Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Need a Promotion? Consider Marriage and Your Gender

posted by Linda Mintle

Want to live longer, stay healthy? Get married!

True, but how does marriage impact the work place, specifically, does it help with promotions?

The answer depends on your gender. Women NO; Men YES

A study that looked at college professors and their promotions found that married female professors waited longer to be promoted than their single counterparts. And men were promoted faster than women in general. The women in the study must have noticed because they reported being treated fairly at a much lower rate than the men. (Women-55.4%; Men- (84.7%).

Why the gender difference? Two reasons were noted. Women take off of their careers to have babies and to support their husbands. Both may impact their career acceleration.

Bottom line, marriage impacts the career paths of men and women differently. Marriage gives men the advantage.

Want an Edge on Losing Weight?

posted by Linda Mintle

Want an edge on losing weight?

You might consider the TIMING of your meal.

An interesting study conducted in Spain with Tufts University and the University of Murcia, looked at the timing of meals. Specifically, they wanted to see if eating an early (before 3:00p.m.) or late (after 3:00p.m.) lunch made any difference in weight loss efforts.

What they found was that early lunch eaters lost more weight than late eaters. The findings are reported in the International Journal of Obesity.

Noted in the study was that late eaters often consumed fewer calories at breakfast or even skipped breakfast–a no-no  for dieters.

But what may give us a clue about the importance of the timing of a meal is that the late eaters had lower insulin sensitivity–one risk factor for diabetes.

So next time you schedule lunch, consider bumping it up to an early time. it just might help shed a few of those unwanted pounds.

 

More help: Press Pause Before You Eat by Dr. Linda Mintle. Click on image above.

Could The Way You Start a Fight Predict Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

Jenna was really mad at her husband. He promised to come home at a reasonable hour. She cooked a fabulous meal, got the kids to bed but sat waiting in the silence. Two hours after his scheduled arrival, husband Tom showed up. By the time, he walked in the door, Jenna was ready to explode. He walked into the kitchen and she let loose. How dare he not call. What a jerk! Before he could get a word out, Jenna threw down her towel and left the room. “Enjoy your very cold dinner.”

What Jenna didn’t know was that there was a major car accident on his way home. Traffic didn’t move for an hour and his cell phone was dead. But that conversation was slow to develop because the way Jenna began the argument was harsh. Did she have a right to be mad? Sure.

But would she and Tom have a sensible discussion about what happened? Probably not based on the way she began the conflict. Martial Researcher John Gottman has discovered that when a conflict begins  with what is called a harsh startup, it won’t end well. In fact, a harsh start up is a predictor of divorce.

When a partner is negative, accusatory, filled with contempt, the conflict will reflect that tone and go nowhere.

So what is a soft start up–a better way to begin?

First, don’t begin with accusation, criticism or anger.

Second, don’t assume the negative. In Tom’s case, things were out of his control. He had no way to communicate.

Third, begin with something positive like, “I’m glad you finally made it home. Everything OK?”

Fourth, talk from your point of view. “I was sitting here getting upset because I made a great dinner and got the kids to bed. I am so disappointed. What happened? I never heard from you and it is so late?”

The start up is so important that Gottman says 96% if the time it predicts the way a conflict will end–negatively. And harsh start ups are associated with relationship break ups. So next time, you are ready to attack, stop, think about what your goal is, follow the above guidelines and see if you can engage in a more positive way.

 

 

For help calming down and dealing with anger, click on the book cover, Breaking Free from Anger and Unforgiveness. 

Is “Sin” a Bad Word in Church?

posted by Linda Mintle

Sunday, I heard a sermon on sanctification. The pastor was direct with the congregation. If you are cohabitating and having sex, you are sinning. If you are looking at pornography, you are sinning. If you cheat on your taxes, you are sinning. If you lie to your parents, that is sin. Gossip? It’s sin.

The direct approach took the audience by surprise. People were uncomfortable and the pastor knew it. But he felt it was his job to make Christians uncomfortable when we sin. Why? Because as Christians, we are supposed to be in the process of sanctification. And sanctification requires us to pay attention to our sin and repent.

But because the process of sanctification points to our sin and requires effort on our part, we don’t like to talk about it.

When we are saved, we are justified to God. This mean we are new creations in Christ. We are justified by faith–we don’t earn it and it is a completed work. We are the righteousness of Christ, an unearned gift given to us at the point of salvation. Justification relates to our position in God.

But once we give our lives to Christ, there is a type of effort that goes into living a transformed life. And that transformation is what we call sanctifcation. Sanctification involves conforming to the image of Christ. It is the righteousness of Christ working in us and can’t be done until we are first justified to God. Once saved, we have what we need (the righteousness of Christ in us) to become more like Christ. But we have to participate in the process. And this is where we get uncomfortable.

We hesitate to confront sin because we don’t want to judge and want to be tolerant. And sin is often enjoyable. But we all fall short and are regularly in need of repentance. Without facing our sin, we can’t continue the process of sanctification.

We have to cooperate and “work out our own salvation” (Philippians 2:12; Ezekiel 11:20, 20:19). Sanctification is about our relationship with God. Because we love Him, we want to obey and serve Him. This means confronting our sin.

With so few pastors willing to even talk about sin, we grow a little too comfortable letting sin slide.  “Sin” is not a bad word and needs to find its place in the American church again.

 

 

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