Healing and Transformation

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Animals (including the human being) have two guiding polarities and co-creating energies called masculine and feminine. These energies are unfolded within each being. In the external world, they fuse and synthesise in the sexual union between male and female, as well as in sexual unions between any grouping of people (notably including gay and lesbian).

The physical world is a manifestation of the inner world.

Masculine energy is active, outward, demonstrative, strong and characterised by being a ‘protector’ of the weak. A healthy masculine has a warrior spirit brought out when appropriate, whereas an unhealthy masculine is a self-serving aggressor. According to Ronna Herman, spiritually the masculine “is divine will, power, and purpose-mental and outward focused attributes of the Creator.”  

Feminine energy is receptive, inward, nurturing and characterised by being intuitive. Her compassionate nature serves others before herself. An unhealthy feminine is weak and insipid. Edith Stein (St Theresa Benedicta of the Cross) wrote, “Woman naturally seeks to embrace that which is living, personal, and whole. To cherish, guard, protect, nourish and advance growth is her natural, maternal yearning.” Stein believed that a “woman’s soul is more intensely present and lives in all parts of the body.”

The Divine Sexual Union brings these two forces of masculine and feminine together. It is crucially both a physical, emotional and spiritual force of creation. The sexual energy unlocks a powerful and explosive force that remembers the force of our creation.

Our energy bodies wish to dance in emptiness. Our physical bodies yearn for communion with the Great Earth Spirit, the cosmic force called “Oneness.” Oneness is a unified force of awareness, where masculine and feminine creative forces collide, connect, flow into each other, and start the dance of love called sex.

This suppressed force still has great power as even though society keeps trying to control it and pervert it, it is still our link to our primal origin. We all come from the union of masculine (father) and feminine (mother). We cannot escape this, even if we are created via IVF (In vitro fertilisation). Our origin is within the divine feminine womb. Our earthly mother, through the force of life, nurtures us into existence. And then we become creatures of Earth, in the endless cycle of moving spirit and life cycles. We are born in innocence, and our yearning always to go back to the Great Earth Mother Spirit, the womb-space that kept us safe.

There is this grand unifying force in sexuality that binds us to another human oasis.

How do you use your sexual energy? What does it mean to your life?

What could be more sacred than allowing your soul to melt into the arms of another soul?


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Facebook: davidstarlyte my feeling-body, I have an awareness–call it being mindful of the sensation or lightness of being. My feeling-body is that essence of personality and feeling that I carry with me wherever I go. In this space of feeling, resides my inner child, because it is this energy that we have carried with us since birth and into previous lifetimes. Having the sensitivity to be in tune with this feeling-body, we may go to either extreme of dancing in celebration, or imploding in despair, and usually residing somewhere in between.

And in this way we search for wholeness.

It’s a riddle being in a human and searching for happiness, for enlightenment and for wholeness as we are body and soul, physical and spiritual beings, embodied and incorporeal.

For what is all the searching we do to find wholeness–to find ourselves–to end our suffering? The author Adyashanti speaks of reaching the climax of his search and arriving defeated at the realisation that he had achieved nothing…“in the moment I realized there was literally nothing I could do, everything changed. And then this great revelation occurred where I realized that I was both nothing and everything, simultaneously.”

If we are still searching, we are still striving to find something, then “something in us is still struggling against what is.” (Adyashanti)

With the agility of a kōan, questions arise from the depths of searching, yet once one stops searching, one discovers one knows nothing. Then everything becomes clear.

It is a kōan that the more one searches, the less one finds.

Zen Buddhism offers stories that open and reveal some inner wisdom that unlocks an awareness. These conundrums or kōan are signposts towards enlightenment, or what the Japanese call satori.

“Out of nowhere, the mind comes forth.” – The Diamond Sutra

A kōan is a riddle that takes a person outside of logical thinking into the “great doubt.” In this state, he may cultivate awareness. Traditionally, a kōan resembles a dialogue designed to break through rational habits and reach into the unreachable emptiness or stillness of enlightenment. In satori, we can meet the Great Emptiness or Oneness, the Eternal flow, the Endless Ocean and the Infinite Desert.

The interaction between Zen master and student was designed to test the progress of the student toward insight. A kōan, by-design impossible to solve with reasoning, relies on stopping the thought-process to introduce a new state of consciousness.

‘What was your original face—the one you had before your parents gave birth to you?


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David Starlyte (ND) – Australia’s Leading Soul-Coach. PERSONAL SESSIONS NOW AVAILABLE VIA SKYPE (Email me for details:

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When I was much younger, I remember being mesmerised by adult interactions. Not for the content, what interested me more was the emotional responses. I couldn’t understand why certain ideas would create vehement emotions, often with seemingly instantaneous and irrational exuberance. It made no sense why adults took themselves so seriously, and stuck to emotional and thought-patterns that seemed intractable. It seemed more dangerous than thought was. Even the most unfeigned emotions gathered pace and at times, the result was anarchy.

