world, and she’s starting in Malawi:

Madonna plans to raise at least $3 million for programs to support orphans in Malawi, and is giving $1 million to fund a documentary about the plight of children there. She has also teamed up with developing-world economic leader Jeffrey Sachs on programs to improve the health, agriculture and economy of a village in Malawi, and she’s met with former President Clinton about bringing low-cost medicines to the area.

Good. Help the children. Bring Bill Clinton (but keep him away from Gap dresses). And definitely bring in the low-cost medicines. As long as they’re not in fluid form.



  • Nancy Benson

    For many years I have wondered about any charity or humane organizations that Madonna was contributing to but could never find any articles on it. Now I read she is trying to sell some kind of religious “fluid” and saving a village in a foreign country. It might serve her better to be down in New Orleans contributing to homeless people due from Katrina and helping feed families who do not have enough food to feed their children. Whenever I see Madonna or her name, I think about how repulsive she is. All of her money will never clean up her reputation. The public needs to remember that some criminals doing life sentences or on death row are known to write children’s books.>

  • revinpitts

    Madonna, don’t preach…>

  • Jeremy

    I really wish Madonna would give up the whole phony-baloney, New-Age, Scientolgy wannabe, quasi-religion she touts as her faith. True kabbalah is a wonderful part of Judaism, not a religion in and of itself.>

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