Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Are You Creating a Delinquent Teen?

posted by Linda Mintle

“Do what I say or else?”

Does this authoritarian parenting style work to curb delinquent behavior in teens?

How do you establish authority over a teenager?

What does it take to say something with conviction, mean it and have your teen respect you?

These questions were answered in a recent study published in the February issue of The Journal of Adolescence*. The researchers looked at parenting style, teen’s perception of parental legitimacy and changes in delinquent behavior. To do so, they assessed three different parenting styles: authoritative (demanding and controlling but responsive to teen need), authoritarian (controlling and demanding but detached from teen need)  and permissive (non-demanding and non-controlling but few boundaries). What they found was this:

1) When parents take the “My way or the highway” approach to parenting (authoritarian), teens do not see those parents as legitimate and thus do not respect or listen to those parents.

2) When authoritative parenting is done by first listening to your teens, gaining their respect and trust, teens shape up.

A key point of the study was this notion of parent legitimacy. When a teen feels a parent is a legitimate authority because he or she is listened to and his or her needs are heard, the chance of trusting that parent and doing what is asked is heightened. So the take away from this study is this: Authoritative parenting styles work best because they gain the trust and cooperation of teens. Teens see those parents as legitimate authority figures and are more likely to do what those parents say. Demanding compliance with no parental legitimacy developed doesn’t work. And the permissive style had little impact on teen behavior.

Listen to your kids and show you care, but still put on the boundaries. They need parents whom they trust are looking out for their good, even when they don’t like the rules.

 

 

 

*Source: University of New Hampshire (2012, February 10). Controlling parents more likely to have delinquent children. ScienceDaily. Retrieved

Interview: Whitney, The Church and Celebrities

posted by Linda Mintle

After the tragic death of Whitney Houston, CBN’s Newswatch asked me to comment on how the church should deal with celebrities.

Do we do enough?

Are we willing to confront issues when someone is famous?

Watch the interview.

 

Does the Church Enable?

posted by Linda Mintle

 

This past week we lost an immense talent in the music business. Our prayers are with Whitney Houston’s family during this difficult time.

 

Her death has caused me to think about the larger role the church plays in the lives of celebrities, those with prominence, or even our very own leaders who struggle within the body. Are there times the church acts like an enabler and fails to confront its “celebrity” pastors and leadership?

 

Living in a postmodern culture, we have become reluctant to step in and confront those who are self-destructing. The post-modern thinking is that everyone has a right to do whatever he or she chooses.

 

We may excuse sin because the leader is successful and is growing the church.

 

We no longer talk about sin and when we do, we are accused of being judgmental. “It’s not my business” or “Am I my brother’s keeper?” are often heard outside the walls of the sanctuary.

 

But Jesus makes it clear. Whoever has a need is our neighbor. And we are to love our neighbors. When you love someone, you don’t ignore his or her descent into darkness. You don’t turn away from that person because he acts in destructive ways or because you are uncomfortable with confrontation. You don’t say, “Someone else will deal with it.”

 

And when you know someone is in the throws of addiction (e.g., pornography), you don’t enable by excusing, turning a blind eye, refusing to set limits and allowing the person to operate as if nothing is wrong. You confront and offer a road to healing.

 

So I ask the question, has the church grown soft in confronting self-destruction? Do we enable those in addiction by covering up for them, turning a blind eye and blaming their behavior on stress and other ills?

 

Besides the incredible sorrow I feel for Whitney’s family, her death has also caused me to ask the question in my own surroundings. Who is in need? And when I see someone in need, am I guilty of saying, “It’s not my problem.”


 

Can You Recognize This Famous Love Poetry?

posted by Linda Mintle

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Here are portions of a famous piece of love poetry. Do you know who wrote it or where it is from? Read it before you look at the bottom for the answer. You might be surprised!

Oh, get up, dear friend,
   my fair and beautiful lover—come to me!
Come, my shy and modest dove—
   leave your seclusion, come out in the open.
Let me see your face,
   let me hear your voice.
For your voice is soothing
   and your face is ravishing.

 

Your smile is generous and full—
   expressive and strong and clean.
Your lips are jewel red,
   your mouth elegant and inviting,
   your veiled cheeks soft and radiant.
The smooth, lithe lines of your neck
   command notice—all heads turn in awe and admiration!

 

The sweet, fragrant curves of your body,
   the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay
   until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
   beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.

 

 

 

 

 

What did you guess?

How many of you got it right?

Song of Solomon

Previous Posts

The Hope of the Resurrection
It’s Good Friday. Do you sometimes feel as if your life is lived  in a perpetual Good Friday mode? Like the movie, Ground Hog Day, it seems you are replaying the same bad day over and over, fighting despair and struggling. Disease, broken relationships, prodigal children...the landscape looks

posted 7:00:41am Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Honey, Do Your Know Where My Glasses Are?
It's a running joke in our house. Where are mom's glasses? Mom, that would be me, is constantly putting them down and forgetting where they are! I don't think it is an aging thing because the misplaced glasses have been misplaced for years. Oh and this happens to my cell phone on a regular basis

posted 7:00:14am Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

It's Tax Day But How Is Your Emotional Bank Account Doing?
Yes, today is tax day and many of you will make that last minute run for the post office before midnight! Why? Because you don't want to be penalized by the federal government. But what about your emotional bank account?  Do you need to make more deposits when it comes to your relationships? An

posted 7:00:26am Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Bully Targets Not Who You Think
A high school sophomore takes two kitchen knives to his school and goes on a stabbing frenzy in the hallway of his high school wounding 22 people. According to his lawyer,  he was well liked and not a loner. The typical bullied pattern of a loner, social awkward teen may not fit this time. Bully

posted 7:00:07am Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Chew on This If You Chew on Gum
When that new flavor of gum hits the grocery store, its tempting. Watermelon sour, triple berry fruit...sounds like dessert in a stick, but what is the skinny on gum chewing? As a mom, I didn't let my kids chew gum, probably because I am not a gum chewer, so we never had gum in the house. But I k

posted 8:05:16am Apr. 11, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.