Beliefnet
Face the Pain

The security guard led the way upstairs.  Well, actually I led the way. I was racing down the hallway pushing Lisa in the wheelchair while he was 4 or 5 steps behind me giving me directions!  We got to an empty room that was quickly filled with doctors and nurses.  Unreal!  It was as if they all just appeared. Moments later one of the nurses tells me to hold Lisa’s leg back.  I had the right leg and the nurse had the left.  At 1:57a William M. Yancey Jr was born!!!!  Life as we knew it changed in that instant.  Among several other serious complications, William’s most severe problem was the IVH Grade IV brain bleed.  Grade IV is the most severe brain bleed possible.  It leaves babies with severe brain damage, Cerebral Palsy along with a list of other complications assuming they even survive.
William was born on a Monday.  His Neonatologist met with us and would be off until Friday.  I’ll never forget what he told us upon his return that Friday.  He said, “When I came in this morning I did not expect your son to still be here.”  That cut through me like a knife.  It wasn’t a feeling of hitting rock bottom.  It felt more like I was falling into an abyss.  Looking down at William in his make shift bedding was as if he were lying deep in the bottom of a well.  He was sooo small.  I wanted desperately to help him and he seemed so far away.  I could only reach him through prayer.  A painful, “Hang in there, son” prayer.  I was in a lot of pain!  This pain was not ordinary.  Not like a tooth ache or hangnail.  This pain was invasive.  There was no substitute for reality.  Couldn’t cut to a commercial.  There was no remote.  I was engulfed.  By pain.  Do you know of such pain?
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