As I developed, I notice it wasn’t just emotions that were unstable, sometimes mercurial, and often irrational. I started to understand and experience the range of thought-systems around me, and the amazing certainty adults had about particular ideas.

Why do people believe their thoughts or feelings?

Or perhaps a better question – why do they take so seriously their thoughts or feelings?

When we are believing thoughts or strung by feelings, we are not experiencing life as it is, Endless Openess. We fall into grace when we let go of the pull of the mind and become what the author Adyashanti calls “emptiness dancing.”

It is not that thoughts or feelings are not valid – they are always valid. Yet when we take them as reality, then that is when we suffer. This preoccupation with forms as we experience them has the potential to spiral into an abyss of our creation.

The moment a thought comes into our mind, it limits our experience and takes us out of the opportunity of being in the present moment, true reality.

We tend to see our patterns as stuck in concrete, unchangeable realities, when in fact any pattern can be changed or at least, adjusted. The personality is not set in stone.

What is it to be endless openess, free of personality and closed concepts of the self? Then we can move within life from a space that is full of love.

Adyashanti points out that,“When we believe what we think, when we take our thinking to be reality, we will suffer.”

According to this concept, we are suffering simply by believing our thoughts to be real. I would qualify that with it depends on the quality of our thoughts and whether it is appropriate to keep repeating the same ones. Some thoughts can actually create peace. The core takeaway idea is that thoughts are not real. Thoughts are not unchangeable. Thoughts are only signposts to show us patterns in our personality and non-acceptance of past experiences. A similar argument can be made and understanding reached about our feelings, because thoughts and feelings are intertwined.

What about the quality of our thoughts?

Underlying our unwholesome thoughts, is the feeling of not being whole – not being part of the whole creation. Deep within the recesses of our subconsciousness, the seed of unworthiness has been planted by traditional religions.

Much angst is caused by disconnection – disconnection to others, disconnection to ourselves and our intrinsic nature, and linked to all of these – is disconnection to life itself, or God nature. It is we who have created a primitive version of God nature that is dark, jealous and vengeful. God is not dark – it is we who have judged ourselves – it is we who have collected shame and guilt through judging our nature and our behaviour as unworthy or unforgivable. Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke famously wrote: “Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”

We are here to be, not to do – we are here in love.

Because our social conditioning has brainwashed us into believing that “doing” is more important than “being” and more than that, that “being” is a character flaw, we are struggling with the pressure to “do” more. The basic void is in our self-identity as not being good, not being worthy enough. We start from this feeling of lack, a deficit in perception. We are feeling we are not and have not achieved enough. The source of these trends comes from the over-dominance of the left-hemisphere of our brain versus the right. A left-brain functioning society views feeling and being in our bodies as “lesser” than manifesting or achieving some goal.

By such thinking, the perfection of imperfection and the wholeness of being alive is diminished.

Would a loving God frown on us for being less than who we are for not having achieved some social status or monetary goal?

It is how we are perceiving ourselves that is at fault – and the whole capitalist marketing system that is based on creating demand. It is a simple strategy to send the message – ‘you are not enough’ – and hence need a branded product to feel OK.

Outside of consumerism, where would we be as a society?

If we refine our idea of joy and fulfilment, it leads us down the path of consuming less and residing in more spaciousness, increasing the room we allow for silence. If achievement defines our self-identity and meaning defines our goals, through a spiritual “sadhana” practice, we can shift our identity into something more pure, refined and long-lasting.

Then we can move within life with the wisdom of humility and the courage of love, from a space that is full of love. It is the empty space that is abandoned that feeds unhealthy behaviours. The cultivation of one’s internal space is much like a garden. It can be cared for and developed and made into something beautiful, or neglected and the weeds allowed to take over.

It takes mental agility to reframe our self-view and a willingness to morph our view that the personality is unadaptable. It takes a new way of seeing things, to remove the barriers and step forward into a new sense of self.

Nisargadatta Maharaj offers a spiritual guideline of what life may look like on the other side of ego:

“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing,
Love is knowing I am everything,
and between the two my life moves.”

The key guideline is to simplify one’s sense of self, be open to change the understanding of what we considered our intractable “personality” – and not take too seriously any particular thought or feeling – to welcome in the fresh pastures of love for ourselves and compassion for others. As one invites in new possibility and the potential for changing personality traits and habits, one enters the field of endless openess.



Photo Credits: Via PixaBay

What do you think – or feel? Feel free to comment down below!
You are awesome as you are, and I love you!
And if you love me back, please click ‘share’ up at the top!

