Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

5 Ways To Make A Date Night Work

posted by Linda Mintle

Couples trying to improve their relationship satisfaction often find that spending time together does the trick. In fact, that is the idea of the Date Night Challenge. Take your partner on a date and have some fun.

But the mundane dinner and movie may not be enough to do the job. How you spend time together matters. Here are 5 tips:

1) Ask your partner about his or her thoughts, feelings, dreams, likes, dislikes, etc. Think Newly Wed game -how well do you know this person? This helps you build a “love map” with that person. Love maps are important to building marital friendship, the foundation of a strong relationship.

2) Tell your partner what you appreciate about him or her. Expressing affection, fondness and admiration also contributes to marital friendship.

3) Turn towards your partner when he or she emotionally needs you. Be there emotionally and listen to what he or she is saying and be understanding. This is another building block of marital friendship.

4) Do something novel in order to re-ignite romance–take a dance class, a walk on the beach, redo your very first date, picnic at the park, cook together, etc. Novelty gets the brain chemistry kicking in to romance gear.

5) Share intimate details for half an hour, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes. When Dr. Arun studied people who fall in love, he had complete strangers do these two things. Many of the couples felt deeply attracted to each other after the experiment ended, and two subjects later married!

Start your engines…and get our there people!

 

SuperBowl: Great Game, but Madonna?

posted by Linda Mintle

While my team did not make it to the super bowl this year, I am excited to see the big game as those two teams should put on quite the show.

But Madonna for the half time entertainment?

A friend of mine asked me who still listens to Madonna? I really don’t know. She must sell music or she wouldn’t have been asked to do this gig. But every time I see Madonna, I feel like I am seeing a little girl locked in a grown up body. She seems like a wounded soul who is desperately seeking someone other than Susan!

And maybe that is what I sense–the seeker searching for validation and acceptance. I suspect that under all the bravado and strutting is a women in need of someone to love and to be loved back. She’s tried spirituality but needs the love of Jesus.

Madonna seems like a woman who has never grown past the identity verses confusion stage of Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development. Her constant reinventing of herself could be viewed as massive insecurity and a need to be noticed. This 50 something seems determined to stay young and relevant.

But it is like watching a former beauty queen trying to regain her title.

Madonna and I are about the same age. Maybe that is why it bothers me to see her acting like a teenager. Most women my age have grown into their skin.

I’m sure she’ll dance her heart out. I read that she spent 13 hours a day preparing for one of her music videos. That’s about what is would take to get a 50-year-old body to compete with Britney Spears!

So while you could admire her for still giving it the college try, I say it’s time to graduate and pass the baton. Old rock stars can still play the music, but there is something unsettling about watching them do it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kim Kardashian Going to Church?

posted by Linda Mintle

Did Kim Kardashian go to church? Apparently after taking New York, she has taken a pew!

According to The Christian Post, she went to church. Mom also attended with her.  And, Kim blogged about what she wore from her latest Spring fashion collection -a bright yellow mustard jacket.

And she tweeted that she wants to begin a Bible study group with her friends.

The sermon was on Toxic Family Members!

OK, so what do we make of this. Nothing more than she went to church and heard the sermon. What happens from here, we don’t know. Is she trying repair her image? Was she sincere? Only God knows but it is a good thing to go to church and be exposed to a sermon. All of us need God in our lives, celebrity or not.

It would be great if she did get a Bible study going. The Word is active and living. It is powerful and the Spirit draws a person to Him. Positioning yourself to receive is a start.

There will be a lot of cynics on this one. The comments are already nasty. But I don’t want to go there.

God can use anything, anytime. You never know what might touch someone’s heart. I know lots of people who went to church for the wrong reasons but ended up being touched by God.

I say, you go girl–that is to church!

 

 

 

 

WIll You Take The Date Night Challenge?

posted by Linda Mintle

This week, the city of Chicago is revving up for the Date Night Challenge, a not-for-profit venture involving businesses, churches and individuals that is designed to strengthen relationships. The goal is to have couples go on 5 million dates in the next two years. Organizations and business are partnering to provide date nights for couples. There is a mobile app and a website filled with quizzes, date ideas and conversation to help you meet the challenge.

Other cities like West Palm Beach, Florida are doing the same.

The idea–get out there people and have some fun dating and strengthen your relationship! Take time out of your busy schedule to spend with someone you love.

Will you take the challenge? Here’s why you should.

1) In informal surveys, couples were asked what would improve their marriages. 62% said they needed to spend more time together. Scheduling a date night does just that–allows for time together away from the kids and the office.

2) Years ago, marital researchers, Gottman & Silver (1999) found that couples who spent 5 hours a week together maintained successful relationships. Imagine if two of those hours happened during a date night!

3) On one of the Date Night Challenge websites I read that 90% of date nighters claimed their relationship satisfaction improved.

4) Gottman’s research tells us that couples have to promote a steady flow of positive interactions in their relationships in order to build an emotional bank account that can be used when needed. Date nights can be a way to build the positive and fill up the emotional bank account.

5) Gottman’s research also notes that the foundation of a sound relationship is marital friendship. Friends spend time together, know the inner world of their partners, express fondness and admiration for each other and turn towards each other emotionally–dates can be a part of building this friendship. And when the marital friendship is strong, this creates positive feeling about your partner. Positive feelings go a long way to buffer the negatives of a relationship.

6)  Orthner (1975) found that couples who engaged in either parallel or joint activities did tend to have more positive marriages.  In contrast, couples who engaged in independent leisure activities tended to report worse marital functioning.

So, I dare you, take the challenge and see for yourself.

And make sure you read tomorrow’s post on 5 Ways to Make Date Night Work. 

The date night is a great idea, but what you do on that date matters when it comes to keeping love alive.

 

 

 

Previous Posts

Could Visualizing Food Make You Eat Less?
You are on your way to work and feel hungry. The morning rush caused you to skip breakfast. You pass the bakery as you walk to your office. The smell of freshly baked croissants is tempting. As you look in the window, those croissants are lined up in a row, oozing with chocolate and inviting yo

posted 6:00:56am Jan. 28, 2015 | read full post »

Mean Girls or Is It Mean Boys?
Perhaps you've seen the movie Mean Girls. If so, you remember the popular clique of girls who ruled the social scene by backstabbing and being verbally mean to anyone they didn't like. The movie reminds most of us of those one or two girls in middle school who could use their verbal aggression to

posted 6:00:47am Jan. 28, 2015 | read full post »

Treating Binge Eating With Medication?
Every day Sally vows she will not eat herself sick. But today is no different. She is distressed, eating past full and feeling as if she has no control. Sally suffers from Binge Eating Disorder (BED) which has been recognized as a psychiatric disorder. To date, there are no medications approved f

posted 6:00:35am Jan. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Is Binge Drinking Just College Fun?
In the throws of January, college students begin dreaming about Spring Break. Those plans often include partying on a beach with nonstop drinking. Binge drinking is "a pattern of drinking that brings blood alcohol concentration (BAC) levels to 0.08 g/dL. This typically occurs after 4 drinks for w

posted 6:00:57am Jan. 23, 2015 | read full post »

Does the Cold Make You Catch a Cold?
My mom used to tell me to put a hat on my baby when the weather was cold. I used to argue, "Mom, babies don't catch colds from the cold. They get them from viruses. I'm not putting a hat on the baby." But now it seems that my mom could have been on to something. Could the cold weather actually p

posted 6:00:36am Jan. 21, 2015 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.