Beliefnet
How Great Thou Part

When I write about narcissism I hear from men and women all over the country.

The reason?

Narcissism is what I refer to as the “Invisible Illness.” 

Society can’t see it.

Goodness knows even some of the family and friends of the narcissist can’t see nor understand it. To be fair, those in relationships with narcissists refused to see if for a very long time. Therefore, it’s difficult to judge the fact that others near to them either do not see it or refuse to see it.

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The narcissist is wrapped up beautifully; however, if you open the package they are broken on the inside. 

Society rewards them for being attractive, successful and charming. The bully who shines in all their glory.

The narcissist is free to roam ‘invisibly.’

One of the most significant reasons the world at large never truly identifies or understands the narcissist is the narcissist does not care about them. Thus, the friends of the narcissist and even some family members may never agitate a narcissist to the level where they will show their true colors.

In other words, the inability to bond with another on a deep level makes most individuals unimportant to the narcissist.

This is why they never get a chance to view what the narcissist is capable of. The narcissist views the majority of people as social acquaintances and fellow partyers.

A narcissist does not need people. They need the activity. They need the party. They need to have fun or feel self-important.

They do not feel a need to belong to anything because their own world is the most important.

This includes belonging to a family. A narcissist may not even care enough to go visit a sick family member in the hospital. Yet at a gathering, their outward charm and persona may make them seem every bit the pinnacle of a family person.

However, and this is a VERY BIG, HOWEVER, there is one very important person in the narcissist’s world – their enabler.

The person who has held them up and fortified their fantasy.

This person is extremely important to the narcissist because THEY make the NARCISSIST’S WORLD GO ROUND. 

It is a compromised and one-sided union and one which demands an explanation.

This unhealthy relationship can be described in just three words for both the narcissist and their enabler.

The narcissist’s limited vocabulary is comprised of three action words.

Control, Punish, and Win

It’s important to reiterate these verbs. Control, punish and win. They sound so simple. Yet these words can prove to be enough to destroy the narcissist’s enabler should the enabler choose to try and free them self from the fragile bully.

The terrible thing about being an enabler is one makes themselves powerless to the bully.

Even worse? The irony because the enabler is far stronger than the narcissist. Yet, they have allowed their caring tendencies to put them in a compromising situation.

The enabler’s three vocabulary words are anything but action words. They are the enabler’s reaction to the narcissist’s vocabulary.

The enabler does not live in a world of verbs. They live in a world of feelings. Of responses to the abuse.

Lonely, Crazy, and Powerless

The enabler has ironically, allowed a fragile ego-ed bully to dominate their lives. The narcissist inflicts the action words of control, punish and win and the enabler reacts feeling lonely, crazy and powerless.

In the past few years, there has been considerable, talk of bullying.

The conversation needs to widen. Child bullies turn into adult bullies. 

There are no measures in place to combat adult bullying. Consider how difficult it is to squash out bullying among children even with parental, school and societal measures to attempt to combat it.

As adults, narcissists are shamelessly hurting not just their peers, but the children who are caught in the crosshairs of the narcissistic spousal relationship.

Only sadly, very few people are elevating the conversation.

Instead, narcissism remains the ‘Invisible Illness.’

(Photos courtesy of Pexels)

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E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
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