Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Try A Technology Cleanse

posted by Linda Mintle

You are at dinner in a nice restaurant with your wife and you find yourself checking your email before the salad arrives. Or your family sits down to eat and people are looking at screens rather than each other.Or maybe your family is in all in the house but dispersed by screens. No one is talking. Everyone is in their own little technology world.

It may be time for a technology cleanse. Be warned. It won’t be easy.

Try this: For one week, fore go all screens. Computers and other devices can only be used for work or homework. This means no texting, Facebook, on-line videos, DVDs, email, etc. Are you up for the challenge? If you take it, I’ll see you in a week. Let me know how it went.

Need motivation? A 2010 Neilsen survey found the following. These are percentages of what we engage in on-line. If you do it all, that is about 50% of your time.

23.4% of time was spent on social networks/blogs

9.8% was spent on video games

7.5% was spent on email

4.1% on portals

4.0% on videos/movies

And of course, the concern is that when you are on a screen, you aren’t interacting with others. Technology can be a distraction from family, friends and much needed exercise.

 

10 Signs of Relationship Trouble

posted by Linda Mintle

Robert and Sarah had been together for five years. They had their share of fights, but one night, Sarah looked at Robert and said, “I’m done here. It is over!”

Shocked, Robert knew things were a little rocky in the relationship for the past few years, but end the relationship? Honestly, he didn’t see it coming.

Did he miss the signs?

Yes, here is what he overlooked:

1) Sarah had checked out emotionally.

2) Sarah and Robert spent a lot of time distracting themselves from each other versus spending time together.

3) When conflict came up, they didn’t discuss it.

4) They didn’t address the lost love they were feeling until it was too late.

5) They never considered going to a couple therapist to see if they could work on the emotional bond.

6) One partner was completely unaware of how deeply upset the other was–they were out of touch with their emotional lives.

7) They never talked about the future.

8) Needs were not communicated and not being met.

9) Fighting led to bad feelings that never were repaired.

10) Both felt emotionally distant but didn’t address it.

Don’t overlook the signs of relationship trouble. Talk to your partner and ask how things are going. If you need help, seek couple therapy. It works when people are willing to address their issues.

 

Are You Too Happy?

posted by Linda Mintle

Happiness is a good thing, right?

Sometimes, not so much! A Yale researcher compares too much happiness to too much food. When you overdo it, problems erupt! Too much happiness makes you a high risk taker. And with high risk can come excessive alcohol  and drug use, binge eating and ignoring threats.

Happiness researcher Edward Diener looked at lots of people over the years who reported being very happy. He and his colleagues found these people to have lower incomes and drop out of school earlier than those who were moderately happy in their younger years. Dierner thinks that when people don’t experience sadness or anxiety often, they aren’t motivated to do better. The emotion of feeling sad actually helps us think in more systematic ways.

In other studies, very happy people have been shown to engage in stereotypic thinking. And trying to make yourself happy doesn’t seem to work either. Psychologist Iris Mauss tells us the more you pursue happiness, the more disappointed you could be.

The bottom line here is don’t make pursuing happiness your life goal all the time. A balance of three positive emotions for every one is what is needed according to those studying happiness.

So don’t worry, be happy, at least in moderation!

Does Your Personality Make You Ripe for an Affair?

posted by Linda Mintle

Ricky knew his behavior would probably ruin his marriage, but he continued in an on-line relationship with a woman he met in a chat room several months ago. Although Ricky represents a growing number of people who have affairs on-line, is there something about Ricky’s personality that makes him more susceptible to an affair?

The answer is YES!

*Researchers studied the personalities of of 214 newlyweds (107 couples) to see if there were traits that made them more likely to be unfaithful. They found that a person’s personality matters.

Specifically, spouses who have partners who are not agreeable and not dependable, have lower marital satisfaction that can lead to an affair. And these two characteristics also share another trait–impulsivity. The thinking is that the impulsivity then translates to sexual affairs. So if a partner is not reliable, not dependable and impulsive, the risk of acting out is higher when it comes to sexual encounters.

Additionally, the researchers wondered if highly impulsive partners do more to elicit sexual responses from other people.

So when you are looking for a mate, you might want to consider these aspects of his or her personality when dating. And if you are married to someone with these personality traits, it might help to work on these behaviors and boost marital satisfaction. And certainly, a person of strong faith always has the power of the Holy Spirit to help overcome any temptation.

 

*Shackelford, T. K., Besser, A. and Goeta. A. Personality, marital satisfaction and probability of marital infidelity, Journal of Individual Differences research, Vol, 6, No.1, pp. 13-25, 2008

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