Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Tonight: The Love Cocktail!

posted by Linda Mintle

You see him across the crowded room. Your eyes meet and you feel drawn to that person. As you move towards him, your adrenaline rises, your heart races, your mouth is dry–can I even speak?

Then, something amazing happens. Your brain is saturated with a love cocktail. Dopamine floods you like a rush of cocaine. You feel giddy. Serotonin activates and you can’t take your eyes off the person. it is like you are obsessed. Actually you are in some ways as that serotonin release is very similar to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

You meet. His still lives with his mother. He doesn’t have a job and is wearing pink! You don’t care because the love cocktail is soaking your brain. You can’t think. You are in love.

And you sip the cocktail for about 18 to 36 months. Then, the impact wears off and you think, “He still lives with his mom? Why doesn’t he have a job? I can’t deal with this!”

Your love cocktail is gone. Reality sets in. And this is where you really need to pay attention–of course, now you can.

 

 

If you live in the Hampton Roads are, join me tonight at the Chesapeake Central Library for LOVE IN THE LIBRARY as I talk about The Love Cocktail. A night of fun, music, and entertainment!

Addicted to Social Media?

posted by Linda Mintle

You are worried. Is this addiction going to come between the two of you? Should you be looking for an accountability group? Why can’t she stop doing this? Please put down that IPAD and look at me!

Sounds like someone tying to kick a drinking habit doesn’t it? Well it’s not. These are the thoughts of a person fed up with someone who constantly checks social media. Researchers at the University of Chicago found that people had more problems resisting social media that a drink or a cigarette!

In fact, researchers  found that kicking the social media habit for a day brought on on withdrawal symptoms!

And we know from studies on eating that resisting a craving frequently results in giving in to it! Willpower eventually wears down and you find yourself diving into the cupcakes you tried to resist.

However, if you can temporarily resist the urge to eat, you may eat less and be satisfied with less.

So what is a person to do when the pull of social media constantly calls you name and login?

If the food studies hold true to social media, temporarily resisting may result in fewer social media checks. Maybe this is a step towards putting down that Blackberry and paying attention to the person next to you.

For the sake of all our relationships, let’s practice a little restraint. The next time you are having a conversation with a friend and that familiar tone rings to tell you that you have an update, temporarily resist checking. Look at the person you are having real conversation with and smile. Tell yourself, you can wait and enjoy the moment.

 

Letting Go of Worry: Watch the Interview

posted by Linda Mintle

Do you have relationship, health, job or money worries?

The women on Full Circle TV invited me to share thoughts from my book Letting Go of Worry.

Watch the interview. It’s a bit longer than usual–about 14 minutes. Enjoy!

YouTube Preview Image

5 Do and Don’t for Valentine Day Singles

posted by Linda Mintle

Here are my 5 Dos and Don’ts for Valentine’s Day for singles:

1. Not in a relationship this Valentine’s Day:

Don’t sit home and pout about not being in the relationship of your dreams while drowning your sorrows in pints of ice cream. You’ll only gain weight and feel even worse!

Do focus your love on someone meaningful in your life—maybe your parents, grandparents, a special friend, a child in need, etc.  Love can be celebrated even when it is not romantic love.

 

2. Recently rejected?

Don’t keep asking yourself what you did wrong or go after the person who dumped you.

Do move on even though you may still want the person. The reward system in the brain for wanting the person who dumped you becomes even more active when you can’t get what you want. So don’t rely on your feelings to give you respect. Lead with your head, not heart.

 

3. When you are attracted to someone: 

Don’t worry so much about what you say. Research tells us that 55% of attraction is based on body language and 38% on the tone and speed of your voice.

Do notice if he or she is responding to initial attraction. Studies tell us that people know within 90 seconds to 4 minutes of meeting someone.

 

4. If you have been dating someone for a long time…

Don’t allow your relationship to become so routine that both of you are bored and becoming uninterested. Between 18-36 months, passion takes a dive due to chemical changes in the brain. This is normal and does not mean you’ve lost that loving feeling.

Do something novel to ignite a new spark in the relationship. New experiences reactivates the brain’s reward system and bring those same feeling as initial love.

 

5. Should you say, “I love you?”

Don’t say I love you unless you’ve really thought about it and mean it. Research at MIT Sloan School of Management found that the timing of saying this powerful phrase is often based on a cost –benefit analysis and that men tend to sat it first.

 

Do tell the person you love him or her if you mean it. He or she will want to hear it and it may improve your health. Studies show intimate relationships can bring a drop in blood pressure and longer life. L’chaim!

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