Healing and Transformation

Healing and Transformation

Allowing Others to Hurt us


Firedance Julia Gray

Firedance Julia Gray


the list of difficult emotions goes on…

So long as we allow it to!

All these emotions are “suffering” (mostly) at the hands of another person or people.

Every person on this planet has felt hurt justifiably or unjustifiably—it’s the human condition. Can one escape it? Hardly. To be human, is to suffer the same fate.


How do others hurt us?

It’s impossible to escape feeling hurt unless you reach a state of “enlightenment.”

Read the following idea, re-read it, allow it to percolate, imbue it with your awareness, and see how you feel with it:
Regarding feeling hurt at the hands of other people, on a fundamental level, they can only do this if we let them.
I’m really curious how you reacted to this as a reader. Feel free to come back to that idea of choice and responsibility for our every feeling and thought.

We are responsible for what we feel. It doesn’t justify the actions. I still feel some rancour when I think about how some people have behaved towards myself and others.

I felt that their cruelty was being rewarded, that I was somehow “right” to feel the way I did at the hands of those who “wronged” me. I felt that how they treated me was unforgivable.


Can another person truly hurt you? Does anybody have that right?

Yes. If we give it to them.

On a practical level, aren’t those who inflict suffering on others the very people who need our help and compassion?
In our hearts, how can we feel this level of saint-like unconditional love? Is that even possible?

How do we heal from cruelty, suffering and despair?

More sensitive people (like me) are more easily hurt, and it’s not really just a question of allowing. I think it’s a path and journey of maturation. We are always developing as human beings. We never stop learning and evolving.
The more experience gained from suffering, the more wisdom, empowerment and understanding.

On a mystical level, all is chosen, so all is responsibility. So from a spiritual level, there really are no victims!


I have felt the pain of being a victim, yet I am aware that is an illusion, and perhaps what we call ego. I still feel that suffering however.

I have feelings, emotions, I am a human being after all, not a statue!

I have worked through it, yet I am not immune from feeling again the feelings.

If people have power over another and they abuse it, then it can affect a person’s life. Certainly in my case, I’ve even had a job situation that had great ramifications that I still feel today in terms of opportunities not coming my way. Could it be as easy as just walking away? Is that even realistic?

There is always a spiritual reflection for that which we experience in a physical sense. Nothing happens by accident without its lessons. It doesn’t mean we need obsess over every detail.


Patterns present themselves for a purpose, and there is always an underlying lesson.

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Aside from engendering compassion for others (by keeping them in our prayers, for example), I will end with some key advice for dealing with people (You know which people I am referring to!):
It’s important to protect ourselves from people who unwittingly drain us or make us feel bad within our private and professional lives. This requires conscious boundary-setting and awareness of self-responsibility.

May you find the healing, self-responsibility and empowerment that you yearn for. It’s there for you…

Waiting for you to CLAIM it…

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