God's Comic

God's Comic


Do I have to bite my tongue?

posted by Brad Stine

After many years as a “Christian comedian” I have often been asked if I thought God had a sense of humor? Well here are a couple examples where I would vote for the affirmative.

In all my many years on earth I can’t begin to count the times I have bitten my tongue. Everyone has experienced this annoyance and every time I do it makes me wonder if this is one of God’s great practical jokes?

Being God and all powerful, when you finally get around to creating worshipers it probably makes sense to make them somewhat entertaining. Being Omniscient he also must have anticipated our rebellion and so worked in the funny stuff as retribution for what was coming.

Biting your tongue being one of these. Why? Because the reason we bite our tongue is because God designed it to be permanently fixed next to our teeth.
Uh, you think He didn’t see this catastrophe potential?

Your tongue may be the softest item on your body, whose job is to manipulate food all the while trying to avoid the hardest thing on our body, our teeth. TEETH! Their only purpose is to cut, grind, chew, crush and mutilate food, which normally comes in the same texture as your tongue.

Just as sharks are known for mistaking surfers for seals and consequently making meat of them, why would one expect our teeth to do anything less when it comes to tongue chewing?

Heck I have even bitten my own finger before while putting a morsel of food in my pie hole which not only hurts but couldn’t possibly make you feel any more stupid.
Another part of our body positioned for maximum hilarity from Gods front row seat in our comedy of errors is our shins.

Shins are also some of the most sensitive parts of our body and thus were positioned nice and low on our legs, (technically referred to as “coffee-table height”) right in the front mind you for maximum damage opportunity.
If God didn’t want us to get hurt he would have either A) placed then behind our legs where our calves are now so they would rarely be smashed, or B) armor plate our shins with some kind of protective shield.

They say our body is full of iron that would have been perfect! God must have foreseen much comedy potential in the leg area since that is also what our toes inhabit. Toes are so good at smashing into things, especially in the dark that they actually necessitated the invention of shoes.

Our thighs are ripe for a Charlie horse, which is perfect for rounding out the leg as a human whoopee cushion for Gods enjoyment.

Of course for men, God initiated a gender specific laugh getter known as the groin, which is where He may have stepped over the line in my opinion. Yeah nothing like taking an organ from inside your body and putting it on the outside to ensure a lot of potential yuks throughout the year.

Lastly there is the aptly named “funny bone” which, when struck, is funny only for the observer as opposed to the receiver who finds nothing funny about it whatsoever. The fact that it was named that shows that God had this planned all along to find much entertainment from his creation.

Maybe it serves us right after all when we consider what He was forced to sacrifice on our behalf, and to be fair He did invent gravity so all of us can enjoy the pleasure of watching somebody slip on the ice. Yeah getting hurt is kinda funny, as long as it happens to someone else.



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