Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

4 Reasons Not To Avoid Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

I’m guessing that, “In this world, you will have trouble…” is not your favorite BIble verse to quote!

But it is true, with trouble comes conflict.  Conflict is always present in our relationships and many of us don’t like to deal with it. But here are 4 reasons you should not AVOID conflict:

1) Initially, avoiding conflict might lessen stress. This may be true for the moment, but when conflict is avoided it builds. The build-up of bad feelings can lead to resentment. Then the likelihood of an explosion increases and often results in hurtful ways of handling problems

2) One study noted that while people feel better avoiding at the time of the conflict, they don’t feel better the next day. In the study, physical symptoms and negative well-being were higher the day after the conflict in conflict avoiders than in people who confronted problems.[1] In other words, the impact showed up after the fact.

3) Researchers at the University of Michigan looked at conflict as it relates to longevity of life. They concluded that people who deal with conflict live longer. Specifically, they observed that when both partners in a couple relationship felt unfairly attacked and suppressed their anger at the other, they died earlier than couples who communicated their anger.

4) Another reason not to avoid conflict is that avoiding can lead to sudden eruptions due to a backlog of feelings that have been banked. I see this most often working with people with eating disorders. Other times, conflict simmers below the surface and leads to irritability.


[1] Birditt, K.S. (Oct 2010). Marital conflict behaviors and implications for divorce over 16 years. Journal of Marriage and Family. 72 (5), pp. 1188-1204

Is Housework The Great Equalizer in Couples?

posted by Linda Mintle

Men, when was the last time you rolled up your sleeves and tackled the dishes?

Today’s modern family has women in the workplace and men much more involved in the home and parenting. This means men and women are figuring out how to divide the labor and conquer the household chores.

When it comes to marital satisfaction, at-home work seems to be a great equalizer. Husbands who pitch in and help around the house make their wives happy! That’s right, the quality of marriage is affected by men doing housework!

The division of labor matters. Husbands don’t have to work with their wives to get things done at home, just take on some of the tasks (April 2013, Journal of Family Issues).  It’s not the togetherness of doing house work, but the fact that men are participating that makes a difference.

So men, pull out those culinary skills, clean a few toilets, and mop that floor…it just might improve your marriage! Your wives will be impressed and think you care.

And men, don’t worry, your leisure time is not at risk. According to Pew researchers, you might be spending more time at work than your female counterparts, doing more around the house, but you still have more leisure time than your wife. So no complaints. Doing housework can only help your marriage!

 

Who is Really Feeling Stressed?

posted by Linda Mintle

The good news is that stress levels are down for most Americans. We must be doing something right when it comes to handling the opportunities to let stress get the best of us.

But one group is not doing so well–millennials (ages 18-33). According to a recent survey conducted by Harris Interactive for the American Psychological Association, millennials rank higher than the national average when it comes to feeling stress. The top stressors for this group (in order) are work, then money, relationships, the economy and family responsibilities.

Why?

Maybe they are more open about how they feel than other groups.

Or it might be because they grew up with high expectations and were sheltered from difficulty in many cases.

Or as they enter the job market, they see the problems in the economy. Unemployment in this group is 13% and many have given up looking for work.

Or many face the debt of student loans and have little too invest in their financial future.

Whatever the case, a concern is that stress often manifests in depression and anxiety.

But more good news:

Unhealthy coping skills are on the decline–stress eating and alcohol use. Positive coping includes listening to music, walking or exercise, and spending time with friends. And many de-stress by playing video games and surfing the Internet.

 

For more help with Breaking Free from Stress, click here. 

 

Day 3: Dr. Linda on the Dr. Oz 3 Day Cleanse

posted by Linda Mintle

Day 3: Yes I am glad this is almost over! Dr. Oz always talks about food as medicine. OK, I get that but I am ready to enjoy my food again. Drinking it just doesn’t cut it when it comes to enjoyment.

Starter: green tea, stevia and lemon slice. 

One thing I have noticed is that I am not waking up as early and getting better sleep. Really missing coffee. This must mean I am not a tea person! And this morning, I had a stomach ache after I drank the tea.

Breakfast: Ingredients: 1 cup water, 1 Tbsp flax seed, 1 cup raspberries, 1 banana, 1/4 cup spinach, 1 Tbsp almond butter, 2 tsp lemon.

My favorite drink of the day! Good thing or I think people would lose motivation. I now have a good, healthy shake that I can use at breakfast anytime I want to change it up. This shake is also the fastest to prepare and uses ingredients you might have without doing special shopping.

Lunch: Ingredients: 4 celery stalks, 1 whole cucumber, 1 cup of kale, ½ green apple, ½ lime, coconut oil, almond milk, 1 cup pineapple

I’m adding a bit more cucumber as I think I cut back too much yesterday. And I am adding a bit more apple–one very small green apple to give it that fruit bite I need. This shake is time consuming to prepare. So I cut up all the ingredients in the a.m. and put them in a tupperware so I could just dump them in the blender. This is not a drink I would fix on my own. So glad it is the last time I have to drink it!

Snack: Even though I like the breakfast shake, I’m tired of it. I’m losing energy this afternoon and ready to eat again. I feel tired but not sleepy and my stomach feels very full but I am now craving food. So Norm and I were ready to cook dinner tonight but decided we are one shake away from completion. We should run for the finish line.

Dinner: Ingredients: ½ cup mango, 1 cup blueberries, 1 ½ cup coconut water, 1 cup kale, 1 tbsp. lemon, ¼ avocado, ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper, 1 Tbsp Flax Seeds

Glad we are on the last shake.

Evening Bath: Guys are not really into taking a bath for 3 nights in a row! We both did it. I loved it!

Tips and Thoughts:

The shakes blended better when I put the liquid in first, then the almond butter or coconut oil and flax. This was especially true with the lunch shake. Putting the milk and coconut oil in first, helped to blend the coconut oil better. Yesterday I saw white chunks of oil in the shake, which turned me off as I think it looks like lard.

After the first day, I had no caffeine headache and I usually drink 2 cups of coffee in the am. I also wasn’t sleepy in the morning and had lots of energy. If you like tea, this would be a great way to start your day. I will confess that I love coffee too much to give it up.

It helps to have someone do this with you. We both wanted to give up at different times and each of us talked the other out of it.

Consider the cost if two people do it together. It was expensive, about $35.00 a day and I had to run to Sam’s or the store every day because I didn’t buy enough of everything. You have the menu and ingredient list so you can plan this out better than I did.

The issue with doing something like this is sustaining better eating. From doing this, I am going to include greens in my diet every day and make an effort to increase fruits and vegetables. It is easy to sprinkle flax seed on cereal or oatmeal and I am going to cook now with coconut oil.

I didn’t do this for weight loss so didn’t weigh myself before I started, but my husband did weigh in. He dropped 8 pounds from this cleanse and was surprised! I have no way to measure the reset that is supposed to happen internally but hopefully, it did some good. You won’t be hungry on this 3 day venture. You will miss the enjoyment of food but it is only a short period of time.

Overall, this was a good exercise to get me back on eating better. The 3 days is short enough to be successful and it made me think how much I need to increase the fruits and vegetables in my diet. So if you are game and give it a try, share your comments on this blog.

 

 

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