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Doing Life Together

Even though my mom is no longer with me, I will miss her this Mother’s Day! This is a picture of us celebrating years ago. And while my mother-daughter relationship was not perfect, there was so much she gave me that has helped me become the person I am today.

I thought it would be great if we could acknowledge the good things we got from our moms this Mother’s Day. Sometimes, we  focus on the negatives and problems in the mother-child relationship and fail to acknowledge the good things passed on to us.

Mothers teach us how to be intimate, to deal with conflict, how to feel about our bodies, how to cope, walk out our faith, and so much more.

As a tribute to mom, name one positive thing your mom gave you that you appreciate.

I’ll begin. My mom gave me…

A sense of independence

A model of equal partnership with my father

Faith and a Christian upbringing

Common sense

A role model for balancing business and family

People skills

Those are just a few of the things I can quickly recall.

What are you grateful for when it comes to your mom? Let’s start posting!

 

For help with Mother-Daughter relationships, check out my book, I Love My Mother But…

“This book is not just for women who have broken or damaged relationships with their mothers. I am fortunate to be able to say “I love my mother.” No but! And still this book is a great resource on how to improve this intimate, foundational relationship in every person’s life. Every relationship can be improved by conscious effort to understand and honor the other person. Dr. Mintle tells great stories and gives concrete ideas on just how to do that with your mother.”

 

social media 2The Barna Group surveyed American moms in their FRAMES project and discovered both positive and negative influences of social media on how moms feel about themselves. We all know that  social media can certainly make someone look better than perhaps she is, but that knowledge doesn’t stop us from comparing ourselves to others. And even though we should focus on our unique  lives and unique circumstances, we do compare.

Here is what the survey of practicing Christian moms found:

The Negative— Comparing themselves to friends on social media (Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest):

1) Feel their friends have more status and privilege (11 to 1)

2) Say friends are more creative (10 to 1)

3) Believe others have a more superior career (3 to 1)

4) Believe others have a superior ability to accomplish tasks (2 to 1)

The Positives:

1) Feel they are better than their friends at parenting skills  (13 to 1)

2) Feel superior in their physical appearance (2 to 1)

3) Feel they have a superior overall quality of life that (2 to 1)

2 Corinthians 10:12-17  tells us not to compare or classify ourselves to others. But to let her who boasts, boast in the Lord. As moms, we focus on things that have eternal value in our own lives and in the lives of our children. This Mother’s Day, boast in the Lord. He is the One who gives you worth and guides you through your unique life circumstances.

 

stressed momIt’s 6 a.m. You begin your day with two cups of coffee, feed the kids, and grab a granola bar as you run out the door to meet the school bus. Then you make a mad rush to do errands. By 10 a.m., your blood sugar is dropping so you stop by 7-11 and grab a high caffeine drink and a couple of cookies. Then it is home to do laundry and clean up from the morning rush. You have a meeting at the school and the dog needs to be seen at the vet so you run by the fast food drive through, grab a burger and fries (you are really hungry now) and a Coke. The guy in the car in back of you cuts you off and you scream out your window—Jerk! (Sorry God, that wasn’t nice!)

Homework help is given and then the kids get ready for bed. At 10 p.m., you flop down on the couch exhausted and grab a bowl of ice cream to relax a minute. Your husband asks you a question and you snap at him. He wants time with you, but you are tired and just realized you need to throw in a load of laundry and pay a few bills. Finally, around 1 a.m., you crawl into bed and set the alarm for 6 a.m.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Mom needs a little self-care. If this rings familiar, time to make major changes:

  • Slow down. If you are constantly on the run, something in the schedule has to change. Rushing equals mindless eating. Then the guilt sets in and you eat even more. Rushing also takes a toll on your physical body. You need a few moments of rest and down time.
  • Rethink all the activity in your household. Can you cut something out and rethink the kid’s schedules. They feel your stress and also need to play and relax.
  • Bring back the family meal. Work it in to the schedule. The benefits are astounding- better nutrition, academic performance, and lower risk for delinquent behavior – a small price to pay for big results. Dust off the crock pot and download a few 30-minute meals.
  • Get rest. To function properly, you need at least seven hours of sleep a night. Less than that equals weight gain and causes irritability.
  • Be a wife, not just a mom. Moms can get so busy doing, they forget they are wives. If you end each day in a state of exhaustion with no time to check in with your spouse, re-evaluate the use of your time. Your husband needs your attention and you need his. Keep the marital bond strong in order to preserve your marriage.

You are important and need to function well in order to take care of others.

First, you have to take care of yourself. Make the minor changes and add a quiet time to spiritually refresh. Your family needs you! 

alcohol 2In the past few years we have heard about the benefits of having a little alcohol (e.g., red wine), but a new report says the downside of alcohol outweighs the benefits. And certainly we know how easily alcohol can be abused. But you may be surprised to hear about the link of alcohol usage to cancer.

A 2014 World Cancer Report (WCR) issued by the World Health Organization’s International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) concluded that no amount of alcohol is safe when it comes to cancer risk. In fact, in 1988 the IARC declared alcohol a carcinogen (ethanol being one of the most important carcinogens) because of its relationship to several cancers.

The report further stated that the more alcohol one drinks, the more at risk a person is to develop cancer. Specifically there is a causal relationship between alcohol consumption and cancers of the mouth, pharynx, larynx, esophagus, colon-rectum, liver and female breast. Pancreatic cancer and alcohol consumption have a significant relationship as well. And others links have been found with leukemia, multiple myeloma, cancers of the cervix, vulva, vagina and skin. Those links need more study.

When it comes to light drinking, the conclusions are dismal as well. A meta-analysis of 222 studies that included 92,000 light drinkers and 60,000 nondrinkers showed risk for oropharyngeal cancer, esophageal sqamous cell carcinoma and female breast cancer. But note that these data are  based on peoples’ self-report of drinking, which we know tends to be under reported when asked about alcohol use. This might means that “light” drinkers could actually be moderate drinkers.

Add smoking to the drinking and you have a dangerous combination.

So you might be thinking more about the cardioprotective effect we hear so much about with light and moderate drinking. If you look carefully at those studies, you see that the light to moderate drinking lowers your risk for diabetes, stroke, and heart failure compared to excessive consumption.  And the pattern of light to moderate drinking has to be consistent, not episodic, or “binge” drinking. This is not exactly a pass for light to moderate drinking.

Bottom line: Alcohol has more negative than positive effects. You can lower your risk by drinking less or not at all. The results of the study do not support any guidelines for safe drinking.

 

 

Source: Rehm J, Shield K. Alcohol consumption. In: Stewart BW, Wild CB, eds. World Cancer Report 2014. Lyon, France: International Agency for Research on Cancer; 2014.