Idol Chatter

This past weekend, I was sitting in New York City’s Union Square, waiting to meet a friend, when a group of people caught my eye. They were all wearing long, white, flowing robes. Their leader was strumming a guitar. And they were all holding up signs reading, “Jon Stewart is God.” They sat in a ring, singing together, and waiting for curious bystanders to approach them. A camera guy tried to look blasé and hid behind a tree, taping the whole thing. I couldn’t tell whether he was with the group or was just following them around for his own purposes.

I went home that night and Googled the group. Their website explains the basic principles of “Jonism,” including the faith’s theological foundations. Why is Jon Stewart a God? According to the “Jonsons,” it’s because, “He is not a man because no man can be consistently that funny. He is not an animal because he is way too articulate. He is not a plant because… well… he moves too fast. He is neither an idol nor is He a statue of any kind although his exquisitely times pauses make us wonder sometimes.”

The Jonsons are releasing their single “Jon Stewart is God,” on iTunes in September. Here are some sample lyrics:

Jon Stewart is God
No minor deity
Jon Stewart is God
More than you and me
Before Buddha and Allah
Cast their cosmic dice
They seek Jon’s advice


Thanks to the internet, the Jonsons have a way to proselytize and convert the masses. They even manage to get in a dig at TV pundit Tucker Carlson, whom Jon famously insulted on CNN’s now-cancelled show Crossfire. According to the Jonsons, “The extent of sin is so great that its effects continue to this very day in the form of cruelty, sickness, suffering, death, taxes, bad movies, fast food, and politcal pundits who wear bow ties.”

Whether it’s a gang of true believers or just an elaborate joke is yet to be determined. What’s for sure, though, is that their song is pretty catchy. (Click here to listen to it.)

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