Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Dr. Linda Mintle And Joyce Meyer Discuss Body Image

posted by Linda Mintle

Awhile back, I sat down with Joyce Meyer on her TV show, Enjoying Everyday Life, to talk about how to embrace your body and make peace with it.

Here is the You Tube interview, “You Are Beautiful Inside & Out, Part I”

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A Mother’s Day Dilemma: How to Deal With a Mom Who Left

posted by Linda Mintle

In this week’s lead up to Mother’s Day, an adult daughter asks…

Every Mother’s Day I have a hard time honoring my mom for this reason. She left our family to be with another man when I was 14. It still hurts when I think about what my family experienced as a result of her decision.  Consequently, I never know how to approach Mother’s Day. I think I am still angry with her for what she did. And my mom wants to have a relationship with me now.

 I would ask you to examine your heart. Have you really forgiven her for what she did? If there is any unforgiveness still in you, release it to the Lord. Forgiveness is a choice you make. It doesn’t condone what she did or minimize the impact on you. We forgive because Jesus forgave us when we didn’t deserve it. He asks that we do no less. Then, ask yourself if you are still judging her. Yes, her choice was sinful. But she must answer to God for what she did. Next, think about the impact her choice had on your life and decide if you want to confront her with this. Perhaps you need a conversation in which you tell her how her choice affected you. That said, do not have any expectations about her response to you. The point is to let her know what happened to you as a daughter. If she makes a move to ask for forgiveness, accept it. Then reconciliation may be possible. However, reconciliation takes the work of two people. Discuss a next step and decide if you are both willing to risk it. If not, at least you have moved through the forgiveness and can approach Mother’s Day with a forgiving heart. This will improve your life and own mothering. If your mother refuses to ask for forgiveness and denies the impact of her actions on you, then you will need to grieve the loss of an intimate relationship with your mom and trust God to fill in that gap.

 

For more help, order Dr. Linda Mintle’s book, I Love My Mother But..

Making Mother and Daughter Relationships the Best

posted by Linda Mintle

One of the common areas of tension between mothers and daughters involves boundaries. Boundaries are important because mothers and daughters often have different expectations about their relationship. Mothers tend to want more time and attention than their adults daughters can or are willing to give. Therefore, boundaries need to be negotiated and set.

Establish a time to have a conversation with your mom that begins like this, “Mom, let’s talk about what you expect from me and what I expect from you, given our lives and all that is in them.” Try to come to an agreement and then work on putting that agreement into practice.

Instead of becoming angry and defensive when the agreement is broken, revisit it.  For example, “Mom, remember, you weren’t going to do that.” Then, when the agreement works, positively note the change and willingness to work together. It takes time and intention to change family behaviors and patterns.

When an expectation seems unrealistic, you will need to be assertive and clarify the expectation. Keep in mind that daughters often have unrealistic expectations of their mothers. Daughters want moms to be all-knowing, all nurturing and meet every need. When moms fall short (and they will because these are impossible tasks), daughters become upset and irritable. But rather than complain and feel bad, ask yourself, are you expecting too much? It may be that only God can meet your expectation of complete unconditional love, anticipating your needs and knowing what you need every day.

Clarifying expectations and setting boundaries go a long way to establishing a healthy mother-daughter relationship. It takes conversation and negotiating but is so worth the effort. When the mother-daughter relationship is healthy, it can be one of the most enjoyable relationships in your life!

5 Spiritual Helps to Overcome Temptation

posted by Linda Mintle

In the past few weeks, I’ve been commenting on the way television shows handle temptation. Typically, what we see is the power of the temptation and no power to resist. So, from a Christian perspective, what works to overcome temptation?

First be encouraged by this scripture which tells us we can overcome temptation with God’s Help.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV):  No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

1) Flee from it. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality.” In recent weeks, Grey’s Anatomy has been an excellent example of how easy it is to give in to temptation when you indulge your desires and allow the moment to take over. God knows that our natural desire is to give in to temptation when we entertain it. Rather than indulging a temptation, we are told to run from it. Indulging temptation only gives strength to it.

2) Trust God to help you, not yourself. The greatest risk to falling into temptation is thinking that you alone can handle it. Distrust yourself and trust God. Dependence on Him and not self is the key to overcoming.

3 Watch and pray. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41). This was Jesus’ instruction to his disciples. He knew they had good intentions, but that their human nature was subject to weakness. The way to overcome is to stay watchful of the pitfalls and pray. Prayer is our communication with God. Talk to Him about the temptation. Ask Him to strengthen you when you are weak. When we are weak, He is strong.

4) Put on the full armor of God. Ephesians 6:11–Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” The war that is waged is one of principalities and powers and requires putting on the full armor of God to resist temptation.  The darts of temptation need to be met with the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit. Without protection, we are easily wounded by the arrows that pierce.

5) Fear the Lord. A healthy fear of the Lord is crucial to a successful walk of faith. Sin brings destruction. God’s way is meant to keep us from the snares of sin and the negative consequences that follow. Our loving Father shows us the way to escape unnecessary heartache. If we fear God and think about His ways, we can choose to walk an upright life with His help.

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