Doing Life Together

Couples come in to therapy with this complaint. “I did nice things for my spouse, but it doesn’t seem to matter. She doesn’t even notice. I don’t get it.” Honestly, they usually don’t get it. They fail to see that all the negativity of the relationship sort of cancels out the good when it happens.…

Today is always a sobering day. It’s one of those days that will forever be in our memories. There have been other moments like 911 in my life: The Shooting of President Kennedy. I was very young, in a grade school classroom, but I vividly remember hearing the news over a loud speaker and people…

John and Mary are at it again. Arguing escalates to anger and John has a hard time calming down. As they sit in my therapy office, they ask what needs to happen. Basically, here is a summary: 1) John needs to admit that his anger is out of control. While anger is a normal emotion…

We’ve all done it. Many of us grew up with it. But should we? Your teen walks in 30 minutes past curfew. You’ve been worried sick and have worked yourself up. The minute she comes through the door, you yell, “Where were you? It’s 30 minutes past curfew and we thought something terrible happened to…

As Dana was grabbing her purse to fly out the door, she couldn’t remember where she put her car keys. She was already late for class! “Mom, where are my keys.” “Your asking me,” Mom yells back. “I can’t find my glasses.” Most of us who are older chalk these moments up to aging. We…

Tony insisted he doesn’t have an anger problem. Yet, by all accounts, people say he does. I asked Tony to answer these 10 questions. After taking the quiz and talking with me, he changed his mind. See how well you do at understanding anger. Answer True or False to each question. 1) As long as…

I was on a national radio program last night talking about anxiety. A caller asked a great question. “What is the difference between worry and anxiety?” Anxiety is that uneasy feeling, apprehension, a feeling of danger, doom or misfortune. Clinically speaking it a response to a perceived threat or danger. It is often produced by…

I was in the grocery store yesterday and the tabloids were headlining the secret love child of yet another celebrity couple. While we tend to expect this from celebrity relationships, secrets are a problem for any couple. The question asked is if it is a good idea to reveal those secrets to your partner. Let’s…

It’s toxic. It can be sexual, but doesn’t have to be. It can be present and you may  not be aware of it. It’s at the heart of failing relationships. The secret relationship killer is betrayal. And betrayal isn’t always about infidelity. It has different faces like when a husband thinks more about his career…

You are in the middle of a fight. Temperatures are rising and you know this isn’t going well. How can you bring down the tension and allow reason to prevail? You make what we call in therapy, an emotional repair. Couples who do this, stay together. In fact, martial researcher, John Gottman, calls emotional repairs…

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