Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

The Key To Staying Married

posted by Linda Mintle

“I like you and want to stay married.” Great. But that probably isn’t going to cut it unless the commitment is much deeper.

Think about it. Most people stay committed when the relationship goes well, but what about when stress mounts and pressure comes your way? Then what happens to commitment?

It’s when we experience the hard times that the level of commitment you have to the relationship really counts.

Commitment means staying in the game when it feels bad and isn’t exactly going your way. This is when the committed partner takes action and says, “OK, let’s deal with the problems and work it out.”

And this is where sacrifice comes in–you may have to compromise or do things you aren’t thrilled about like helping clean bathrooms, take out the trash or watch a TV show your partner likes.  But this level of commitment–where sacrifice and compromise come in–helps couples go the distance.

A study of newlyweds in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology supports the role commitment plays. When couples take their vows and commit to the good and bad of relationships, they better mean it or the chances of breaking up increases. Of course, I am not talking about staying in an abusive relationship or one that puts you at risk physically.

When problems come, stay in the moment. Communicate, compromise and look at the big picture. It’s not about who wins, but all about how you work together to honor those vows.

 

 

Source: University of California – Los Angeles (2012, February 1). Here is what real commitment to your marriage means. ScienceDaily. Retrieved February 16, 2012, from http://www.sciencedaily.com­ /releases/2012/02/120201181453.htm

Are You Creating a Delinquent Teen?

posted by Linda Mintle

“Do what I say or else?”

Does this authoritarian parenting style work to curb delinquent behavior in teens?

How do you establish authority over a teenager?

What does it take to say something with conviction, mean it and have your teen respect you?

These questions were answered in a recent study published in the February issue of The Journal of Adolescence*. The researchers looked at parenting style, teen’s perception of parental legitimacy and changes in delinquent behavior. To do so, they assessed three different parenting styles: authoritative (demanding and controlling but responsive to teen need), authoritarian (controlling and demanding but detached from teen need)  and permissive (non-demanding and non-controlling but few boundaries). What they found was this:

1) When parents take the “My way or the highway” approach to parenting (authoritarian), teens do not see those parents as legitimate and thus do not respect or listen to those parents.

2) When authoritative parenting is done by first listening to your teens, gaining their respect and trust, teens shape up.

A key point of the study was this notion of parent legitimacy. When a teen feels a parent is a legitimate authority because he or she is listened to and his or her needs are heard, the chance of trusting that parent and doing what is asked is heightened. So the take away from this study is this: Authoritative parenting styles work best because they gain the trust and cooperation of teens. Teens see those parents as legitimate authority figures and are more likely to do what those parents say. Demanding compliance with no parental legitimacy developed doesn’t work. And the permissive style had little impact on teen behavior.

Listen to your kids and show you care, but still put on the boundaries. They need parents whom they trust are looking out for their good, even when they don’t like the rules.

 

 

 

*Source: University of New Hampshire (2012, February 10). Controlling parents more likely to have delinquent children. ScienceDaily. Retrieved

Interview: Whitney, The Church and Celebrities

posted by Linda Mintle

After the tragic death of Whitney Houston, CBN’s Newswatch asked me to comment on how the church should deal with celebrities.

Do we do enough?

Are we willing to confront issues when someone is famous?

Watch the interview.

 

Does the Church Enable?

posted by Linda Mintle

 

This past week we lost an immense talent in the music business. Our prayers are with Whitney Houston’s family during this difficult time.

 

Her death has caused me to think about the larger role the church plays in the lives of celebrities, those with prominence, or even our very own leaders who struggle within the body. Are there times the church acts like an enabler and fails to confront its “celebrity” pastors and leadership?

 

Living in a postmodern culture, we have become reluctant to step in and confront those who are self-destructing. The post-modern thinking is that everyone has a right to do whatever he or she chooses.

 

We may excuse sin because the leader is successful and is growing the church.

 

We no longer talk about sin and when we do, we are accused of being judgmental. “It’s not my business” or “Am I my brother’s keeper?” are often heard outside the walls of the sanctuary.

 

But Jesus makes it clear. Whoever has a need is our neighbor. And we are to love our neighbors. When you love someone, you don’t ignore his or her descent into darkness. You don’t turn away from that person because he acts in destructive ways or because you are uncomfortable with confrontation. You don’t say, “Someone else will deal with it.”

 

And when you know someone is in the throws of addiction (e.g., pornography), you don’t enable by excusing, turning a blind eye, refusing to set limits and allowing the person to operate as if nothing is wrong. You confront and offer a road to healing.

 

So I ask the question, has the church grown soft in confronting self-destruction? Do we enable those in addiction by covering up for them, turning a blind eye and blaming their behavior on stress and other ills?

 

Besides the incredible sorrow I feel for Whitney’s family, her death has also caused me to ask the question in my own surroundings. Who is in need? And when I see someone in need, am I guilty of saying, “It’s not my problem.”


 

Previous Posts

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Split: Telling All May Have Been Too Much
The gossip train is all a buzz with what looks like a split between pop diva, Mariah Carey and her husband, America's Got Talent host, Nick Cannon. The usual suspects, TMZ, People, Hollywood Life and others are reporting the spilt, saying divorce is a done deal. The six-year marriage that produced

posted 7:51:12am Aug. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Withholding Friendship as a Weapon
I'll never forget the day my five-year-old came home and said, "No one will play with 'Sandy' because she doesn't do what they say!" I was upset and thankfully, my daughter thought it was mean. But the other girls excluded little Sandy and rejected her from their friendship circle. Would you be

posted 7:00:24am Aug. 20, 2014 | read full post »

Look Before You Lock: Leaving Kids in Hot Cars
It's August. It's hot! You just need to run into the store for a few minutes to grab a few groceries. Your six-month-old is sleeping soundly and he really needs a nap. Should you leave him be and run in to the store? With all the news about children dying in hot cars, the Dr. Linda Mintle radio sh

posted 7:00:03am Aug. 18, 2014 | read full post »

More Bad News for Pot Smokers
As the legalization of marijuana gains momentum, more data pours in that is NOT good news. Here are some of the findings: Sometimes, marijuana is addictive. If you begin as a teen, you have a higher chance of developing an addiction. According to the National Institute of Drug Use, about 9% who

posted 7:00:03am Aug. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Robin Williams: Laughter and Sadness
The news that Robin Williams had died, hit me hard. This incredible funny man was introduced to me as an alien on Mork and Mindy. Immediately, one could see the quick wit of a comedian destined for stardom. He made us laugh! Then he broadened his stage to movies and made us cry, cheer and feel i

posted 6:19:47am Aug. 12, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.