Beliefnet
Doing Life Together

ID-100116409You turn on the TV  with the hope that the late night show will put you to sleep, but does it? That depends …

1) If your female, it will take you longer to fall asleep than your male counterpart. Women take an average of about 9 minutes to fall asleep compared to the 23 minutes for men. Gender matters.

2) If you had caffeine after dinner with that yummy dessert, you may be feeling the effect of the caffeine now. The effects of caffeine can last as long as 8 hours. Switch to decaf!

3) You stayed up late and slept in all weekend. Different sleep and wake schedules on the weekends can reek havoc on your sleep rhythm. Limit the difference to no more than an hour on weekends.

4) You’ve become more European and are eating dinner around 9:00p.m. The problem with this is that unless it is a very light dinner, heavy or large meals within a couple of hours of bedtime, can keep you awake.

5) Your bedroom is toasty and hot. This might feel good on a cold winter night, but turn down the heat around bedtime. Keep the bedroom cool and dark for better sleep.

6) The TV is on, remember? Turn it off and make it quiet. Bright light from a TV or computer screen can signal the brain to wake up!

7) It was a busy day and you took that late night exercise class. Now you are too wound up to fall asleep. Schedule the exercise class for very early evening.

8) Your mind is racing with so much to do. Switch gears and pray. End your day with prayer and thanksgiving to God. He will keep you in perfect peace if your mind is stayed on Him. Begin and end your day with prayer.

ID-100122426When  Donna and Jim were asked if they want an equal relationship, they answered, “Yes.” What they mean by that answer is where communication breaks down. People have widely different ideas about what equal means in a relationship.

Power usually relates to a person’s ability to influence the other towards his/her own interests or goals. Power sharing means both people’s needs are heard and met. Equal influence means couples accommodate each other.  It doesn’t mean that one person is always right. And it certainly doesn’t mean that one person must convince the other of his or her rightness!

So if you are in a relationship, ask these questions:

Is each partner able to express personal goals, wishes and needs?

Do you influence one another?

Whose interests are shaping the relationship?

Does one dominate the other?

How are menial tasks like housework viewed?

How are decisions made?

Do both of you feel entitled to follow your dreams, calling, or personal goals?

If you cannot answer YES to most of these, there may be a power imbalance.  And one researcher tells us that equal power is related to relationship satisfaction for both men and women.  Specifically, when mutual support is shared in relationship responsibility, vulnerability, attunement and influence, couples feel good. [1]

In other words, when a person feels heard, is able to influence the other and share responsibilities, the relationship feels more satisfying.


[1] Janice M. Steil, (1997). Marital Equality: Its Relationship to the Well-being of Husbands and Wives (Newbury Park Oaks: CA: Sage, 1997).

When I heard Beyonce was part of a campaign to ban the word “bossy” for female empowerment, I was confused.  She is worried about “bossy” when her husband Jay-Z spews filthy and degrading lyrics on most of his songs?

If you have the stomach for it, look up the lyrics to several of Jay-Z’s songs. “Bossy” should be the least of her concerns. How about talking to your man and his hop hop buddies and ask them to ban filth from their lyrics? Call me “bossy” over any of those names!

The exposure so many kids have to these lyrics is frightening. Over and over on radio, in movies and on television, expletives fly freely. Don’t tell me it doesn’t matter. We are seeing a serious decline in civility and media play a part.

1) The co-founder, P.M. Forni, of the civility project at Johns Hopkins Unversity says that cursing is “still the language of aggression…the precursor to violence.” He sees rudeness and cursing as part of an escalation to violence. He goes on to say that words are like our hands. They can be used to stroke and hurt.

2) A study is Pediatrics revealed that children exposed to profanity in media are more accepting of profanity and its use. And being more accepting of its use also leads indirectly to physical and relational aggression.

So if hearing, accepting and using profanity can lead to more aggression and violence, why are we not curbing profanity versus letting it fly? Maybe less profanity would bring more respect to the treatment of others. What is the end goal of calling people names and degrading them with words? Why do we want to support anything that potentially leads to aggression?

If you are offended and fed up with profanity in the media, speak out. Write a letter to your local general manager of the TV or radio station. They deal with local complaints and want to keep their consumers happy. Talk about how profanity objectifies and degrades women. Ask, why this is necessary and what is the end goal of exposing our kids to cursing.

Frankly, I’d take being called “bossy” any day over being assaulted by profanity!

 

 

ID-100157134The federal government has a website called Stop Bullying Now.  On that website are these signs that may indicate your child is being bullied.

As you look at the list, keep in mind that it is important to intervene early when bullying happens in order to prevent anxiety, depression and low self-worth. The effects of bullying often persist even after the bullying ends.

•Unexplained injuries

•Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics or jewelry

•Frequent headaches or stomachaches, feeling sick or faking illness

•Changes in eating habits, such as suddenly skipping meals or binge eating.

•Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares.

•Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, not wanting to go to school.

•Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations.

•Feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem.

•Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home or talking about suicide.

If you suspect your child is being bullied, intervene now to protect from further health consequences.