Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Letting Go of Worry: Watch the Interview

posted by Linda Mintle

Do you have relationship, health, job or money worries?

The women on Full Circle TV invited me to share thoughts from my book Letting Go of Worry.

Watch the interview. It’s a bit longer than usual–about 14 minutes. Enjoy!

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5 Do and Don’t for Valentine Day Singles

posted by Linda Mintle

Here are my 5 Dos and Don’ts for Valentine’s Day for singles:

1. Not in a relationship this Valentine’s Day:

Don’t sit home and pout about not being in the relationship of your dreams while drowning your sorrows in pints of ice cream. You’ll only gain weight and feel even worse!

Do focus your love on someone meaningful in your life—maybe your parents, grandparents, a special friend, a child in need, etc.  Love can be celebrated even when it is not romantic love.

 

2. Recently rejected?

Don’t keep asking yourself what you did wrong or go after the person who dumped you.

Do move on even though you may still want the person. The reward system in the brain for wanting the person who dumped you becomes even more active when you can’t get what you want. So don’t rely on your feelings to give you respect. Lead with your head, not heart.

 

3. When you are attracted to someone: 

Don’t worry so much about what you say. Research tells us that 55% of attraction is based on body language and 38% on the tone and speed of your voice.

Do notice if he or she is responding to initial attraction. Studies tell us that people know within 90 seconds to 4 minutes of meeting someone.

 

4. If you have been dating someone for a long time…

Don’t allow your relationship to become so routine that both of you are bored and becoming uninterested. Between 18-36 months, passion takes a dive due to chemical changes in the brain. This is normal and does not mean you’ve lost that loving feeling.

Do something novel to ignite a new spark in the relationship. New experiences reactivates the brain’s reward system and bring those same feeling as initial love.

 

5. Should you say, “I love you?”

Don’t say I love you unless you’ve really thought about it and mean it. Research at MIT Sloan School of Management found that the timing of saying this powerful phrase is often based on a cost –benefit analysis and that men tend to sat it first.

 

Do tell the person you love him or her if you mean it. He or she will want to hear it and it may improve your health. Studies show intimate relationships can bring a drop in blood pressure and longer life. L’chaim!

5 Ways To Make A Date Night Work

posted by Linda Mintle

Couples trying to improve their relationship satisfaction often find that spending time together does the trick. In fact, that is the idea of the Date Night Challenge. Take your partner on a date and have some fun.

But the mundane dinner and movie may not be enough to do the job. How you spend time together matters. Here are 5 tips:

1) Ask your partner about his or her thoughts, feelings, dreams, likes, dislikes, etc. Think Newly Wed game -how well do you know this person? This helps you build a “love map” with that person. Love maps are important to building marital friendship, the foundation of a strong relationship.

2) Tell your partner what you appreciate about him or her. Expressing affection, fondness and admiration also contributes to marital friendship.

3) Turn towards your partner when he or she emotionally needs you. Be there emotionally and listen to what he or she is saying and be understanding. This is another building block of marital friendship.

4) Do something novel in order to re-ignite romance–take a dance class, a walk on the beach, redo your very first date, picnic at the park, cook together, etc. Novelty gets the brain chemistry kicking in to romance gear.

5) Share intimate details for half an hour, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes. When Dr. Arun studied people who fall in love, he had complete strangers do these two things. Many of the couples felt deeply attracted to each other after the experiment ended, and two subjects later married!

Start your engines…and get our there people!

 

SuperBowl: Great Game, but Madonna?

posted by Linda Mintle

While my team did not make it to the super bowl this year, I am excited to see the big game as those two teams should put on quite the show.

But Madonna for the half time entertainment?

A friend of mine asked me who still listens to Madonna? I really don’t know. She must sell music or she wouldn’t have been asked to do this gig. But every time I see Madonna, I feel like I am seeing a little girl locked in a grown up body. She seems like a wounded soul who is desperately seeking someone other than Susan!

And maybe that is what I sense–the seeker searching for validation and acceptance. I suspect that under all the bravado and strutting is a women in need of someone to love and to be loved back. She’s tried spirituality but needs the love of Jesus.

Madonna seems like a woman who has never grown past the identity verses confusion stage of Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development. Her constant reinventing of herself could be viewed as massive insecurity and a need to be noticed. This 50 something seems determined to stay young and relevant.

But it is like watching a former beauty queen trying to regain her title.

Madonna and I are about the same age. Maybe that is why it bothers me to see her acting like a teenager. Most women my age have grown into their skin.

I’m sure she’ll dance her heart out. I read that she spent 13 hours a day preparing for one of her music videos. That’s about what is would take to get a 50-year-old body to compete with Britney Spears!

So while you could admire her for still giving it the college try, I say it’s time to graduate and pass the baton. Old rock stars can still play the music, but there is something unsettling about watching them do it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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