There I was at the vacation hotel breakfast bar with the crowd of morbidly obese Americans.  I was having breakfast with them, embarrassed, doing my best to eat very slowly and having a very small amount of food.

It was hard to sit alongside people who were bingeing like I used to.  But I love myself and can’t do the binge anymore.  I want to live so much; I want to be there for my children when they have children; I want to keep writing books and making movies, and teaching people how to look to God for all the answers in their life, as I do.  I want to be with God, and do His will at all times.  I fall short, however, and slip, and mess-up on a regular basis.  It’s God that brings me back, over-and-over.

I will keep focused on my goal of maintaining my weight, despite the temptations of the hotel American heart-attack breakfast bar.  “With the grace of God, the tastes (only a couple of forkfuls of each item, not piles and multiple helpings) will be enough,” I kept telling myself.  I prayed a prayer inside over-and-over, while I remembered how I too was once morbidly obese, weighing 400 pounds.

When I was that fat, I too would go to food buffets and eat uncontrollably.  Plate after plate of piles of food was not enough!  I’d stuff myself to oblivion at each meal, and snack times, too.  That was not enough, though.  Too much was not nearly enough.  

As a matter of fact, no amount of food was ever enough for me.  No amount of flavor satisfied my deepest cravings. I was insatiable.

What scares me the most is that “insatiable me” is still alive and ready to torment me and take me back to poor health at any moment.  That deep hunger for MORE, is still with me.  At any moment, I can easily slip back into overeating, into uncontrollable compulsivity.  That self-destructive side has not gone away, it still is there, and I realize it’s never going away.

So I offer that part of me to God as well, in addition to all the other parts of me, good and bad.  God shows me His total care and love repeatedly; always ready when and wherever I need Him.  That’s independence from overeating, and dependence on God.  Especially at the hotel vacation American obese breakfast-bar.

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