God's Comic

God's Comic


My body needs more metal!

posted by Brad Stine

 

 

As I got out of the shower this morning I had
the pleasure of taking a glance at myself in the mirror. Nothing wakes you up
in the morning like a hot cup of coffee and seeing yourself nude in the mirror.

The good news is it’s the only time in your life
you will look at a naked body and never be tempted with lust. It was as I was
looking at myself that the reality hit me at just how imperfect my form
actually was.

The first thing I realized I was missing was a
tattoo. I have no tattoos and am in dire need of a few. I think it is pretty
obvious why God made our skin blank; it was so we could draw on it. I cool
cross would do as it would act as a witness to those who have never had the
sacrifice of Jesus explained to them on a forearm.

I am also missing some barbed wire around my
bicep (to indicate my power) a dragon or bird (to indicate my desire for
freedom or my lack of wings I’m not sure at this point) and somebody’s name I
admire. (Preferably someone I will still care about ten years from now). 

Another glaring flaw in my countenance are my
earlobes. What you might ask? They are still solid. Nothing can be more
backwards then having earlobes that are sealed from the factory when it would
be much more trendy and attractive to drill a hole in them and lodge a metal
loop in the cavity that allows anyone that may be blowing in your ear to play a
tune as well.

Of course while I’m at it I should run a metal
spike through my lips, nose, eyebrow and tongue. MAN how could the Creator have
been so clumsy in neglecting as much metal as possible to be displayed on your
face? Even more how did we get along this many years without realizing how
unattractive we were to look like ourselves without mechanical modification?

I’ve noticed some fraternities have ended a
great gathering by permanently branding themselves with their insignia! Wow, branding, it’s about time we quit letting cattle have all the fun! But a cursory glance
at our carcass leaves room for all sorts of new beauty concepts the Creator had
I mind all along. Forget shaving your head, how about a complete skull
scalping? Yeah just remove all the skin around your cranium and walk probably
amongst u backward folks with your shiny new skull revealed for all to marvel
at.

Also have you noticed we have too many fingers?
If you’re like me you only use 2 to type with. Why not remove a few for a
fascinating and attractive paw that is permanently giving thumbs up to everyone
you meet. What an uplifting opportunity to bring joy to the lives of strangers?

Heck you wouldn’t even have to waste the digits;
you could swap them in periodically for an attractive new accessory for your
earlobes! I guess my point is simply this, what happened to humanity that ever
caused it to create the notion that just the way you are wasn’t enough?

God created a body that modifies itself with our
hair getting longer or cut shorter depending on our mood. Sideburns for men and
underarm hair for women (based on which side of the Atlantic you live on) gives
us constant opportunities for change that aren’t permanent. Ever increasing age
causes everything on our bodies to take different and unique shapes over time.

Culture has said hide from this truth that we
are getting older when it should have said “wear it as a badge of honor”. I
think a good motto should be, “Never do anything to your body that can only be
restored with surgery!” Ever look at old pictures of yourself? Does anyone EVER
say “MAN I miss that haircut”! Used to be decisions we made when young
only came back to haunt us in photos. Not anymore, with tattoos and piercing,
20 years from now there are going to be a whole lotta people permanently stuck
with a bad haircut!

 



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Comments read comments(25)
post a comment
Nathan

posted August 10, 2010 at 12:51 pm


but Brad, everyone’s doing it!!



report abuse
 

Tilly

posted August 14, 2010 at 8:17 am


I don’t really like the idea of tattoos either, I don’t get the whole “draw on your skin with a really powerful permanent marker, did we mention we are going to use a needle?” Idea… It sorta creeps me out. But if you’re a girl I think it’s fine to get one ears piercing, it gives you an excuse to ask for diamonds what girl wouldn’t want that! Though, more than one can be a little bit overboard.
Great post!



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posted September 3, 2010 at 7:06 pm


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posted September 8, 2010 at 8:50 pm


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posted September 13, 2010 at 7:23 pm


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posted October 5, 2010 at 7:30 pm


Me just stopped by your site and thought Me would say hello.
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Stacy

posted April 5, 2012 at 6:06 pm


HA! I thought this was funny, Brad, and I have 7 piercings and a tattoo. I’m glad to know I can take a joke and not be offended whatsoever.



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