Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

What Men Want That Women Don’t Understand

posted by Linda Mintle

couple“I’m in the middle of an emotional crisis here and you want sex?  Really?”

Yes really. The woman who uttered this during a therapy session did not understand her husband’s bid for emotional closeness. In the middle of emotional crises, men want sex. It is one way they connect emotionally.

Why? Isn’t this insensitive?

No, not when you understand the way men and women  think about sex relationally.

For men, sex is a way of showing affection. In his hormonal wiring, he is thinking, if we have sex, we’ll feel more connected and stress will be relieved. If we have sex, she will see how much I care. I can be close to her, reassure her.


While this is true for men, women think differently.

She is thinking: If he is attuned to my inner world, empathetic to my needs and tracking with me emotionally, I’ll want more sex. Right now, I have to pull myself out of this exhaustion to feel sexual. I need more warm up time and more anticipation.

Women lead with their feelings, men with their bodies.

Both want the same thing: Connection and intimacy: Men want women physically to feel connected and women want men emotionally in order to give them their bodies.

So next time that husband suggests sex as a way to deal with stress and feel closer, think about his motive and understand his heart. Then give your side of the story in terms of how you think. See what happens from there!



Our Obsession With Fame and How it Impacts Our Teens

posted by Linda Mintle

I don’s usually post radio shows but this one I did on the rite of passage for our teens, obsession with fame and how media sexualizes women is a powerful show. It’s 30 minutes long and important for any family. Take a listen.

Click on this link to listen–The Dr. Linda Mintle Radio Show

Dr Linda radio


Is It True That Blondes Really Do Have More Fun?

posted by Linda Mintle

BlondeWhen Kim Kardashian decided to dye her hair blonde after the birth of her first child, my eye caught a survey about the differences between blondes and brunettes.

All blonde jokes aside, Rose-Marie Jarvis of Goody hair conducted a survey of over 3000 participants and found that blondes engage in their beauty routines an average of 72 minutes a day, six minutes longer than brunettes. This means blondes spend 22 days a year getting ready, compared to 19 days for those lagging behind brunettes. It appears that blondes have to work harder to get that same light hair shine as brunettes already possess. And all that time spent on getting ready seems to make blondes feel more confident, leading to more fun![1]


Now, you know why the blonde woman in your life, the blonde dorm roommate or friend is making you late!

The survey also found that blonde men tend to like blond women, and brunette men prefer brunette women. When it comes to attraction in terms of hair color, like attracts like.

It’s also true that if you hung around a certain hair color type growing up and had good experiences with that hair type, you will be attracted to that hair color as an adult.  And say, the blonde bully picked on you in middle school, you probably won’t be attracted to that blonde drummer in the band. It’s too much of a reminder.

Like attracts like, but here is where the differences come in to play. When brunettes first meet other people, they are perceived as being smarter than blondes (Think of all the dumb blonde jokes). Furthermore, men, in London, are more attracted to brunettes. If you are thinking, this is just not fair, go ahead and die your hair blonde and move to another country.


The researchers also found that blondes go on more dates and feel more confident and youthful. Overall, blondes are perceived to be more attractive and even do better at getting tips as waitresses. [2

Hmmmmm…….Blondes just might have more fun, or least get better tips!



[2] Lynn, M. (2009) Determinants and consequences of female attractiveness and sexiness: Realistic tests with restaurant waitresses.  Arch Sex Behav, 38(5). 737-45.

[1] The Telegraph. Tuesday September 2013 Retrieved on-line from


5 Stages of a Mass Shooting and How to Respond If You Are In the Area

posted by Linda Mintle

With all the shootings in recent years, people are thinking of how they might respond to such an horrific event. Here is some help from law enforcement.  Praying that none of you are ever in a position to have to use this information, but we should think about how to respond.

Law enforcement has identified 5 stages that a mass shooter goes through before he completes the act:

1)   Fantasy stage—He is daydreaming about  the killings, idolizing other shooters, thinking about the news coverage and how he will be remembered.

2)   Planning stage—This is when he decides who and how to kill and may talk about his plans. This is a key step in prevention. If you hear anything that sounds disturbing, report it.

3)   Preparation stage-He gets the weapons and practices using them.


4)   Approach stage—He walks or drives by the targeted area with weapons in hand. If you notice this, call the police or 911 immediately.

5)   Implementation stage—He starts the the action and prevention is too late.

If you are in the area of the shooting, law enforcement recommends you: 

1)   Run and try to escape if that is possible. Several people were able to do this at Virginia Tech and the movie shootings.

2)   Hide, if you can’t run. Be quick and quiet, turn out lights, lock doors, silence phone including vibration. Some people suggest you play dead if you are in sight on the shooter.

3)   Fight and try to disarm and take down the shooter if you are in the line of attack.

I wish we didn’t have to have a blog like this. Praying for the families who have again, lost loved ones.




Source: Washington County Sheriff’s Office

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