Beliefnet
How Great Thou Part

Everyone has a certain degree of ego. The question is how immense is that ego? A huge ego can cause a tremendous amount of strife and frustration in a relationship. It can also create a great divide in a couple.

Thus, endangering the overall happiness or longevity of a relationship.

Ego is the essentially the act of putting one’s self above all else. There is a reason that pride is considered one of the deadly sins.

Another way to view it? Ego wants to win. It is contradictory to love.

When one loves another person it should be centered around that love. Love is not a battle to win or lose. Sadly, once a couple matures, their communication can become increasingly immature.
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What is perhaps most ironic, is many marriage ceremonies quote the following scripture:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4

And as time marches on, they forget these wise words.

6 Signs of Ego in a Relationship:

1. A person who needs to be right:

The person one loves should be far more important than being right. Unfortunately, when an individual allows ego to get in the way of love, they will choose themselves and the need to be right, above anyone else.

This makes love a battleground. There needs to be a winner and a loser. It’s completely opposed to the entire basis of choosing to be a couple.

2. A person who needs to be in control:

This does not mean occasional control. It’s normal for a person to have certain preferences and as a couple to compromise what’s important to one another.

This is overwhelming control. Again, putting one person’s needs above the other person. Hence, allowing ego to make one choose what and how they believe things should be done over love.

3. A person who will shut their spouse down in the middle of a conversation:

Ego doesn’t respect the opinions of others. In fact, ego will present the need to shut down the opinions of others especially if those opinions differ.

This is intolerance and worse, it is intolerance for the one a person supposedly loves most in life.
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4. A person who will refuse to talk about certain topics:

An individual with a strong ego will refuse to engage in topics they do not want to discuss. It could be a controversial topic such as religion or politics or family. It might also be something they generally refuse to agree with, such as a move, a financial decision, etc.

The need to decide what is acceptable and not acceptable is the action of one and contrary to the concept of two as a couple.

5. A person who will refuse to resolve conflict:

There are other reasons that people will avoid conflict resolution. A pleaser or an avoider may behave this way.
The ego filled individual is refusing to make things right, not avoiding it.

They can stay angry or in an argument for a long time and it doesn’t bother them nor do they feel a sense of urgency to repair things.

The inflated ego opts to defiantly take a stand against the one they love. Again, another counter-intuitive action towards love.

Relationships can be effortless and conversely, they can require great attention. An over-inflated ego can compromise much of the effortless aspect and intensify the difficult aspects of being a couple.

What is more important, is to recognize that ego has no place in a genuinely loving relationship. It is a contradiction to choosing to be a member of ‘two,’ of ‘a team,’ and of ‘a union.’

Love is a valuable and cherished commodity.

It provides strength, comfort, and confidence and can be difficult to find.

It is foolhardy to squander it. Unfortunately, too many allow ego to mistakenly make them believe that being proud and wise is a form of love when it foolishly endangers love.

“Claiming to be wise, they became fools.” Romans 1:22

(Photos courtesy of Pexels)
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