Flunking Sainthood

Flunking Sainthood

David’s Not-Quite-Naked Ark Pole-Dancing: This Week in the Twible, 1 Chronicles 15 to 21


The Chronicler’s Cleanflix version of the Davidic narrative continues this week with a wonderfully PG version of David and the ark. Gone is the full frontal nudity that marked David’s joy in 2 Samuel 6, though other parts of the story remain the same; his wife Michal, who got so ticked in the 2 Samuel version at David’s levity and inappropriate nakedness, still gets mad in the Chronicler’s tale, but there is no context as to why (1 Chronicles 15:29).

The Chronicler actually goes out of his way to show that David is clothed, thank you very much:


David was clothed with a robe of fine linen, as also were all the Levites who were carrying the ark, and the singers . . . and David wore a linen ephod.

So did we mention that David was dressed? And that he was wearing clothes? Really nice, religious ones?

Veggie Tales version to follow soon.

Sat 10/2
#Twible 1 Chron 15: Levites only in the ark processional, please. All other arklifters will be roasted. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sun 10/3
#Twible 1 Chron 16: Ark’s in Jerusalem, baby! But PG version of story omits Dave’s full frontal nudity. No ark pole-dancing here, no sir.


Mon 10/4
#Twible 1 Chron 17: G wants a dream house in Jerusalem; wish list includes cedar shingles & a chapel. But fires Dave as general contractor.

Tues 10/5
#Twible 1 Chron 18: Dave may not be G’s 1st choice as a homebuilder, but he cleans up on the battlefield. Sionara, Moabites & Edomites!

Wed 10/6
#Twible 1 Chron 19: Dave sends mourners to an Ammonite royal funeral, but they attack Isr instead. Sheesh. Some people are just so testy.

Thurs 10/7
#Twible 1 Chron 20: Where Bathsheba tale SHOULD go. (SOS, huge lacuna!) Chron wants to show best of Dav, not the warts. But warts are fun.

Fri 10/8
#Twible 1 Chron 21: Are u ready for Dave’s greatest sin? Wait for it . . . the CENSUS. Yes, unauthorized censuses can result in plague. Oh.


Tune in to Flunking Sainthood every Friday for weekly Twible commentary.
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