How Great Thou Part

I am a hypocrite of my own words. I often say that writers tell what others are at times afraid to speak of.

This week I found out that even I have fear. That even I can’t bring myself to speak of certain things which are scarier to me than the emotional cost of divorce. What is scarier than the emotional cost of divorce and all of the adjectives that accompany it?

For me, it is exposing the mechanics of divorce…the legal process, the time, the cost and the ultimate fairness even with the best of counsel and how it effects our children.

I ponder the divorce adjectives that already envelop me.

Vulnerability: Will I feel even more vulnerable exposing my thoughts on the bunkmate of emotion in divorce?

Dignity: Will I feel an even greater loss of dignity if I expose the indignities of the mechanics of divorce?

Scared: Will I be even more frightened than I am now as I put myself out there above the emotional exposure of divorce?

Lonely: Will I feel even greater loneliness than divorce already gifts if I am the rebel rouser that exposes my deep,dark philosophy…that in the uglier cases divorce could be labeled, “Legalized bullying?”

So this writer finds herself in a conundrum. I find myself immersed in the adjectives of divorce. Will exposing the truth of some or all of us, further empower me or will it further reduce me?

I am not certain.

However, in my self-reflection I discovered another adjective of divorce.

One that sleeps while the others wrestle. And then, once the others are sufficiently exhausted, it rises. For it has been waiting until you needed to wake it.

It is the heavyweight that replaces the lightweights…………….It is bravery.

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