Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

What Makes a Happy Couple Happy?

posted by Linda Mintle

A national survey  (the National Survey of Martial Strengths) was conducted on 21,501 married couples from all 50 state, using the assessment tool called ENRICH.

The purpose of the survey was to identify what is it is that happy couples do compared to unhappy couples.

10 strengths were found in that survey that identified happy couples from unhappy couples. Here they are:

1) Communication: Partners agree that they are satisfied with how they talk to each other.

2) Couples agreed they were creative in how they handled differences.

3) Closeness: Couples were in agreement about feeling close to each other.

4) Couples felt their personalities were compatible.

5) Conflict resolution: Couples agreed that they felt understood when discussing problems.

6) Couples were satisfied with the level of affection and sexuality in the relationship.

7) Couples agreed on leisure activities.

8) Couples agreed on issues related to family and friends.

9) Couples agreed on issues related to financial matters.

10) Couples agreed on issues related to their spiritual beliefs.

I hope you see that it is the agreement on these issues that boosts the happiness quotient for couples. It makes sense because couples who agree have less conflict and fight less.

So take a look at your relationship and do a mental check on where you fall on these 10 items. Working towards agreement in these critical areas could lead to feeling like a happy couple! And happy couples have a much better chance of staying together.

 

Tonight: The Love Cocktail!

posted by Linda Mintle

You see him across the crowded room. Your eyes meet and you feel drawn to that person. As you move towards him, your adrenaline rises, your heart races, your mouth is dry–can I even speak?

Then, something amazing happens. Your brain is saturated with a love cocktail. Dopamine floods you like a rush of cocaine. You feel giddy. Serotonin activates and you can’t take your eyes off the person. it is like you are obsessed. Actually you are in some ways as that serotonin release is very similar to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

You meet. His still lives with his mother. He doesn’t have a job and is wearing pink! You don’t care because the love cocktail is soaking your brain. You can’t think. You are in love.

And you sip the cocktail for about 18 to 36 months. Then, the impact wears off and you think, “He still lives with his mom? Why doesn’t he have a job? I can’t deal with this!”

Your love cocktail is gone. Reality sets in. And this is where you really need to pay attention–of course, now you can.

 

 

If you live in the Hampton Roads are, join me tonight at the Chesapeake Central Library for LOVE IN THE LIBRARY as I talk about The Love Cocktail. A night of fun, music, and entertainment!

Addicted to Social Media?

posted by Linda Mintle

You are worried. Is this addiction going to come between the two of you? Should you be looking for an accountability group? Why can’t she stop doing this? Please put down that IPAD and look at me!

Sounds like someone tying to kick a drinking habit doesn’t it? Well it’s not. These are the thoughts of a person fed up with someone who constantly checks social media. Researchers at the University of Chicago found that people had more problems resisting social media that a drink or a cigarette!

In fact, researchers  found that kicking the social media habit for a day brought on on withdrawal symptoms!

And we know from studies on eating that resisting a craving frequently results in giving in to it! Willpower eventually wears down and you find yourself diving into the cupcakes you tried to resist.

However, if you can temporarily resist the urge to eat, you may eat less and be satisfied with less.

So what is a person to do when the pull of social media constantly calls you name and login?

If the food studies hold true to social media, temporarily resisting may result in fewer social media checks. Maybe this is a step towards putting down that Blackberry and paying attention to the person next to you.

For the sake of all our relationships, let’s practice a little restraint. The next time you are having a conversation with a friend and that familiar tone rings to tell you that you have an update, temporarily resist checking. Look at the person you are having real conversation with and smile. Tell yourself, you can wait and enjoy the moment.

 

Letting Go of Worry: Watch the Interview

posted by Linda Mintle

Do you have relationship, health, job or money worries?

The women on Full Circle TV invited me to share thoughts from my book Letting Go of Worry.

Watch the interview. It’s a bit longer than usual–about 14 minutes. Enjoy!

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