David Starlyte (ND) – Australia’s Leading Soul-Coach. PERSONAL SESSIONS NOW AVAILABLE VIA SKYPE (Email me for details:

Find out more about me:
Facebook: davidstarlyte live in a state of constant flux, yet we suffer with dreams of permanence. We are like flowers who never knew that we were OKAY, so constantly search for external colour and reach for unreachable dreams. We are like blossoms that can never see our blossoming. Because we are too busy looking outside of ourselves, we never contemplate in silence our true nature.

What is the nature of beauty – is it veneer – or a quality of depth far beyond any surface level?

If you look closely at a flower, you will experience a deep love, a deep peace, and a deep acceptance of its essence. This is our nature as human beings. Flowers of the living breath, flowers of God, flowers of everlasting love. Inherently we are goodness experiencing itself – it is only our experiences and environments that could withdraw us from our true nature.

What is the nature of suffering – does it belong to the nature of the thing made to suffer?

The nature of a person’s life is influenced by a myriad factors from the environment in which he/she lives, his/her experiences, to the intrinsic nature of a person, and so on. The concept of moksha – or liberation – is the salvation from the maya (illusion) into self-actualisation and self-realization. Liberty is always within reach, corresponding to the limitlessness of human experience. The warmth of being alive, of being an emotional being undergoing a variety of experiences, is essential to our unfolding. Moksha is not a cold experience, it is a living experience.

First, we must face and surrender our fears, and then we will grow beyond the “limited self.” Self-love is a perpetual quality that develops our self-worth and understanding. If we are not compassionate towards ourselves, then we do not understand compassion. If we are not loving towards ourselves, then we do not understand love.

Awakening from the trance of unworthiness, is the gateway to living freely and achieving our life-purpose.

Growing up in South Africa, I felt like a stranger in a strange land. All around me people were going about their lives and I was perpetually wondering where I fit in in the world. It was to be one of the themes of my life, understanding constructive freedom, questioning and reflecting on the nature of life. I was also caught up in the maelstrom of history. Events around us seem so real and important. From racial disharmony, apartheid to the struggle against apartheid and ultimately its removal as official Government policy, I went through many changes. As the myriad external shifts unfolded, it was more notable to feel the shifts (or lack thereof) in people’s hearts. As a child, how is one to identify or misidentify with collective racism and racist policies? Growing up in an elitist culture, is one able to feel the suffering of the underprivileged? As an empath, how does one self-protect when around us there is discord?

As the country went through its trauma, and started to rebuild, it became clear that the problems were far more deep-seated than mere policy. In most cases, the elitism of the past is ongoing, and has continued to arrest the country’s advancement.

Sadly, unworthiness is so deep-rooted in the culture of the majority, it continues to cause a crippling pain. What surprised me more, was to realise that unworthiness is at the root of the privileged class, who economically tower above their brethren. Why else would they hold on to their wealth with such terror in their souls, and inflict suffering on the whole society by hoarding wealth?

The country is not suffering just because the poor suffer. It is suffering also because the rich suffer. Carl Jung brings this sharply into focus if one applies this idea to the collective, “The unfaced and unfelt parts of our psyche are the source of all neurosis and suffering.”

The rejected parts of a society cause a collective suffering in the ethos or matrix of the community.

Rumi encourages us to face this closeted wound, humanity’s shadow as individuals, “Don’t turn away. Keep your eyes on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.”

At the deepest level, we are Source Energy experiencing and becoming conscious of itself. However, as human beings, our greatest obstacle to inner peace is self-doubt and a lack of self-love. I speak to many people who believe themselves small, and sometimes wish to disappear. That is not what we are here to be and to do. We are light-warriors as well as luminous beings.

It is the abandoned and rejected parts of ourselves that prevent us from feeling whole and complete. They are in essence illusory, yet our belief in them animates them. It is our story that keeps them alive.

The first step to our liberation is to have right perception of whom and what we are, and then to accept ourselves. Carl Rogers writes: “The curious paradox is when I can accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

The shadows are alive within, because we do not wish to, or are not ready to face them. When we face them, we can slay the dragon. The dragon just asks for our love, and in our love, it melts. God, as the essence of love, is alive within us. The Divine is not separate and never was separate. When we love unconditionally from the heart, we see all the misperceptions, and realise that love is alive within us, and that means we are beautiful as we are. It does not mean that we cannot improve; yet when we come from a whole and accepting space, it is the wellspring for future possibilities.

Embracing metta (loving-kindness) for all beings begins with ourselves. Loving and accepting all that we are, we liberate ourselves from the torment of not believing in or valuing ourselves. That is our freedom calling, and our invitation to experience more than we have allowed ourselves to before.


Photo Credits: Via Flickr
What do you think – or feel? Feel free to comment down below!
You are awesome as you are, and I love you!
And if you love me back, please click ‘share’ up at the top!

David Starlyte (ND) – Australia’s Leading Soul-Coach. PERSONAL SESSIONS NOW AVAILABLE VIA SKYPE (Email me for details:

Find out more about me:
Facebook: davidstarlyte